[missionrunner]

Does anybody have any information about additional fees charged by agencies for adopting twins? Our agency sent out a potential birthmom notification to us for consideration in which the birthmom is carrying twins. The agency explained in the message that in addition to the match fee (if we're even chosen) there was an additional fee of $15,000 (!!!!). Has anybody out there experienced this? Is this normal? What other services could this fee cover that aren't covered by the hefty match fee our agency charges when a birthmom choses an adoptive family. It's our understanding that the match fee covers any expenses that the birthmom may have - the agency covers those with the match fee instead of us paying those directly. We have inquired with our agency about the extra fee but are still waiting for a reply so I thought I would try this forum. Any information from you guys with experience with this would be appreciated.

Thanks very much!

[MamaS]

When I was adopting through an agency the extra fee for twins was optional. If you could not afford it (and most families could not) you were allowed to adopt just one twin. I don't think they would do that now, but I personally knew three families who got a "single" twin, due to finances.

[sheababy]

I think that's ridiculous-they have not provided you any extra services! Our agency was outrageously priced but if we adopted twins (or even siblings) there was no additional charge.

I imagine there may be additional attorney fees or court fees for the finalization but I don't know what other additional expenses would exist.

[Longing2bMom]

So the agency gets an additional $15,000 without providing any additional services or incurring any additional costs? Wow, that sounds an awful lot like baby selling to me!

[momraine]

I can't beleive they would separate twins. I also agree, what extra costs are they incurring?

[cborsa7]

I cannot speak to this practice in Domestic adoption but it is typical procedure of most International and can vary in costs. 15,000 would not be out of line for twin International adoptions. I would imagine this information should have been included in your original contract with the agency, you may want to look at that. Unfortunately, I would find it unlikely that there would not be an additional fee for a twin and may be something each agency has control over as far as cost.

[dpen6]

I would be out of my mind furious if I found out that I* missed out on a twin realtionship because of a lousy 15 thousand dollars....I can not wrap my brain around the sheer mercurial( mercenery) attitued being taken by these ageny's. I think its a travesty that they or anyone would just glibly seprate twins because of money...does anyone not see the horrible ethical wrongs being done here. Do they think they can make more of of thwins, do they really beleive its ok to sperate twins for no good reason???

I have a set of twins and the thought of them being seperated at birth makes me nauseous. I see NO good reason for it. I see losing a twin relationship so much worse then losing bmom or bfather relationship......

I can not beleive how unethicla this is and no one is objecting!!!!!

This is a perfect example of the baby selling tatics used and the total lack of regard for the children...best interst of the children...ya right!!

[MamaS]

dpen6: I never heard the phrase "Best Interest of the Child" while I was adopting. The agency was paid (by PAPs) to find them a child - preferably as young as possible and of the desired sex (usually female). If there are two babies there are two happy PAPs. Period. Of course, if there are PAP's who have the money to pay a double fee and are willing to take male/female siblings then there is no problem (from the agency's point of view). Agency gets money - agency happy. Parents get baby - parents happy. Baby gets home - good for baby. Baby loses out on relationship with twin -- well, just don't tell baby there was a twin! Problem solved!
Of course now, with open records and open adoptions it doesn't work like that, but in the 1980's it was SOP.

[missionrunner]

Our situation is a domestic one. I can appreciate the input from the poster who had international adoption experience becuase there are orphanage fees involved and you are paying those for two babies, not one. I don't believe that our agency would entertain the idea of separating the twins since their focus really seems to be on working with the birthmom to make sure that they are making the best decision for them. What gets my goat in this situation isn't the fee itself (although it will eliminate us from the pool of prospective parents for birthmom to consider) it's that I've asked for an explanation (twice) from the agency and have gotten no response. I feel as if I'm in some black hole and am being ignored. I understand that their priority is working with the birthmom but how hard is it to knock off a quick e-mail? Even one telling me to "buzz off, I'm busy" would be better than sitting in limbo.

[momraine]

I can see that there would be more fees in international, because you are paying for the orphanage fees and they have been feeding and clothing two children. Of course then there is the extra cost of the passport and visa for the second child, but I don't see what would be the cost for it in domestic. I also think an agency ignoring you is a total red flag.

[cborsa7]

Just a quick note: The things you mentioned in International are usually in addition to the cost for adopting, not included in the agency fees.
I am certainly not saying I agree with the agency fee, but, it does seem to be normal practice. I wouldn't imagine it would be waived for domestic.

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by MamaS

dpen6: I never heard the phrase "Best Interest of the Child" while I was adopting. The agency was paid (by PAPs) to find them a child - preferably as young as possible and of the desired sex (usually female). If there are two babies there are two happy PAPs. Period. Of course, if there are PAP's who have the money to pay a double fee and are willing to take male/female siblings then there is no problem (from the agency's point of view). Agency gets money - agency happy. Parents get baby - parents happy. Baby gets home - good for baby. Baby loses out on relationship with twin -- well, just don't tell baby there was a twin! Problem solved!
Of course now, with open records and open adoptions it doesn't work like that, but in the 1980's it was SOP.

Do Youthinkthats ok? Doyoubelive its ok to split twins because the agency wants more money? Doyouthink its ok to split twins because the pap don't want two?

So adoption really is about the paps? WOW...anytime reunion is talked about adopteesare told how much better off we were and how its really not necessary to find bparents as we should be thankful for the parentswe have.....does that mean we should be thankfgul that a twin realtionship has been severed to make the paying customer happy.

