[bromanchik]

Originally posted by lilifelover
Anyway, most everyone that cares to know knows except one teacher.

For some reason I can't bring myself to tell her any form of real truth! She is parenting a 16-ish month little girl, she's single but much older than I am. Maybe it's a pride issue? She asks about my daughter all the time but all I can really do is give her a version of the truth without actually telling her that she was placed: "Oh, she's at home right now." or "I worked hard to keep her out of childcare." or "Her family takes care of her." Ug. It's either society or pride. Nothing can keep me from not being proud of her though!

You don't need to tell everyone . There is such a thing as privacy. Now if you feel you are becoming friends you might want to have a heart to heart with her.
\

Originally posted by lilifelover
This Mother's Day I will be out of town on vacation. The original finalization date was the day after Mother's Day so I was off of work...but I spoke with her APs and asked if it could be moved, but I'd understand if they didn't want to. They said yes! Now there won't be two hard things in a row for me and I won't forever associate mother's day with losing my girl (at least anymore than I would have anyway) and the AMother won't have a bitter-sweet holiday celebrating the life of her new daughter while still remembering the lives of all those children she lost to miscarriage.

I won't, however, subject myself to another Mother's Day sunday morning at church...no way.

Good for you!!! You are listening to your gut and taking care of yourself. I am really proud of you! That takes a lot of guts. You are worth it!

Originally posted by lilifelover
I'm sorry, I get carried away and talk too much. I keep forgetting that this isn't an email and I need to keep it shorter! Forgive me. Thanks again, Brenda. Perhaps I'll take a trip up north sometime soon!

The length is fine. You have a lot to say. It would be great to have you. The Lifegiver's Festival is next August.

[AmyRae613]

brenda..
when and where is this retreat?? my adoption agency is doing on the 15th of this month. i am very excited to go. i think that it will be very healing and i will get to meet other women who are in the same type of situation as me.

anyways...i had to put my two cents in. =)

[radiodoll]

This is so hard for me this year. I am having a really tough time and I didn't even think I would. Last year at this time I had yet to hear from the CI who contacted by birthmother. In July, I was informed that my birthmother was refusing contact of any sort. her huband (not my father) refused to let her (?) But I do know that she has two other daughters and several grandchildren, so I am sure her Mother's Day will be special. I am having anger about that. That I can't even send a card.

It's very much a two-time relinquishment and I an really having trouble accepting it.

My adoptive Mother, on the other hand, is the most wonderful woman I know and I celebrate almost EVERY day with her, as she is not well and aging quickly. We are closer than ever after many hard knocks for many years. I am so grateful for my time with her. She has given me a very special life.

Radiodoll

[bromanchik]

Originally posted by AmyRae613
brenda..
when and where is this retreat?? my adoption agency is doing on the 15th of this month. i am very excited to go. i think that it will be very healing and i will get to meet other women who are in the same type of situation as me.

Actually I did a Lifegiver's Festival for your agency two years ago. It is a four day conference/retreat. Is it now one day? What are they calling it?

[AmyRae613]

it is called a Lifegiver Retreat. it is just one day that is from 10am-5pm and then dinner following. not too sure what they are doing. all i know is that i am suppose to bring pictures to do some scrapbooking, and then any other pictures i want to show to the other birthmothers.

a four-day festivle? that would be sooo cool!! maybe they do that every other year or something in the summer. i will have to ask my adoption counselor about that. she is new to this agency, too. so she may not know either.

[vegcarrol]

Hi all,
I haven't been to the site for some time because of everyday life. But now I would love to hear your ideas. A quick background:

My 19 month old dd is the result of an open adoption. It was stopped at 23 hours because bdad's parents talked him into it. 5 1/2 weeks later, they called and asked us to come get her. They are married with a ds son 13 months older than my dd. We see them several times a year and send pictures at least every other month. We communicate frequently with a bfamily member via email and sometimes by phone. Bgrandparents have traveled to visit us and bparents hope to soon.

Both Christmas' I sent a gift that incorporated her handprints and footprints as well as framed pictures. We gave them very nice placement gifts (jewelry with dates and birthstones). We also give Christmas gifts to her bgrandparents and bbrother. Last Christmas, we took both children for professional pictures together. They are precious!

I am making scrapbooks for Christmas. I am also covering a memory box to give to them together to hold all the little cards, papers and gifts she will be sending to them. I want to give this to them separate from a holiday situation.

Last Mother's and Father's Days, I made cards to send and included homemade bookmarks with dd pictures and an appropriate saying. Each bparent got the same gift but the pictures and quotes were different.

My dilema is what to do this year. I would like to keep the gifts on the same level. They do not need to be identical but I don't want the gift for her bmom to overshadow bdad's. I especially don't want him to think we don't feel he is as important or that we are upset regarding the 5 1/2 weeks (we aren't and we love that we are all one family now). We also NEED to keep the costs of the gifts at a minimum (mere dollars).

Bmom goes to college but they haven't told anyone about dd. I thought about covering a compostiion book with some of dd original artwork. What do I do for bdad? I considered covering a pen cup or mouse pad with her artwork. But, I don't necessarily want him to know every year that his gift will be almost the same as what bmom received on Mother's Day. Also, bgramndmom will be here in a week. I am sure she will want to take some drawings with her. Especially, if dd colors them while she is here. That will take away from the uniqueness of the gift I was intending.

