[j.elizabeth36]

Hi, first time poster here! We have been working to adopt a 10 year old boy from foster care outside of our county but in our state for several months now. We met him at an adoption recruitment event and had a chance to talk to him. After that, we committed to wanting to adopt this boy. The county agency he's with invited us to another event in which we would get to spend a couple of hours with him one on one. All of this is happening before we've even been matched with him, and I'm worried we'll go through all of this and not be matched! Does this seem odd, or am I just worrying?

[lovemy6]

I've found the best thing is to plan for the best and prepare for the worse. In the world of fc/adoption, ANYTHING is possible.

In MY experience, I didn't get the first child whom we were going to adopt, but the journey in fc led us to the children who ARE ours forever. And thank goodness, bc I have the kids who are perfect for our crazy family!

[MilehighDad]

Probably the one rule of dealing with social services in general is to expect the unexpected. No, you normally wouldn't meet a child this way prior to being matched with them. But, I'm sure his worker knows he will be there regardless of whether you go or not, so why not send you and give you a chance to spend time with him? Well, there are some reasons why not, but there are reason for it, too. I would definitely say you should go, this may be your son and you don't want to miss seeing him. But, remember that he's not your son yet, so you have to respect that and respect his feelings.

And yes, I've been through a situation like this. We met a teenage girl we tried to adopt at an event like that. Our daughter got to be friends with her and they spent a lot of time together and at our house before she matched with someone else. I'm still heartbroken, but she is a sweetheart and was matched with a good family. And, we still get to see her, which is good.

Is it odd? Well, yes, the whole situation is odd. Having a ten-year old walk in your door and become your son is odd, so there's no other way to do it. But, it's awesome too.

I hope your heart isn't broken. Remember that he does need a family and just knowing that someone wants him will help him right now. He'll figure that out when you spend time with him, you can't and won't need to tell him. Do the best you can, and accept what you can't control. Good luck!!!

[j.elizabeth36]

Thanks for the honest advice! It's been easy for us to just assume that everything will work out and he'll be matched with us, so now I'm aware that it's possible it won't happen. We'll still go to the game b/c we cannot wait to get to know him better, but I'll try remember that the state system doesn't always work the way you want it to...