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Do adoptive parents try to pretend that they did not adopt? Are they ashamed of being adoptive parents and not biological parents?

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Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

This is a really good question. From what I understand, years ago it was quite common for adoptions to be fully closed, and many adoptive parents chose never to tell the child that he/she was adopted. The kids would find out when they needed their birth certificates for marriage or whatever. I don't understand why the parents would do this. I believe that children are entitled to know that they are adopted.

These days, most adoptions are at least semi-open, and the adoption community STRONGLY urges parents to let the child grow up always knowing that he/she is adopted. There are even lots of books written at a child's level to help explain what it means to be adopted.

I, personally, am very open about our son being adopted. I don't introduce him as "our adopted son," because how he joined our family is irrelevant in an introduction. However, when I am asked where I gave birth or whatever, I freely state that we adopted him. He is only 6-months-old, so he doesn't understand yet, but I often tell him how happy I am that we adopted him, and we also pray for his birthmother. We also had an adoption celebration when his adoption was finalized. We will celebrate that date each year because the day we legally became a family is a BIG DEAL in our household.

I have several friends who are adult adoptees. All of their parents let them know they were adopted from day one, and all of them are very well adjusted. I sought their advice when going through the home study. The #1 piece of advice I got was NEVER LIE to them -- Always answer whatever questions they ask as openly and honestly as possible. In the cases of my friends, they have healthy, loving relationships w/their adoptive parents, and they greatly respect the decision that their birthmothers made.