[lookinginsc]

yes my family always knows to take great pains to be extra nice to me then

[donnaparadise]

About 2 or so weeks before her birthday early December, I start feeling cranky, out of sorts, angry, upset at small things.

I have often just been going along and then suddenly I am aware of the date on the calendar and suddenly, I KNOW.

I stopped really celebrating Christmas more than 20 years ago and have not been home in 15 years. I always go away somewhere sunny.

I tell people: I hate Christmas, Christmas is for kids. I don't have any so it is a waste of time.

Donna

[restalyne]

Yes, I have for years...but this year, I will be be with him for the first time since his birth of 41 years ago...thank the good Lord for that!!!

[blankenb4]

Restalyne,

How very awesome! Cherish every moment. I hope that one day I will be able to share the moment with my birth daughter.

Hugs,

Barbara

[Anetscat66]

Yes!

I still get real emotional and it is going on 21 years since I placed my son up for adoption!

I sometimes look at his pictures or when its close to his birthday or holidays or just for no reason, I break down and start crying!

The love for your child never goes away!!! EVER!!

Keep Your Chin Up, Friend! Hugs to you!

[dmca]

Donna,
I was like you, December was a misery for me, as my daughter was born on the first. Christmas for my three sons was joyous and full of love and presents with me smiling before them and crying at night or totally depressed on the inside.
My daughter was born in 1966 and this will be the FIRST YEAR I can send a card , a present and hopefully cry some tears of joy.
NEVER give up, Donna. Always leave a corner of hope and find joy where you can.
Much hugs and love
dmca

[browneyes0707]

My best friend used to say that she can almost pinpoint the exact day my DD was born without knowing, because I start getting distant on the first day of the month and gradually get more and more emotional as the month wears on, until her b-day at the end of the month, and then poof, I'm back to normal the next day. This is so sub conscious, I don't even know I'm doing it.

The first few years were rough. Like I don't want to get out of bed rough. It got better tho. Finally on her 10th b-day I decided to make the day about me. I take off from work and indulge in a shopping spree and it makes me feel better. It should be a day of celebration, the day I brought someone new into the world, the day I helped someone elses dreams come true, and it's a time to remind myself how I did the most difficult and bravest thing I've ever done, and it's made me a better person for it. I still get sad, but it helps to take control and put a positive spin on it!

[heartbeat]

Hi,

Another adoptee here. When I saw the subject of this post, I had to stop and write. I don't know if it helps or not, but rest assured, they're most likely thinking of you on that day, too. And if they're like me and many others who have posted about b'days, they're shedding a few tears, also.

I met my birthmom just about a week ago after 50 years and will never regret it. We won't have the relationship that we would have had if she'd kept me, but that's ok because I think it'll be a better one. We're meeting as mother/daughter, but even more so as friends and women. The last two are what I dreamt of when I'd think of the word 'mother', but never came close to having.

A couple of hours after meeting her I was talking about all of the wondering about her that I've done, and it hit me that the person I'd been wondering about was sitting across from me and I burst into tears and said, "I've missed you so much." And missing someone you've never met made perfect sense to us.

Wishing you all an easing of the pain.

Warmly, heartbeat

[nanie]

yah
it's a exciting day

__________________
tomorrow is another day
dvd to iphone

[Arruniel]

Last year was a hallmark for me, only cried a little a few times. I did have to work, but no one asked on the day. At the beginning of the month everyone was wondering why I was so gloomy, but I managed to level out before the big day.

It's coming up again, the end of next month. I started feeling it last month, the subtle creeping depression.

Every year I buy myself a bottle of Bailey's, croissants, and fine cheese. I settle in at home, watch movies, have the cheese and croissants for lunch, and drink real Irish coffee.

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by rebeccawolf

My son was born in January Every year for about a month before and a month after his Birthday, I get all weepy and cranky. Does anyone else experience this phenomena? Is there any "cure"?

My son is now 29 and we are in reunion. My memory is hazy, because I was one of those mom's that went numb. Very numb. I managed to blot out my son's relinquishment by burying my feelings. Deep. If I can remember correctly [and there's no saying that I do, because even now, I get flashbacks now and then and I type it up quick before I forget it, as I realise how important it may be to discuss with my son when he shows he's ready for it] - every year the date would knife me in my heart and I would remember it every year. Then as the years went by and the pain was so excruciating that I would numb it with a kind of indifference. Some years I would remember coming up to the date, on the date, or sometimes I would think, heh, it was some months ago and I'd gotten through it. I don't think this was indifference on my part, just survival value.

When he came to the age of 16 an anonymous article was printed 'will my son look for me?'. I'd been in denial all that time and I guess secretly I'd hoped that he would look for me, but again, I went into denial, hope was like buried under the avalanche of disappointment. Looking back, it was a long 10 years before he searched at the age of 28 and found me, but by that time, I had buried almost every memory I could of him.

Get this, even my best friend said that 2 weeks before he found me, I'd said to her 'I wonder how he is, is he still alive? What kind of lad has he turned out to be?'. I have no recollection of that conversation. In fact I do know that I have mentioned him over the years to a few trusted friends, but even those conversations I have no recollection of. It must have been too much to even allow myself to think of him. So I didn't. My mind would bury any questions any thoughts, hope, love, well and truly deep, well away from my acknowledging it.

It was only upon reunion that my son reawakened what I must have suppressed all those years and gradually the thoughts and feelings are coming out of permafrost. I knew something was wrong because for my age I was never very mature. Reunion has turned that on its head.

I know I've warbled on a bit, but its just to show some reactions are not the same as others. Some cry every year, but because I didn't, doesn't mean that something wasn't there. I hope these thoughts may prove valuable to someone that is puzzled by why their birth mother doesn't remember some things.

[Rondidondi]

My son's 1st birthday is approaching and I'm getting worried how this will affect me.
I did decide to parent, he left the hospital with the PAP and I brought him home after 2 weeks.
I'm worried his birthday will spark the hard time I had at the hospital and all the pain. I want his birthday to be a joyful time. His birth wasn't joyful for me though, it meant he wasn't with me anymore. (Honestly, I would have stay pregnant forever, I didn't want "the day" to come.)
I'm think we are going to have a party on his B-day, this may help. But, I also want to celebrate the day he came home to me and his brothers. This day is a happier day for me than his B-day.
I'm sure as the years go on his B-day will become easier.
I know I'll be thinking of the PAPs on this day too. I'm sure they will be reflecting on what happened 1 yr agao and how they lost the son they thought they were going to have.

[Anetscat66]

Yes, when my son's Birthday comes around each year I do cry, but I also make a cake and light a Birthday Candle in memory of his Birthday. I then blow out the candle and make a wish that he is having a very Special Birthday and that we will someday get the opporotunity to meet once again!

[lahdh4]

I go into a depression, no matter what else is going on for 2 weeks. I cry at everything and anything. This year makes year number 4 and I know it is coming.

[longingtomeetyou]

interesting topic
YES i cried every birthday
i remember the one birthday i was playing piano in church i could hardly control my tears
i had to pause and go downstairs and have a good cry
the pastors wife came down and asked if i was ok
so i spilled the beans and told her my story
she just held me and said she would help me in any way to get a picture to me....

btw....shes an adoptive mom which i thought was neat
i needed compassion at that time

but yes crying was a common thing over the years