[Jensboys]

It is with great sadness that I let you know that my dear friend, and former member of this site, Jordanmode, committed suicide today.

Jordan's daughter, Malia, will turn 3 on the 12th never knowing the love of her birthmom.

Jordan's daughter was adopted by parents who promised her a visit and on going contact. They used (actually wrote the book on) "Fast Track Adoption" but treated her as expendible. I have listened to her pain, her agony at broken promises and a relationship she thought she could rely on. I have heard her cry for just ONE meeting with her daughter's mother, I have heard her ache for a video just to hear and see what her daughter looked like. She wanted some beautiful pictures but felt that she could never ask ... for fear of being "cut off" even more. Susan, how can you live with yourself? Your fear and your jealousy did this.

Today the pain became too much. Ohh Jordan I will miss you so much. I hope you find your rainbow.

[Anne5]

Fast Track Adoption. I can imagine what it might mean but I want to ask about this. It sounds as if this was a problem for this adoption remaining open. Was this the reason for the family closing Jordan/Cindy out of this childs life?

[bromanchik]

Anne5,
They gave no reason. They stalled when she asked for things, they sent her blurry pictures. They practically made her beg for a second video. They made many promises that i do not think they intended to keep. They silenced her on these boards. Made her remove her posts. They did not want to hear about her pain or see anything on line that reflected on them. They said it was for "privacy" reasons. My feeling is that if you want your privacy in adoption you should not write a book about it.

I am glad she found a small adoption community on-line that the adoptive mother did not have access to. Her pain was too great for us to help her resolve. We are all reeling from it. I am glad she was able to speak freely to us. We now speak freely for her here.

Fast Track Adoption is about getting a baby fast, without the "help" of agencies. It is about being "engaged" with the "birthparents", so you can see any "warning signs that may foreshadow bigger problems ahead". (Like an expectant parent actually wanting to raise their own child!) She has said it is about respect and not making false promises to "sell yourself". I wish she had taken her own advice.

[Rowan]

Hi

Yes - the news is reaching Europe.

I am horrified and deeply saddened to hear of the tragedy that has come from the fact that another open adoption has been closed and another birthmother is treated like this by the very people she entrusted her child to.

The terrible things that human beings can do to each other never ceases to disgust me. All for a few photographs and some updates promised in a morally binding agreement.

My heart goes out to the people left behind. My thoughts keep going back to the anguish she must have suffered to have got to the point of taking her own life.



I noted that the adoptive mother in question is a known author with books for sale on major online book vendors and is involved in a TV Program for a major Nationwide TV Company in the USA on subject of adoption. !?! A responsible, authority on Adoption to teach the nation !?!

I know who's books and expertise and opinion I will 'not' be recommending for educational purposes.


Disgusting.


Rowan

I( have been reading about this since yesterday....I have been thinking about this poor woman that felt she had no other choice but to kill herself and I feel such sadness for her. The suffering she must have endured to get to that place must have been unimaginable.

But, as an adoptee there is another feeling that I am feeling...a slow, burning anger at the injusticeness bestowed on this poor girl. It nevers ceases to amaze me how or when someone is considered intelligant, full of academic achievments, and considered "successful"....as this adopted mom is...how it makes it ok to hurt another human being. I can just hear the rationalizations being bandied about right about now. " Well, this poor girl was depressed anyway" or how about "if someone wants to commit suicide they will!" or "I could not have had anything to do with wanting to hurt herself....she had the problems, she is the one that could not handle life". With intelligence and lots of education comes an ability to hide ones true charector and a feeling of superiorty and entitlement..."look at what I have accomplished, why can't I get what I want!"...in this case a fast adoption....with no thought to birthmom or adoptee. This child has now lost a part of herself and her adoptive mom probably could have prevented it....before anyone yells....we could not have prevented it(I am speaking as the amom here)...reality is ...yes, you could have, if you had kept in contact as promised, maybe with your education and ability to how to get someone elses baby quickly...maybe you could have recognized her severe depression and help her. Instead, now, you don't have to worry about a birthmom!

This amom does not get it....her daughter will always be a part of her birthmom, you can only pretend for so long. What raltionalization will be told to this child about her birthmom, how long do they think she will buy it.

Can that severe depression be genetic, can it be passed on?

Sorry for the rambling but those are some thoughts running around this empty brain.

My condolences to everyone that knew her....its so sad.

