[cmdom100]

So sorry but I’ll give you a quick experice of what I went through. Every adoptee has a different experience. My brother did not care to look for our roots but I did. Sadly it wasn’t for my mom but it was for my sister. In the process the opportunity to meet my mom came into play and so I did. Looking in her eyes I saw the hurt and I also saw the reflection of my hurt to . Seeing her after not liking her for years left me speechless. I can’t help but think it was because of her I was put into "The system" at 2 years old and left there till 10 when I was adopted. If it wasn’t for her kids at school wouldn’t have said "foster kid" like I was some stray dog. Because of her I was moved to four different homes never with warning or good bye, because of her my brother who was my only family was sent to a group home and 7 different foster homes and now in prison. Me I was a fighter I made a promise that I would not fall into the statistics of being a drug user or pregnant. I kept a roof over my head and walked the straight line of life never to fall into the clutches that my brother did. I met my mom in 1995 and to this day I don’t call or write. I don’t hate her or love her she is just a distant member in my life. My sister will say oh mom says hi or happy birthday and I say oh tell her I say thank you and hello to. That's it.. I guess I feel like I have paid my dues as a foster and adopted kid. I have also made her wish come true by seeing her and letting her know I’m alright now .. I know she wants more but I just don’t have those feelings for her. I don’t think it's anyone’s fault but I just don’t. I do like to hear from her occasionally so don’t stop sending cards. I'm sure he knows you care but now just as I , I am free, happy, married and know my roots and adoptive life. I am content now...

[Jackiejdajda]

FatBirdy wrote..Bmom's give their children away so they can get on with their lives,

That was not true in my case.. I had a terrible time after I relinquished my son.
I got on with my life by getting a job and vowing I would never be poor again.. There was no welfare for women like me back then.. No help ..
My parents were not capable of taking care of my son while I worked..

Jackie

[Mary RamireZ]

birthmother of sons not up to contack yet do you have sister and bother of birthson they might want contack. Mybe a birthsister or bother can start a relsonship first. My birthson mother tells me he intrest in meeting but he has the picture of his birthsister that is two years older and cuter that both his mother So she want to contack him only he his gay and that not a problem to her/
Lots of Love
Mary

[Carol Bird]

Hang in there, BKB
Yours is a story I hear from time to time from both sides - adoptee and birthparent. I've held many a hand as one or the other struggled through search and reunion over the past ten years.

What I learned is that the first contact comes as a shock to some, and it takes a bit of time for them to process what is happening. I have birthmom friends who have waited four or five years for a son or daughter to finally reach out to them.

Yes, it's tough waiting -- especially after all the years of yearning you endured before contact was made. But, a reunion can't be forced. In most cases, after a few years, the adoptee or birthparent will reach out, and a reunion will happen.

In the meantime, I agree that you should continue to send updates. Don't get mushy, but let your son know that you will always be there if he ever wants to meet you and his biological family. Don't dwell on the pain of separation. Keep your letters light and never give up hope.

Take this time to prepare yourself. Talk to others who've experienced the same sort of reaction.

It is true that the male child doesn't search as readily as the female, but I have many birthmoms who have successfully reunited with their sons. The relationships are good and in time they bond quite strongly.

I AM sorry this is happening to you. This is the sort of nightmare we all experience when we first consider searching.

Continue to be patient and understanding and reassure your son that you dont' want to intrude on his life, but want dearly to KNOW him.

Good Luck ...
Hugs, Carol Bird