[Coley]

Birthmother's Day is coming up! It is Sat, May 10, 2003. What are you doing for birthmother's Day? Are you helping plan an event in your area?? Do you know of a celebration in your area?? Would you like an even, but need ideas???

Please help by posting in this thread if you know of an even in your area or planning one or would like to help. If you have been to an event before or have ideas, please share them as well for those you are trying to get an event together but have no ideas!!

Thanks ladies!!!! Here's to a great birthmother's day!

Coley

[nelwywed1311]

Hey Coley,
Do you really think there should be a separate date for 'birthmothers day'? I find it quite offensive that there has been a push to segregate 'birthmothers' and their celebration of themselves as mothers, into a separate category from 'normal mothers' day. I mean, we don't see adoptive parents celebrating 'adoptive mothers/fathers' day- they wouldn't even dream of it. So why should we, as mothers to children who are adopted, segregate ourselves from mainstream?
I liken it to the disability field, where once people with disabilities were built separate facilities, always went to separate schools, lived in separate houses, etc. Now, INCLUSION is the target. People with disabilities are people first. The aim should always be to include them in mainstream lifestyles.
The same can be said for mothers who have lost children to adoption. 'Birthmothers' are mothers first. They deserve to be celebrated, to be recognised and value themselves as mothers ON THE SAME DAY EVERY OTHER MOTHER CELEBRATES.
What do you think? Do you think 'birthmothers' are doing more damage by supporting the celebration of separate day? I certainly do. I think we should be demanding that we are honoured and celebrated on the same day every other mother is, despite the differences in our circumstances.
Birth mothers day gets the big thumbs down from me, despite the best intentions its proponants had at the time.
Love to hear your 2 cents.......

This is in response to both the original posting and the first response to it. I am a birthmother of a 12-year-old and also the mother of an eleven-year-old. I am not in contact with the family of my eldest son. I don't know what State they live in or what their last name is. I haven't heard from them since my son was a year old. On Mother's Day, I celebrate motherhood: I celebrate being the mother of my son, my youngest, the only one I've raised or been a mother to. I have never even considered my eldest son in connection with Mother's Day. I really don't feel much like celebrating "Birthmother's Day" either, but I'm sure there are many birthmothers out there who had much more positive adoption experiences than mine, and would be happy to celebrate "Birthmother's Day". I don't find it offensive at all, I think it's a nice idea, and think it's important to make a distinction between the two celebrations (Mothers Day and Birthmothers Day). The two things are not the same at all. Being a birthmother is both more and less than being a mother. It is an entirely different and unique experience, one that is equally deserving of celebration. I wish you all lots of happiness. Sincerely, ivy

[Coley]

I do not find birthmother's day offensive. But I see why some can. Its not for everyone. I parent my oldest son, Noah, and am birthmom to Charlie. While I am mothers to both of them, it is not the same type of mother or motherhood. Birthmother's Day gives me the time to honor Charlie and the adoption commiment I made, while Mother's Day is spent cuddling with Noah. It lets me be quiet and thoughtful about Charlie and then giggle over Noah's handmade card.

Besides, Birthmother's Day celebrations are not really about what DAY it is. There are big celebrations in major cities this year that will unite and honor birthmothers. Birthmothers from all walks of life will have a time to join together. It really doesn't matter what day you pick to do this, but the day before Mother's Day was chosen years ago by a group of Seattle Women and people are just following in that tradition to honor birthmothers and celebrate the loves they gave.

Hope that helps you to understand a little more,

Coley

I explain BMom's Day a little more on the birthmother's day page at http://www.birthmombuds.i8.com

[Stephaniesbmom]

Hi,

I am a birthmom of 19 years and mom to 3 other children. I have always been a little sad on mother's day despite 3 wonderful children. This is the first year I have ever heard of birthmother's day. I am looking forward to meeting other birthmothers in my community. I also think it gives me some time to honor the commitment I made to adoption.

I have met my daughter last month, but she doesn't see me as her mother...at least not yet. I completely understand, but it's nice to see how other women deal with all this. I can also see how nelwywed1311 feels...I guess I will know more after I go to our celebration.

Take care

Chris

[trinitysmom]

I must admit I am the only bmom I know in my town. I have plenty of gf's who are moms and get severly spoiled on that sspecial day. For me heartache and longing. I have an open adoption, however the amom gets the credit . She had nothing to do with the conception, labor or birthing part. She became a mom when I CHOSE to give her my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I love them all very much and have a wonderful relationship with them, but bmoms NEED to be recignized for the blood sewat and tears we put into these angels. I had no idea that there was a Bmom day until yesterday. All day I was spreading the news in my circle of friends and families. THEY were just as happy as I was. I have a day that is made for us, the Gift Givers, and I feel we deserve it!!

[b1998m]

Thank you so much for your ideas about Birthmother's Day events. I am new to the forums. I am a bmom of a four year old and a mother of a 22 month old daughter. On Mother's Day, I've always thought of my relinquished daughter. My family has been supportive and have helped me through some rough times. I didn't know about a celebration of bmom's until I read this. I am looking forward to next year's Birthmother's Day. I hope to hear about some events for next year.

Brandi

[solonely1974]

Maybe I'm not understanding this "Birth-mother day". I'm an adoptee. I see "mother's day" as a day where I appreciate the woman who raised me. The woman who hugged me when I was feeling down. The woman who would give anything to me to help me survive. The woman who fed me. The woman who was at all my basketball games. The woman who tucked me in at night. The woman who made sure I took my bath, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, made sure I was clean. The woman who was there answering questions about sex, about life, about boys. Whether that was a birthmother raising "her" child, an adoptive mother raising "her" child, a grandparent raising their grandchildren, etc. But to celebrate a "birthmother" who gave their child up for adoption... why? I'm sorry if I'm offending someone out there, but in ways it offends me. I would LOVE to meet my birthmom, but she will never replace my mom who raised me. A day where a birthmother can sit and think about the child they gave up can be EVERYDAY or the day that child was born. I think about my birthmom everyday and I am thankful that she gave me to a wonderful and perfect family,but I have so many questions. I'm confused and I am lost.
It's almost asking for someone to celebrate and thank these women for putting us up for adoption.
Like I said, I am sorry if I offended anyone.

[b1998m]

I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else. I do think about my daughter that I placed everyday of my life. I had never heard of any birthmother day events. I was just interested in meeting other birthmother's and talking. I also think about my daughter's a-parents and I do celebrate in the fact that she is being raised by a wonderful couple. Again, I didn't mean to offend. I'm new to the site. Solonely 1974, I wish you luck in searching for you b-mom.

Brandi