[trixiebell]

We are matched a pair of brothers 12 and 13, both with CF, no psych dx. I have the therapist and guidance counsellor and doctor phone numbers for both boys...wanted to see if anyone had ideas for what I should ask! Already spoke to FM and got her thoughts on any behavioral issues the boys have (which pretty well encompass normal tween/teen stuff)....


We already started pre placement visits so I am not looking for information to guide a decision, more information to guide us as we transition...

Thanks!

[kretzklan]

Do they show and understand emotions? Like when something sad happens, do they react appropriately? If not, what is their reaction? Are there specific triggers before anger or rage or even intense sadness?
What is there though process about a parent? What does that mean to them?
Are they structured learners or more free spirited style? What type of authority seems to work for them? Which teachers do they respond really well to and in which subjects? (all these things can help you with some rule set up and enforcement in your home as well as finding common ground)
Good luck!

[trixiebell]

Thankyou, they are really great ideas...

[joskids]

I've found that children see thru other children better than we adults do. If the boys have appropriate peer relationships, I think that tells you an awful lot.

Best wishes on your adoption. I give applause to anyone who adopts these older children who so deserve more than they have been given in their lives thus far.

[In_limbo_for_now]

We are matched and have been visiting with an AA sib-ship 7 yr old girl and a 6 yr old boy. They will move in in a few weeks, or that is the plan. I am CC hubby is AI. The visits have gone ok, but the girl staated before she met us that she did not want a white family. In one visit she seemed very concerned with appearances. DH and I are both overweight. She did not seem to mind my size but did not want people to know that he was with us. In private she stated that his weight bothers her. This is not just a quick diet to fix the problem knid of thing. It was a big blow to him, he comes across as self-assured but is very aware of the way he looks. The boy has his own alphabet soup of troubles but is really happy with the match and is really happy to have a dad and mom.
They are in therapy and will be on-going I am not sure if I should point out that looks don't matter or if I should leave it to the experts. Any stories or suggestions would be a help..

JR

[joskids]

I'm CC with 4 black children. My DH is black and both of our families are racially mixed. I would think it might be more important that you live in a diverse area and have a diverse group of friends.

We belong to a group of interracial families. You might want to see if there's such a group in your area. It could help the children with their adjustment. Kids have idealized visions of what their parents should look like (or what their bio parents might have looked like). The reality is that we are all pretty normal -- well, aside from Madonna -- as adoptive parents. I hope that as your new daughter gets to know you both better, she will come to the conclusion, on her own, that looks are less important than commitment. You and your husband need to be a strong support to each other and not waiver in your strengths as you present them to your new children. They will test you. Stand tall.

Best wishes.

[In_limbo_for_now]

We have 5-7 adopted families in our church only one CC the rest are biracial the children range from almost 2 to 20. All of the families have been very helpful and supportive. One of my close friends adopted a set of bi-racial twins at age 6, 7 years ago from FC. We support eachother. I asked her how her girls adjusted (one has respect issues with AD now) she was reaassuring and said if the behavior is disrespectful address it, she also said to give Little J time to get to know us. Her girls were here quite a bit last summer and want to be around their new "cousins". Other then family most of our supprot comes from AA friends, but by the second visit we had not had the chance to introduce Little J and Little J to anyone. They are in therapy and will continue till they no longer need it. We also live in SE Michigan where the AA population is well represented.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[joskids]

I'm from SE Michigan also and so are a few others in this thread. (We currently live in Columbus, OH).