[sarajayneca]

Thanks to Elizabeth and Dorothy. It's my hope that when my son starts 1st grade in August that I will have lots of time to bond with her. Again, I feel like I need to get alll these feelings resolved sooner rather than later. We are set to close on a house at the end of the month, move the first of August, and then it should slow down and I can resolve these feelings. My husband says not to put a time limit on it, but how can I not? Well, enough dwelling on this...back to trying to take it day by day and do the best I can and let it happen....just let it happen...that is what my husband says.

I don't know what to do. I feel the same way. we have a little girl that has been with us for two weeks. I am having a hard time bonding with her. we have two bio boys and they are having a hard time also. she is very hyper. and we are very laid back. we have 6 mos before we sign the papers. but of course I wouldn't wait that long to decide. my Question is should we return her? there are alot of people who want to adopt and I know for sure she wouldn't have a hard time getting a another family. I feel I am keeping her out of guilt. please help. I am treating her very good. is this something I will get over? thanks.

[sammycos]

Hey Mavis,

How old is your adoptive daughter? Are there real bonding issues? If it is an older child adoption, it can take both parent and child a very long time to connect. Sometimes it does not happen at all. There could also be attachment issues with your child that is preventing her from bonding with you.

We have 2 adopted child...One from birth (birthmother did Meth ) she was very hard to bond with, would not let me hold her ( cried til she had a severe asthma attack) could not cuddle period and as time has gone on ( She is now 5 ) She have attachment issues ( Mild RAD) We have seen as attachment therapist for the last 8 months and she is healing. Did we bond to her... yes but it took about a year for me to say yes... she is my daughter
( it was a struggle to bond )


Now my son, We adopted him at 18 months. We really felt that he was meant to be in our family and that has held us togther through some really hard times. . He has severe Rad Issues ...
He has been with us for almost 2 years and we are still working on bonding and probably will for a long time in the future.

Time is the key...

[Ramani]

I have two adopted kids, one from El Salvador, and one from Guatemala. With the first one, bonding was immediate, BING, BANG, BOOM,KAPOW!! With the second one, it took months. (I was kinda disappointed; I had loved that marvelous feeling and had been looking forward to having it all over again with the new little one.) But I am bonded to the little one now, just as strongly as to my older child. I don't know what to say other than kids are different, and furthermore, YOU are not in the same place you were when you had your first child, and just because the first was born and the second adopted doesn't mean that you won't love the second as much as the first, with time.

[Jensboys]

I think bonding takes time. Especially with an older child after having bio kids. Its unfair to compare -- but at the time you dont know that. I think that it took around a year for me to "feel" the same way about our two that I did about our bio son but LOVE is not a feeling - its an action and a choice. You have made a commitment to those children to be their parent --- even if you dont feel it - ACT on it. Remove your feelings of remorse, or guilt or whatever from the child - she didnt ask for this ... seek help and just "act" on loving the child. The feelings will come in time! JEn

thank you for your reply! you are right. and for the past week I have been doing just that. and I am starting to feel much better! thanks!

[Cde3girl]

Why are they reposting an archived thread?

[Sharon]

Cde3girl,
When someone responds to an archived post, the archived thread gets "resurrected".
~Sharon