[bluewildindigo]

I've seen other posts where members go through online profiles and point out the between-the-lines stuff that an adoption novice such as myself might miss. I'm currently taking MAPP classes with the possiblilty of adopting out of foster care on my mind. I was thinking of a boy 5-7 years old, but browsing the photolistings (dangerous!) I came across this kiddo. I expect any child adopted out of foster care to have behavioral and attachment issues. My best friend's son has hearing loss, and I do have some resources for that need. I do have pets, so violence towards pets is an absolute no for me. I am a single woman, so I don't have the immediate support a married person might have. On the other hand, there's no one to be pitted against! Anyway, I would love to hear your input on his profile.

A couple other requests: Can someone tell me on more concrete terms what safety and boundary issues means? Also, they mention that K had expressed a desire to have a dad. Should I take this at face value and not pursue him at all? On the one hand, I've got to think that even a single-parent family is better than staying in foster care. On the other, I feel that the child's wishes should be respected as much as possible.

Thanks!

K (10/99) K is a delightful boy with a sweet disposition who soaks up adult attention, especially when it’s one-on-one. Bright, beautiful eyes light up his face, which is also enhanced by his endearing and frequent propensity to smile. Usually agreeable and respectful, K has a warm, playful sense of humor that is often directed at trying to make others laugh. K has a great love of the outdoors. In the recent past, he was an enthusiastic Cub Scout who enjoyed the wide-variety of activities Scouting provided. K also has fun swimming at the YMCA and loves backyard sports. K loves highly visual activities especially video games, television and watching movies. He also enjoys drawing, modeling clay, and playing with family pets. Legally free, K came into foster care in January 2006.

K has blossomed since his first foster parent (a translator for the deaf) recognized that his seemingly oppositional and defiant behavior was due to a bilateral hearing loss, not capriciousness. Once equipped with hearing aids, K became attentive and was able to follow directions, and his speech improved greatly. Upon meeting K you might notice him intently looking at you, which helps him to read lips.

Now in a regular, second-grade classroom, K is doing average work academically. His teachers all enjoy having him as a student. There are extra supports in place at school to address his hearing loss and provide speech/language and occupational services.

K came into foster care in January 2006 due to allegations of neglect and physical abuse amidst severe domestic violence exacerbated by parental substance abuse.

K has been seeing a therapist for the past year or so. The focus is on helping him talk about his feelings of grief, loss, and abandonment and day-to-day issues, being truthful (he tends to lie about insignificant things), and strengthening his boundaries. A supervision plan also helps him with safety and boundary issues.

When K gets excited, he can get noisy and will talk excessively to get more attention. While he can get overly stimulated and may lose his focus in a busy environment, there are also times when he ‘spaces out’ and spend minutes just staring blankly, content to be in his own world. K is most responsive when those who are talking to him use direct eye contact. The most effective consequences for him are losing privileges.

His worker is looking for active, nurturing adoptive parent(s) who will claim him as their own right. It will be important for him to have parent(s) who have a good grasp of how early neglect can impact on a child’s sense of well-being, safety, and development. It will be important, too, for them to be diligent in following his developmental progress and make sure he has the supports he needs to continue to grow and flourish.

K states he would love to move to a more urban area and see new sights, like parades, museums and zoos. His daydream is to move to New York where he and his family can stay active seeing all the city has to offer. K also reports he would love to have a dad who he can joke around and rough house with and a mom who would take him along on outings and errands. K will be counting on his adoptive folk(s) to honor his relationships with his grandmother and brother. K is so eager to have a family to call his own!

[lucyjoy]

If a child has expressed wanting a father, a single mom may not be likely to be considered.

Structure and boundaries can be a lot of things. Either the child is impulsive and gets hurt easily or the child sexually acts out, or the child is dangerous to others. I did not see anything in this profile to indicate anything beyond impulsiveness but you will need to question the reasoning for the boundaries to be sure.

Structure can be detail of everything you do and 24/7 monitoring to simply a need for a daily routine to stay on track.

Things that can help you answer these questions would be knowing how many moves the child had made and why. What does the child do when told no? The profile talked about his interaction with adults. Does he get along with other kids? How are his social skills?

I did not see any red flags in the info listed but no real information either.

[bluewildindigo]

Thank you!

[MilehighDad]

It sounds like he is a pretty normal kid with a very troubled background. As a result, he will have struggles and certainly some behavior issues. Sounds like his behavior is pretty well in control now, but you should figure that he may struggle more with it in the future, particularly when he begins to feel safe.

I didn't see any "between the lines" type things, and I'm not sure how much they would matter, anyway. I also wouldn't be too dismayed by his comments about a mom and a dad, you may very well still be his best match. There are other indications in the profile that they are looking for no other kids in the family, and often a mom and dad come with other kids, too.

Mostly, I think you should use the profile to see if this sounds like he could be your son. Good luck!

[bluewildindigo]

Thank you for your input MilehighDad. I'm trying to go into this with both my heart and my eyes open. It's not easy! My instincts are telling me to at least request more info about K.