Donna

[Teresa K]

I am so sorry for the people who knew Cindy. The story certainly brought back a flood of memories as I was also "punished", but for reclaiming my children. The family somehow managed to keep my children. The threats I have recieved are beyond comprehension. The feeling of defeat...well, there are days I wish I would never wake up. Support systems cut down, but in my case the facilitator has went futher. Due to recent events with the facilitator I moved, meaning I took my children from where they had lived for many years, so we can feel safe from this so called adoption professional.

I agree, these people claim to care about "birthparents" but my opinion is, it is more about money, and getting a baby. Laws must be changed, this story is going to every state official I can find in hopes someone will consider changing laws, and making the lies told to get a child legally binding, with some punishment, I can not get upset with my ex husband, then punish him by denying contact. It is contempt, I could go to jail. It seems fair a contact agreement in adoption be the same.

20/20 plans to air a show on Fast Track adoption. Maybe with enough emails they will at least consider telling the other side of the story.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/sections/2...mail_form.html

Once again, to all that knew Cindy, I am sorry for your loss.

Teresa

[Missy M]

"20/20 plans to air a show on Fast Track adoption. Maybe with enough emails they will at least consider telling the other side of the story."

Question...when is this story set to air? Thanks, MissyM

[lewellen]

Just sent an e-mail including this lnk to ABCNews. Let's keep this topic at the top.

I am so sorry for what happened. It's just wrong.

LewEllen

[Jensboys]

What is truly sick is as we post this ... an advertisement for that book pops up.

Susan enjoyed living in her "perfect" world with a perfect "method" that obtained for her a daughter. I hope she cannot justify this -- and her treatment of our dear Jordan, to ANYONE.

Thank God Jordan found a safe place to share her pain or Malia may have never had the chance to know how her birthmom really felt. We will make sure that Jordan's memory lives for her daughter. WE WILL MAKE SURE.

[Rowan]

Hi

I was also thinking...

How on earth will Malia feel when she finds out that the mother who brought her up helped to set the path of her birthmothers suicide? This is something that will be very difficult to keep as secret about from the aparents point of view. It will come out one day.

How awful for this poor child, what a terrible thing to have to live with through no fault of her own.

As Donna said - I am sure that excuses are being made as we speak about how Cindy must have been ill or things were not correct with her or whatever - excuses, excuses...

Adoption is a very difficult, on the edge situation for bmothers, they have to juggle being strictly logical and maternal
at the same time, their brain and the world telling them theyre doing the best thing for their baby and they are being selfish if they do not and their heart and soul working in the opposite direction.

This is a time to take stock and really learn what it all means.
In the face of the fact that a young woman was driven to take her own life, that her children's lives are ruined or tainted in some manner - including the child who is adopted.

The best interests of all the triad are tied closely together and all have to be cared for equally because there would be no adoption without all 3, the future depends on it - especially for children like Malia whose long term future is uncertain due to what she will discover.

What a sad, sorry mess.

R

[3girls1boy]

When you go to the Burns website the two links that pop up to buy the book are amazon and tapestry if you get on these sites their are contacts to email them and let them know why you think they should discontinue sales of this book. Someone who really knew Cindy should lead some sort of campaign with the publisher to get this book pulled.

[stacyone]

If you'd like to contribute to a college fund for Cindy Jordan's oldest son (starting college in July), please PM me for details.

[NCMom]

I have heard that the 20/20 episode is to be aired on April 30th. Was anyone succesful in reaching them regarding Cindys story??

[Scarlet]

I thought the April 30th episode was goiong to be following a Potiential Birth mom though her experience. We have been talking about it on another thread. We were all looking forward to seeing it from that view point. Are we wrong?

[Lis6191]

I just stumbled across this thread and wanted to resurrect it. It is the first I have read about this and just could not believe it.

Someday Malia will search and she will be one that must grieve her loss AGAIN as an adult. We grieve as adoptees, the known loss, the rejection, the abandonment . . . so many of us need to find our birthparents as adults to make peace with ourselves, our emotions. Malia will not have that. She will be one of the adoptees that must grieve again, knowing she will NEVER know her birthmom. How awful.

I have a wonderful family -- absolutely wonderful -- big Italian family, spoiled rotten. But I always knew something was missing. I needed my birthmom to make me whole. And I am so fortunate now to have her in my life. I cannot imagine the pain of those that search and find their bfamily dead -- and in this case to know that her aparents caused this to happen. There are few things that can't be forgiven . . . this would be one thing I probably wouldn't be able to forgive.