[GoddessDanu]

Great article. I just wanted to share:
15 Questions for an Older Child Adoption | Adoption Support at Forever Parents

Here are the questions:
1. What is the number of placements child has had; how long they lasted, why they disrupted. (Usually folks are uneasy to disclose the ‘why’….but I’d really try to find out!)

2. Permission (and I’ve done this w/o permission too) to contact past foster parents. (This info can prove to be INVALUABLE…and most foster parents will gladly provide info as to the ‘why’)

3. “Why” didn’t past foster parents adopt this child?

4. At what age was the child ‘removed from the biological home’..what type of pre-natal care (especially drug use, etc), what’s the situation with any siblings (adoption, prenatal drug use, residential care, etc.?)

5. What kind of medication is the child on NOW….and what types has the child been on previously? (Also, what types of diagnoses has this child been given in the past, by what type of professional (psychiatrist, psychologist, or your ‘mental health counselor’ who suspects something?)

6. What prompted termination? Did either parent voluntarily surrender and ‘why’? Try to get the psychologicals on the birthparents. (In some places, this is a ‘no-no’…but we’ve been given these before w/o asking. Many psychological traits have a genetic pre-disposition.)

7. Where are the biologicals now? Are there relatives in the area near you, and any chance they’ll be a problem?

8. What kinds of hospitalization (especially ER) has this child had? tests, etc. If so, you’d like the paperwork!

9. What’s this child been told about adoption? Does this child lament for his/her biological family?

10. What type of relationship did this child have with birthparents? ie, was this child forced into being the ‘parent’ because parents were unable to be just that? Did this child have to take care of younger, older sibs?

11. How does this child perceive him/herself? Is she self-centered? Does she share well? (And I don’t care how old the child is….this may still be a problem.)

12. Has or has this child EVER had a diagnoses of RAD (reactive attachmentdisorder)…or ANY type of attachment disorder? How has ‘the system’ helped this child deal with this? (Holdings, play therapy, etc.)

13. How long has this child been in therapy, and what types have been used?

14. Does this child act out sexually? If not now, EVER? And IF ever, how and how long since the last time?

15. And…one of the most IMPORTANT questions we think you should ask YOURSELF: “If this child were to get NO better after being in our home, could we handle his/herbehaviors ‘just as they are, NOW’……as if there would be NO improvement, etc. I think this is important, as classes continually say that ‘this child just needs some loveand attention and permanancy, and you’ll see how much improvement this child will make!!!” This DOESN’T ALWAYS happen, and is a point to consider when taking on special needs children.

[Sdirector]

I read this a while back, and have hesitated in replying...

I can see where it is important to be aware of issues that a child might have, and it is important to treat these issues correctly, and be prepared.

However, with that said, it just seems like some people are not looking to help a child, but it is more like they are shopping for a used car! They look at "ads" and they pick out something that they like. Then, they check the title to make sure that it is clear, and then check the maintenence records. If everything looks good, then they will make the deal and buy!

Just seems a bit odd to me...

[lucyjoy]

It is important to ask these questions to be prepared for what a child may need. If a child is setting fires or having sex with other children, a potential adoptive parent needs to know this to determine types of needed therapy and safety issues.

If a child has specific learning disabilities, the parents need to consult with the schools for appropriate placement and services. I live in a small town and while schools are required to comply with services for disabled children, they don't have the resources or understanding to deal with my sons issues. They require education and outside intervention.

Also, if one has other children, they have to determine if a child is safe to live with other children.

Like it or not, these are issues. And many of us did not set out to adopt with the thought of helping a child but rather the thought of building a family. That means understanding and meeting our kids needs.

I think these are excellent questions to ask when persuing adoption. These children have history we missed-good and bad and adoption doesn't make that go away.

[kretzklan]

These are great questions and you hope that you can get even half of this info - it's pretty impossible in intl older child adoption. We didn't look through pictures and pick one out - but we also stated what we felt we could handle and assumed that the system would work within that. Not so much...so, getting this information up front could have allowed us to be prepared for what we are dealing with now.
That last question is one I ask myself even now - 3 years + in...that's a hard one to answer.