[3inCO]

I asked our daughter's birthmom if she would like to have professional pictures of herself, our daughter and her new baby girl taken for Mother's/Birthmother's Day. She loved the idea and even came up with the same place I was thinking of to have them taken.

Becky

[AmyRae613]

that is a wonderful idea!! how old is your adoptive daughter?? i was talking to my mom last night about bmother's day...and she said that she will take me out to dinner, and maybe i could call naedean and see if could come down and see kaylee that day or something. then all of us could go to dinner. i don't know. we will just have to wait and see how everything plays out.

[LilOne]

Oh my gosh amy rae!! She is getting so big!! HOw adorable!!!!!! I can't access the pics on the other site, so this is one of the newer ones i ahve seen. She is just beautiful!!



Lisa

[AmyRae613]

thanks so much lisa!! she is a completely solid 12 pound baby. lol she is so cute. yes, that is one of the newest pics. that picture was taken at lunch on friday when her and naedean came up to have lunch with me. i miss her alot today. it doesn't help that my cousin and her baby are out here in oregon visiting. i went up and saw them at my grandma's last tuesday. i didn't think i was really that bothered by it that much until i started to think about it this weekend. her lil girl is two weeks older than kaylee. tomorrow my family is doing a bday party for my grandma. mom asked me if i was going to come and i told her no. not because i do not want to go, but with having heather and the baby there...it is too hard for me to be there. i have not had any problems with any other babies up until now. mom thinks it is because heather and baby are family where the other babies that i know are not. i have those jealous feelings that she kept hers and i made the choice to place. things will get better. i am back at taking my meds...and so those will kick in soon. =)

anyways...back to work! talk to you soon!!

[Coley]

Originally posted by 3inCO
I asked our daughter's birthmom if she would like to have professional pictures of herself, our daughter and her new baby girl taken for Mother's/Birthmother's Day. She loved the idea and even came up with the same place I was thinking of to have them taken.

Becky, that is a great idea and very sweet!!

I think its awesome that so many of you adoptive mothers are reaching out to honor your children's birthmothers on birthmother's day/mother's day.

Also, if any of you communicate with other birthmothers online, we have some free bmom's day e-cards at BirthMom Buds.

Hope all of you have a good BirthMom's Day or Mother's Day, whatever the case may be!!

Hugs,

Coley

[M.Dumas]

just an idea...

Use a small box like a jewelry box.
Take some fabric from a baby blanket and wrap it.
Tie a ribbon with a bow around it.
Attach this poem with it:

This is a very special gift,
That you can never see.
The reason it's so special is,
It's just for you and me.
You can never unwrap it,
Please leave the ribbon tied.
Just hold it close to your heart,
It's filled with love inside.
(childs name and date)


~Marcia~
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

[AmyRae613]

that little poem is so sweet!! i may just have to do that for my own mom for mother's day. =)

[CB1138]

hi my name is Carri. i was adopted at age 7. my BMom had to give me up for adoption because she had HIV/AIDS. since i was about 9 i have celebrated Mother's day in honor of her. I'm glad to finaly know that there is a day especially for her. She died on January 10,1996. I never really got to know her since i was in foster care since i was 2. however i have always held her close to my heart every day of my life. I hope all BMoms realize that even though you may not be able to see your child/ children they still hold you in their heart..ALWAYS.

- Carri
age:17


I love you Denice.

[allabouthorses]

I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, but I would caution all adoptive mothers to be careful when celebrating "Birthmother's Day". Not all bmothers like the idea of a separate day for them. For alot, it doesn't make them feel special, it simply points out that they are not considered to be a real mother to their child.

As an adoptee, the idea of Bmother's Day really bothers me. I, for one, have bought TWO Mother's Day cards, and will be sending my bmother's card this week, so it will arrive in time for Mother's Day. She may not have raised me, but she is no more or less of a mother than my amom is. They are both my mothers, and I plan to acknowledge that.

