[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by lilifelover

when I called to wish her a happy mother's day what I got was, "Someday, when you have kids of your own I can say the same." It just hit me the wrong way, and I don't want to hear that anymore...so, I'll call her another day.

Well no wonder!!!! That would hit me the wrong way too. How incredibly insensitive. No one would say that to a mother whose baby had died. How is it that our experience as a mother is instantly discounted the moment we give up our parental rights?

[lookinginsc]

hey,i am bmom and had no idea that there was bmoms day i think that is great !!

[lilifelover]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

Well no wonder!!!! That would hit me the wrong way too. How incredibly insensitive. No one would say that to a mother whose baby had died. How is it that our experience as a mother is instantly discounted the moment we give up our parental rights?

I don't know, but it seems like that's the case everywhere we go. Even my mother, when I talk about my daughter, feels the need to remind me that I am not her mother. Well no kidding? Of course I know that...I think I understand that better than anyone else can.

I didn't want to send AMom a card this year. But, I didn't really want to tarnish any part of a relationship for later. I know she doesn't expect anything, and I feel right now as though I have nothing left to give (and I literally don't, financially...all my savings I spent on school since I had no baby to care for). So, instead of writing her a long letter, making that risky phone call or borrowing the money for roses, I spend some time making a card that I'll compare to a wedding invitation or baby announcement, complete with vellum paper and a background of a dozen roses. It simply says," Amom, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you have a wonderful day, Love, Me." I feel like I'm selling her short, but that's all I have to give...and I don't want her to take anything the wrong way, so short and sweet seems the way to go.

Brenda, you know, there is one person in my life that's validated my role as mother in my daughter's life (in whatever form it has been and will be). He did it from the very beginning. On our first date I sat him down and laid out my expectations for the relationship, my expectations of him and what I was and was not going to do. It was hard! He seemed a little floored. Then, because I'm so sick of people finding out about my daughter and acting weird or leaving, I told him about her, showed him a few pictures that are always in my wallet, and let him think. Boy, did he ever. He sat there and took it all in, then took my hand and said, "That's part of who you are, and I want to get to know all of you."

And we've been together ever since...sometimes he even refers to me as "Mom" when we're talking about the kids...

Sorry, I digress...

[Coley]

Originally Posted by lookinginsc

hey,i am bmom and had no idea that there was bmoms day i think that is great !!

Looking, I noticed that you are from South Carolina. I am coordinating an event in SC for bmoms from SC, NC, and GA. If you view this link - Luau for Life it tells you more info and gives you contact info. It's open to all birthmoms, so you are more than welcome to come!!

~ Coley

[Volfe]

Lili - That's so wonderful (the guy story).
I'm glad you're posting more too. I've missed ya.

I'll spend my day at the event I planned in New Orleans So anyone nearby is welcome to stop by, and/ or send in any writing or notes to the one they love to be posted onsite.

I haven't decided if I'll tell my children's aparents about the event because I don't want them to feel it is about them, nor feel obligated to send me something, etc etc. I don't want them to internalize it.
I just want ppl in adoption who want to honor birthparents and their children to feel free to do so.

Take care
Maia

[lilifelover]

Volfe! There you are. Yeah, it's been kinda crazy, as always. I'm either here or I'm not...sometimes it's just too hard to sit around and talk about adoption stories-even if I'm complaining! But, since Mother's day is coming up then...well, I duno. I have to anyway, might as well do it here. Hey-I'm considerably closer this term to New Orleans, but not close enough I fear! I'm jealous that yall have a nifty organization of birthmothers. Goodness! That's awesome. You have fun!

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by lilifelover

I'm so sick of people finding out about my daughter and acting weird or leaving, I told him about her, showed him a few pictures that are always in my wallet, and let him think. Boy, did he ever. He sat there and took it all in, then took my hand and said, "That's part of who you are, and I want to get to know all of you."

And we've been together ever since...sometimes he even refers to me as "Mom" when we're talking about the kids...

You need more like him in your life. We need to surround ourselves with positive people who respect us.

I don't know how much it counts, but I see you as a mom.

[lilifelover]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

I don't know how much it counts, but I see you as a mom.

Are you kidding? This from the woman that my agency based a lot of their adoption counseling practices after... Of course it counts, and it means a lot. I see you as a mom to your son as well...we may have to work twice as hard to prove it, feel it, show it, whatever...but you have definately been someone to look up to, for all of us birthmothers and for your own children.

Thank you!

p.s. This is a little unrelated, but check out what's happening in congress these days, in TX they're doing a lot of abortion, foster care, ect legislation and you need to act now! Check with your congress-person to see what's happening in your state.

[Volfe]

Oh Lili, you need to hang out with me some. I only seem to find the most understanding and supportive ppl... like other bmoms, adopted folks and few aparents, those few like openness.

I have been always been reminded I am also a mother, a mom, a real mom, etc etc.

Is it this city?

Next time you visit here you'll hafta call on me!

Maia

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by lilifelover

.but you have definately been someone to look up to, for all of us birthmothers and for your own children.

Thank you, that's really sweet.

Originally Posted by lilifelover

p.s. This is a little unrelated, but check out what's happening in congress these days, in TX they're doing a lot of abortion, foster care, ect legislation and you need to act now! Check with your congress-person to see what's happening in your state.

I have been. It's pretty terrifying. You know in TX they have abstinance only education. The teen-age pregnancy rate has gone up something like 30%.