[RosaZ]

I have not been able to find anything about this here at AdoptionForums. (please direct me if there are threads about this)

We adopted our daughter at birth and she is now a little over a year. What are people's thoughts on adopting a child older than our first child? Older by how much? Any resouces anyone could suggest?

Thanks

[Dizzysmamma]

Hey Rosa. While I couldn't point you to a specific thread I know I have read here that its recommended you try and follow birth order. If you were to adopt within the next couple of months I don't think it would make that much of a difference. But if you are just starting the process I would have to agree with going for a child younger than your DD. I mean think about it. How would you feel if mom and dad suddenly brought home your older brother or sister?

We are just starting the process, orientation on the 15th and classes on the 30th, and are going to try and adopt a boy younger than our 6yo DBS. It helps that he absolutely adores babies and younger kids but I wouldn't bump him from his position of first born. It wouldn't be fair to either of them imo. If my 21 yo BDD moves out soon we're thinking of trying for a sibling group younger than DS.

Angela

[NaomiNJaysmom]

[quote=Dizzysmamma] I mean think about it. How would you feel if mom and dad suddenly brought home your older brother or sister?


I WAS THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~Amy

[Cleopatrick]

A lot of the people on these forums have strong opinions one way or the other about adopting out of birth order, and they generally have valid reasons why they feel that way. I actually don't have a strong opinion either way, all I can say is it worked great for us.

We adopted our son as an infant and he was our first adoption. When he was 1 we took in a 6 year old foster daughter and her adoption was final when she was 9. When he was 2 and our oldest daughter was 7 we took in an 11 month old foster daughter and her adoption was final when she was 2. When he was 5, the oldest was 10, and the youngest was 4 we took in a 6 year old foster son and a 3 year old foster daughter, both of whom we are in the processes of adopting. None of our children, except the youngest, came in their proper birth order and we truly have not had any problems adopting that way.

I will say though, that we were careful. We did visits with our oldest daughter and with our two newest kids before they came to find out how the family dynamics would work. We didn't do visits with our second daughter because she is severelly disabled and we knew we didn't have to worry about major personality clashes between her and our other two kids.

As an aside, we also accidently artifically twinned our boys. We knew he was 6 and we were told he was in kindergarten. He wasn't, he was in young 5's, same as our son. We didn't realize they were in the same grade and they were only 8 months apart. Other than having to transfer them to a new school district so they wouldn't be in the same kindergarten class this year, this has also worked out just fine for us. They are best friends and much prefer playing with each other than with other kids.

It's a big decision and I wish you the best in making it. It's worked out great for us, all five of our kids act like they have always been raised together. Both in the fighting and the hugging, lol. I do know of some people on the forums that have had to disrupt adoptions though because going out of birth order ending up being traumatic. Good luck!

[joby]

We're adopting a ten year old and we already have a 7 year old biological child who couldn't be more thrilled at the idea of having a bigger kid around!

It all depends on the children and how the parents present the idea.

Our biological child tells us it's ok "because I may not be the oldest, but I will always be the FIRST!"

Good luck, and do what fits your family!

Joby

I'm glad to see there are some people who've had positive experiences adopting out of birth order. Things I've read from other posters in other parts of the forum made me think no one had ever had a good experience. This gives me hope that with careful planning, the right family therapy, and a careful transition that we may be able to make this thing work!