[redanley]

Hello all of you wonderful, educated, BRAVE mommies!

After reading, what seems like hundreds of threads, I feel like you gals could be most resourceful. I will try to keep this short...notice I said, "try". (smile)

My partner's nephew has been ward of the state of CA since 8/2008. Prior to foster care, he bounced from place to place with his birth parents while they fostered their drug habits. He will be 2 this December. My partner's brother, the baby's father, is a complete a total loser. He has seven children, all in the system. For the last year, him and the baby's mother have been homeless, using drugs, and running from the law...and she's pregnant with his number EIGHT! I think they still have parental rights but because they have not made any attempt at contact, let alone reunification, those rights are quickly slipping away. On 9-30-09, there is a court date to determine any progress that the two of them have made in regard to "parenting" this child.

The child's maternal grandma has kept us abreast on this entire nightmare and when she informed us that the child would soon be up for adoption, we jumped at the chance. We are only 2 weeks into the process but I am very much a planner/organizer and I need to know what to expect so I can properly plan emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, domestically, etc.

So far...we have talked to the child's case worker 3 times. She comes off very flat and we both feel rushed off of the phone which makes us nervous because we want her to like us. She originally stated that she wanted him placed with us before the court date but today when I talked to her, she had no time frame on anything. Our paperwork should (fingers crossed!) arrive tomorrow and we will complete it and fax it back to her immediately. I am aware that home and psychological assessments, as well as criminal history checks need to be completed but how long should we expect that to take? Is there anything we can do to expedite the process? What else can we do, in general?

I worry about finances because my partner and I are both in education and coming off of the summer vacation, our funds are LOW. Considering that this will be (I think) a kinship adoption, is there any type of financial support available to us? I asked the case worker today if we would be responsible for the cost of the assessments, background checks, etc. and she said no. Since we will be adopting the child out of the state, will they cover all costs? Will we be eligible for the one time reimbursement from the state? I am assuming that we will be responsible for travel and lodging right?

I am still trying to locate a support group that is lesbian-friendly and in the meantime...I have NO ONE to turn to for counsel, advice, venting, etc.

This is where you are come in....I hope you have room for one new (hopeful) mommy!

Thank you in advance, for everything.

[saj]

Welcome and bless you for all you want to do for "children." I have no input on your delima other than to advise you to cross post this on perhaps "foster adopt sites." Other than that, this is just a "bump up."

Good luck to you,

Sincerely,
Saj

[Mom2FourPlus1]

Hi there -

The laws are going to vary by state, and so will the time-frame. I know in my state, it seems NO ONE is in a hurry.

I just wanted to offer encouragement to you! I am an attorney and worked as a GAL for kids in foster care for 3 years. I have done many, many adoptions, including same-sex parent adoptions. I met some amazing families in my work....and some truly terrific kids!

Just so you know - depending on state law where you are, your partner may have to adopt first, and then you also adopt as well. It may not happen at the same time (ie at the same court hearing). It all depends on how your state defines "couple", "marriage", "family", etc etc blah blah blah. Just wanted you to be aware of that.....

Best of luck!