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Why are adoptive parents offended when people ask questions about the adoption?

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Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

I can't speak for other adoptive parents, but I am not AT ALL offended when people ask questions. Just the opposite -- I enjoy talking about it, particularly for the educational value. So many people assume that birthmothers are 16-year-old girls who got PG at the prom, and that is such an inaccurate assumption. And MANY people ask me how a woman could place a baby for adoption. I always respond that, in my son's case, the birthfather was no longer in the picture, and the birthmother loved him enough to want him to grow up in a two-parent home. I also say that she loved him enough to give him life and to give him what she believed was best for him DESPITE the personal emotional cost to herself. I wish adoptive parents would be more open about answering questions about adoption. I think it is healthiest for the child.

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Originally Posted By Marie

I am never offended by these questions. I too love to talk about it. The only thing that concerns me is that I don't ever want anyone to think any less of my son because he is adopted and studies have shown that lots of people do think of adopted children on a lesser level. I guess I just want him protected from that. It certainly is not a secret but it is not something that I just go around telling people. Only if a conversation leads to it. Like the other mom said, if someone asks questions about his birth or such, then I tell them. Can anyone give me any of their feelings on my concerns?

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Originally Posted By a newmom

I know for my child. I signed a confidentiality agreement. I am happy about adopting, But am cautious about giving away my child's history.(often one question leads to another.) I have also read, in books about adoption, that the child's life and story belong to the child. I like to keep my responses more general in nature.

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Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

That is a really good point. I talk very freely about the process, etc., but I am very closemouthed about specifics, such as whether or not there are siblings or half-siblings, or the specific reasons for placing the child for adoption. All they need to know is that the adoption was a LOVING decision. I state that the Bmom wanted her son to grow up in a loving household w/a Mommy AND a Daddy. I do not share specific information about why the Bparents are not together. I agree that this is private information for my son to share if he wants.

I find that, if I am very open about the process but draw a line in the sand about the private info, most people respect that.

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Originally Posted By Hi newmom!

Welcome to the boards. I am Mackie, adoptive mom/adoptee