[Jackiejdajda]

Carri

Thank you for sharing that Carri..

It does my heart good to read it..


Jackie

[lilifelover]

Brenda Romanchik- oh my you made me cry again! I love the way you can explain things.

I just found out last week that there is such thing as "BirthMother's Day." I like the idea, but hate the idea of being seperate from Mother's day. Either way, I'm glad there is something out there for me. I have a feeling it's going to be spent away from my daughter, however, and that makes me sad. I have bought 2 dozen roses and made a card that will reach the adoptive mom exactly 7 months after placement (a couple of days before mother's day)...and I'm skipping mother's day at church. No need in torturing myself now.

If I were an adoptive parent I would definatley be sending something great to my child's birthmom (or better yet bringing the baby over for the day)!

I don't know if any APs actually do things like that...but we can hope, can't we?

I just wish society didn't demand silence and complacency from birthmothers. I hate that twinge that people get in their faces when I tell them about my daughter and they hear the answer to their "Well, where is she?" question. I forget for a moment that I'm "not supposed" to be proud of her...but I am.

I don't know. I'm rambling. And I wish I had a day that me and my daughter could call our own. Perhaps her birthday in october...if not birthmother's day.

[3inCO]

It looks like we will get together on Friday and have pictures taken and maybe do lunch. I am just getting into this scrapbooking thing a little (I'm not super creative) and thought maybe I would work on a individualized baby book for our daughter's birthmom's new little baby.

Amy Rae: Our daughter is 22 months old and full of energy!

lilifelover: There are some of us who do things like that. A's birthfamily was here for her first birthday, we get together every month or so. Her birthmom calls about once a week now, I was at her baby shower, and she called me several times during labor with her new baby, and we get to babysit overnight later this month! Some times it is an odd relationship and we are still figuring things out, but honestly, she is a part of our family. People say the dumbest things to us as well when we talk about A's birthmom. "You mean you SEE her?" "She sees the baby?" "Why would you want to know her?" HELLO!!!! Why would I NOT want to know her? She gave birth to my child! I sometimes forget how people still view open adotption. I'll be talking about the new baby or something we talked about and the other person will be dumbfounded. My boys birthmoms wanted semi-open adoptions and then completely closed them. I respect the pain they may be going through, but I know my sons will have qestions that won't be answered soon enough. My daughter will always have access to her birthmom. We love A's birthmom, we love our son's birthmoms. I hope you get some recognition on Mother's Day. Last year (her first) I did not know whether it would cause more pain to say something or not. I learned my lesson when the phone rang and SHE was wishing ME a happy Mother's Day. I vowed right then to make sure she knows how much we care! Good Luck. I will be thinking of you and all the other birthmothers this weekend! God Bless!

Becky

[Mom2J]

lilifelover, I'm an aparent to one child that was adopted internationally and a legal guardian to my cousin's child. Even though our cousin had the children removed from her care several times, we know the importance of the children knowing her. (In a very safe atmosphere.) She lives over 14-hours away from us, but we are sending her a "hugs and kisses" bracelet to let her know she's not forgotten and she's indeed loved. She's also getting a card from all of her children and a beautiful copy of a poem written about a mother's love. We know that celebrating Mother's day is as important to her as it is to us. (Actually, she's not expecting anything at all, so we know this will be a total surprise to her. We are also hoping it will give her a lot of hope for the upcoming months, because she was just diagnosed with cancer-early stage, and could use some extra hugs and kisses.)

K.

[bromanchik]

Originally posted by lilifelover
Brenda Romanchik- oh my you made me cry again! I love the way you can explain things.

I just found out last week that there is such thing as "BirthMother's Day." I like the idea, but hate the idea of being seperate from Mother's day. Either way, I'm glad there is something out there for me.

I see both days as being for you....just in different ways. Birthmothers day is more commemoration than celebration. It is a place to put our sadness. Mother's Day is a place to celebrate our children, or for our children to celebrate us. I see those days as filling two very different needs.