If this is really ok then my resolve for adoption reform is ever more strong....if parents can't afford twins then they should not be able to adopt either one..it should be mandatory to keep them to gehter...there is NO good reason not too.

Actually there is a proiblem if baby find out about twin later and life, thereis a huge measure of anger and hurt at the absolute disrespt given this child that will be "loved so much" ....its not loving a child to sepertate them from the closet realtionship a human can have..their twin....

Adoption is alws sputed as best interst of thechild..thats the line agency's give to the bmoms to hand over their babies...thats the line adoptees are given when asked why they were placed...I can't beleive you never heard it...WOW....I am 51 and been around a while I have heard it from the time I was little!!!

[MamaS]

Dpen6: I am 57. When I was 28, I decided to adopt. That was 1980. I wrote letters to 35 agencies. 33 rejected me because I was single or too young. Three were willing to accept me as a client. One was a domestic agency asking $35,000+ for a healthy CC infant. The other two were international agencies, asking $8,000 - $10.000. The client could choose the country, the sex, and the age range. They could also choose a sibling group if they were willing to pay double the fee.
A "home study" involved filling out a questionnaire, one home visit and four references from non-relatives. There were three "preparation" groups: one dealt with the physical health problems of international adoptees, one dealt with the paperwork involved in re-adoption and citizenship and one dealt with "introducing your child to families and friends" - picking out announcements, etc. When we "graduated" from the program, we were each given an ethnic doll and a cookbook from the country of our choice. I NEVER HEARD anything about "best interest of the child", attachment parenting, PTAD, RAD, open records, etc until I found this site. (I wish I had, because one of mine had RAD!) And I personally knew three families who got one fraternal twin -- they were given contact info on the location of the other twin to do with as they chose. (In each case the families took the boy, because the waiting list was much longer for a girl and they didn't want to wait. Three months after my papers were filed I was offered a male infant who was a fraternal twin. I asked to have both and was told the girl had already been given to someone higher up on the waiting list. I declined and waited six more months for a girl.)
Do I think this was right? No. Do I think the children might grow up and be angry? Yes, if they are told about their sibling. But this is how it was in 1980. All the agencies presented the idea that we were rescuing international orphans from war, poverty and disease and giving them the wonderful opportunity to be Americans. Maybe domestic adoptions were different, but I don't think so. If anything, couples chose domestic adoption so they didn't have to admit that the child was adopted. (No, I don't think that is right either, but I know it happened!)

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by MamaS

Dpen6: I am 57. When I was 28, I decided to adopt. That was 1980. I wrote letters to 35 agencies. 33 rejected me because I was single or too young. Three were willing to accept me as a client. One was a domestic agency asking $35,000+ for a healthy CC infant. The other two were international agencies, asking $8,000 - $10.000. The client could choose the country, the sex, and the age range. They could also choose a sibling group if they were willing to pay double the fee.
A "home study" involved filling out a questionnaire, one home visit and four references from non-relatives. There were three "preparation" groups: one dealt with the physical health problems of international adoptees, one dealt with the paperwork involved in re-adoption and citizenship and one dealt with "introducing your child to families and friends" - picking out announcements, etc. When we "graduated" from the program, we were each given an ethnic doll and a cookbook from the country of our choice. I NEVER HEARD anything about "best interest of the child", attachment parenting, PTAD, RAD, open records, etc until I found this site. (I wish I had, because one of mine had RAD!) And I personally knew three families who got one fraternal twin -- they were given contact info on the location of the other twin to do with as they chose. (In each case the families took the boy, because the waiting list was much longer for a girl and they didn't want to wait. Three months after my papers were filed I was offered a male infant who was a fraternal twin. I asked to have both and was told the girl had already been given to someone higher up on the waiting list. I declined and waited six more months for a girl.)
Do I think this was right? No. Do I think the children might grow up and be angry? Yes, if they are told about their sibling. But this is how it was in 1980. All the agencies presented the idea that we were rescuing international orphans from war, poverty and disease and giving them the wonderful opportunity to be Americans. Maybe domestic adoptions were different, but I don't think so. If anything, couples chose domestic adoption so they didn't have to admit that the child was adopted. (No, I don't think that is right either, but I know it happened!)

I know the agnecy's were cold and maybe still are...do you see the "baby selling" context here?

Again., in extreme circumstanses if in fact the baies lives were in danger and had to be seperated I could see it...But I tend to doubt that exteme danger was a fact for most seperated babies....the extra money with twins is what I see as the mo0tivating factor for most agnecy;'s/

Mamma, I am not saying YOU didanything wrong..but can't you see how aboherrent it isto glibly sep0erate twins, or be a part ofseperating twins just because of money.

Maybe it did happen and it was glibly done with no thought of the "product" invovlvbed but my7 goodness I would hope that we have become more evolved and not just glibly sperate twins...human beings cvoncieved, nutured and born at the sme time...just because an agency can make more money or papp0s have a chance of "getting a baby" even it it means seperating their closest biological relative.

It just soundas downright cruel and cold to me..

I don't see the best interst of thechild their at all.

So again...what is adoption about...the need for a family to have a baby or a baby to have a family. if you say baby to have a family(right answer folks) then baby needs their family that was born with them and apart of them.

[momraine]

I do agree that twins should never be separated, unless there is a danger to one.