Please advise.

Thanks,
Carrol

[lilifelover]

Oh my. I've spent this whole term running around like a crazy person, getting back into my major courses and trying to graduate before my (birth)daughter is old enough to really remember that I'm gone.

Anyway, I glanced at the calendar and saw "Mother's Day" set for next week. Unfortunately, I won't be able to travel for a birthmother's day luncheon at the agency (it's the weekend before finals). I'm going to be here at school, kind of alone!

This year I don't have the money to send flowers to AMom or my mom, but they'll both get a card at least. I'm not going to make the painful mistake of calling Amom on mother's day like I did last year...

Does anyone have any cheap, but thoughtful ideas for mother's day? Poor, starving student here...but I'm still trying to be the good birthmother, the "entitling" birthmohter...the way I figure it, the more I give to them the better of a lif my daughter will have and the better it will be for all of us...

[vegcarrol]

lilifelover,

With internet or library access, why not find a meaningful poem? Write it on a plain bookmark (or cardstock you cut) and decorate with stickers or drawings. You can add a ribbon at the top. Amom can use this in her own books or to mark special pages in dd lifebook or scrapbooks. If you know something about the amom, customize the bookmark. for instance, does she love cooking or gardening or sewing? Put appropriate pictures on the bookmark. She can then use it in her cookbook, etc. Scrapbook paper is 30 cents at a crafts store and stickers can be found on sale or for $1 at a dollar store.

Carrol

[lilifelover]

what is "dd?"

[vegcarrol]

dd = dear daughter
ds = dear son
dh = dear husband
MIL = mother-in-law
SIL = sister-in-law
and so on

[Coley]

Veg Carrol said "Bmom goes to college but they haven't told anyone about dd. I thought about covering a compostiion book with some of dd original artwork. What do I do for bdad? I considered covering a pen cup or mouse pad with her artwork. But, I don't necessarily want him to know every year that his gift will be almost the same as what bmom received on Mother's Day. Also, bgramndmom will be here in a week. I am sure she will want to take some drawings with her. Especially, if dd colors them while she is here. That will take away from the uniqueness of the gift I was intending."

I think covering a compostition book w/ your dd's drawings is a great idea. If bmom doesn't feel comfortable using it at school, she could use it as a journal.

I also like the ideas you did at Christmas w/ the handprints. Here's another handprint idea I love: Take your dd's hand and trace it. Cut out multiple of her hands in green. Layer the handprints to form a circle that will "frame" a photo of her. Scatter die cut flowers among the leaf handprints. It really is cute!

I don't think that bdad will mind having a gift that is similar to bmoms. I think he will be honored that he has been remembered!

I like the mousepad idea for him. I don't think drawings can loose their uniqueness or specialness for birthparents. As her mother, you probably see her drawings every day, but as birthparents, we see them infrequently so each one holds special meaning to us!

Lilife Lover wrote, "Does anyone have any cheap, but thoughtful ideas for mother's day? Poor, starving student here...but I'm still trying to be the good birthmother, the "entitling" birthmohter...the way I figure it, the more I give to them the better of a lif my daughter will have and the better it will be for all of us..."

I love vegcarrol's idea for using a poem. I did something similar on my bson's first Christmas. I typed up an adoption poem I really liked and thought his a parents would like too. I printed it out on pretty patterned cardstock. I bought a frame at the $1 store - and had a meaningful gift that I made for less than $2! Besides, it's not so much the gift itself that is important, but the thought behind the gift.

Now, I have a question for some of you....... I have never sent a card to my bson's amom before. Would it be odd if I did so this year? He is 3 and 1/2. What do some of you write in these cards???

Coley

[michellemartin]

I didnt send a card last year, but I delivered right before (the weekend before) mothers day last year. This will be the first mothers day I'm sending a card, too. Plus I havent sent Xmas or birthday cards since I dont celebrate them. I dont know what to write in it either, partly because we talk about weekly on email. I hope it's not odd for me to do it either... go ahead Coley, send a card. Get one with something sappy on it so you dont have to think up something sentimental . Or at least that's what I'm going to do since I have no creativity at all.

I like the poem in a frame idea. Thanks Coley. I think I might send that over for mothers day, or bring it as a gift when I visit on Birthmothers Day.

Anyone know where I can find a good poem? One that you dont see everywhere?

[lilifelover]

I sent flowers to Amom on her first mother's day with my daughter (she already had an older adopted son)....and I called, which turned out to be a no-no and very hurtful. This year, I can't afford the tradition of flowers, as I was hoping to, so I'm definately sending a handmade card...courtesy of craft stuff at walmart...and I guess that's it?

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by lilifelover

I sent flowers to Amom on her first mother's day with my daughter (she already had an older adopted son)....and I called, which turned out to be a no-no and very hurtful.

Why was it hurtful? Did she do anything for you?

[lilifelover]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

Why was it hurtful? Did she do anything for you?

No, it wasn't that. I guess I just had different expectations for that conversation than she did. We hadn't talked a whole lot about how she became a mom...or anything like that, so when I called to wish her a happy mother's day what I got was, "Someday, when you have kids of your own I can say the same." It just hit me the wrong way, and I don't want to hear that anymore...so, I'll call her another day.