Originally posted by lilifelover
I don't know if any APs actually do things like that...but we can hope, can't we?

My son's mom has never failed to remember me on Mother's Day. I have also tried to get a card out. (I hate to say this but I am late with a lot. Although I do not discriminate. I am that way with everybody.)

Originally posted by lilifelover
I just wish society didn't demand silence and complacency from birthmothers. I hate that twinge that people get in their faces when I tell them about my daughter and they hear the answer to their "Well, where is she?" question. I forget for a moment that I'm "not supposed" to be proud of her...but I am.

Since when do we have to do what society demands of us? America has a great tradition of breaking the mold, from our founding fathers and mothers, to abolitionists, to pacifists, to civil rights workers, to us. Being proud of her will rub off others eventually, but even if it doesn't rub off on any one but your daughter, it is worth it. Everytime you "brag" about her, whether she is there or not, it validates her and her right to be loved by both her birth family and her adoptive family.

Originally posted by lilifelover
I don't know. I'm rambling. And I wish I had a day that me and my daughter could call our own. Perhaps her birthday in october...if not birthmother's day.

You know, I've heard this from adoptive mother's too. But adoption creates a duality. Whereas most parents both give birth to and raise their children, birthmother's and adoptive mothers only do one. It does not makes us less, but it does make us different. So many people have a hard time with the "two mothers" concept. You are only supposed to have one. You are only supposed to love one. But as a very wise women once said, "If a mother can love more than one child, why can't a child love more than one mother?"

My son does not see me as his parent. He does see me as one of his two mothers. He loves us both. I am honored that he shares Mother's Day with both of us.

[lilifelover]

Thank you Brenda!

That post had caught me on a really bad day. I had just finished making my daughter's AMom this really awesome card (if I do say so myself) ) and ordering the flowers...

I've worked in childcare for over a year...pretty much as soon as I got pregnant and left the school I loved and the birthfather. Well, EVERYONE there saw this tiny little pregnant girl running around for those 7 or so months before she was born but not everyone knew she was placed. Since placement and since my return to work I have at least 12 pictures of her on the wall (far less than my home of course). The kids love to see " baby Faith" all over the room. Anyway, most everyone that cares to know knows except one teacher.

For some reason I can't bring myself to tell her any form of real truth! She is parenting a 16-ish month little girl, she's single but much older than I am. Maybe it's a pride issue? She asks about my daughter all the time but all I can really do is give her a version of the truth without actually telling her that she was placed: "Oh, she's at home right now." or "I worked hard to keep her out of childcare." or "Her family takes care of her." Ug. It's either society or pride. Nothing can keep me from not being proud of her though!

I wear a "Precious Feet" pin on my lapel each day to honor her and have a wallet full of pictures of her (and a car-ful and a purseful...) Wow, I am rambling again.

This Mother's Day I will be out of town on vacation. The original finalization date was the day after Mother's Day so I was off of work...but I spoke with her APs and asked if it could be moved, but I'd understand if they didn't want to. They said yes! Now there won't be two hard things in a row for me and I won't forever associate mother's day with losing my girl (at least anymore than I would have anyway) and the AMother won't have a bitter-sweet holiday celebrating the life of her new daughter while still remembering the lives of all those children she lost to miscarriage.

I won't, however, subject myself to another Mother's Day sunday morning at church...no way.

I'll tell you what though-I'll get up early on Sunday and call the AMom, just to tell her that I love her and I know Faith loves her and that she's a wonderful mother. I blew it and told her that a few weeks ago! ) She enjoyed it though. I can surely do it again. And in June I'll be calling Faith's Daddy too.

I'm sorry, I get carried away and talk too much. I keep forgetting that this isn't an email and I need to keep it shorter! Forgive me. Thanks again, Brenda. Perhaps I'll take a trip up north sometime soon!