[amyjane]

My dh and I are just geting started in the adoption proceess. We contacted an agency in our home state to get our homestudy started. They emailed me back just days after my inquiry to ask if we would be interested in 2 special needs children for an open adoption plan. We said yes, and they asked us to meet the children. My dh and I met with the adoption worker at a residential treatment center and there was also antoher hopeful adoptive couple there to meet the same children.

We did not get any time to interact with the children, as the other couple monopolized the visitation time. It was very clear that this other couple felt they were entitled to these children because they said they had already waited three years. The adoption worker did nothing to intervene in the situation to allow us to interact with the children. So we just basically watched the other couple feed the baby and interact with the 2 year old.

We want whatever is best for these children, and understand that that may not be us. What we need advice on is this:

Is it standard operating procedure to recruit a-parents without so much as an application to this agency? I have the feeling that they just asked us to meet these children because they need to have more than one option for the birth mother to make her choice. The adoption worker has asked us to meet with the birth-mom, case worker, and her on Thursday, Feb 6. She called my dh this evening to tell us about a special trianing on Saturday( an additional $400, not included with the home study fees) and casually mentioned that the other couple had 2 strong advantages, they were already home-study ready and she has known them for 3 years. After hearing this, I feel that her mind is probably already made up and she will probably encourage the birth-mom to choose this other couple. I am thinking of bowing out of this altogether. This whole experience has soured me on the idea of using this agency. I feel we have been mislead and used. I could be wrong. I don't know. If anyone can tell me if this kind of recruitment is ligitimate, I would appreciate it. I

[kdenman]

Originally Posted by amyjane

My dh and I are just geting started in the adoption proceess. We contacted an agency in our home state to get our homestudy started. They emailed me back just days after my inquiry to ask if we would be interested in 2 special needs children for an open adoption plan. We said yes, and they asked us to meet the children. My dh and I met with the adoption worker at a residential treatment center and there was also antoher hopeful adoptive couple there to meet the same children.

We did not get any time to interact with the children, as the other couple monopolized the visitation time. It was very clear that this other couple felt they were entitled to these children because they said they had already waited three years. The adoption worker did nothing to intervene in the situation to allow us to interact with the children. So we just basically watched the other couple feed the baby and interact with the 2 year old.

We want whatever is best for these children, and understand that that may not be us. What we need advice on is this:

Is it standard operating procedure to recruit a-parents without so much as an application to this agency? I have the feeling that they just asked us to meet these children because they need to have more than one option for the birth mother to make her choice. The adoption worker has asked us to meet with the birth-mom, case worker, and her on Thursday, Feb 6. She called my dh this evening to tell us about a special trianing on Saturday( an additional $400, not included with the home study fees) and casually mentioned that the other couple had 2 strong advantages, they were already home-study ready and she has known them for 3 years. After hearing this, I feel that her mind is probably already made up and she will probably encourage the birth-mom to choose this other couple. I am thinking of bowing out of this altogether. This whole experience has soured me on the idea of using this agency. I feel we have been mislead and used. I could be wrong. I don't know. If anyone can tell me if this kind of recruitment is ligitimate, I would appreciate it. I

You have this pegged right. How could they possibly present you to the bio mom if they don't even have your criminal background and FBI clearance done?? This was unethical and I would recommend not working with this agency. This is not how it works. You never meet the kids with another prospective family! I would also report this agency to to licensing division in your state.

[kellyengel]

As I read your post red flags popped up all over the place. It is strange for an agency to speak with you about a possible placement without so much as an application. It's a huge undertaking to adopt one child in the best of circumstances let alone two with special needs. If I were you I would keep looking...you will find the right agency one that will offer support, education, and encouragement during this process. Good Luck and Best Wishes!!

Kelly

[mysolosusan]

Hello -
Our family has adopted five times, once from an agency in Hawaii, once from Holt, and three times from an agency in Florida. At no time were there extra fees or surprises. Each adoption cost was around $5000-$7000. But the last adoption was 16 years ago. At about that time, the new culture of opportunism entered the adoption picture. Now, there are many agencies charging outrageous fees of up to $20,000-$30,000 even for domestic adoptions. If you go through state agencies things seem much better. Overseas adoptions, often touted as 'better' in terms of clarity of espenses, are not. There are good agencies out there, with clear terms and fees, but you have to interview carefully, and if possible, show all correspondence to an attorney. It would be worth the money. Report any and all infractions, surprises and problems to the state you are in. There is a growing body of people doing this, and the states are beginning to be much more concerned about 'adoption as a racket.'
I know this is very general, but please feel free to contact me. Yours, Susan Solomon