[maderosa]

Hi--I'm new here. We are about to adopt a 4.5yo girl into our family. We already have two boys, aged 7.5 and nearly 11, by birth. It is an international adoption, but we are currently living in the country where the child is, and have been for 4 years. We will return to Canada later this year after the adoption is over.

Due to HUGE uncertainties in the process, we have not discussed the adoption with the other children, but now it seems virtually sure that it will go ahead. We may have our little girl with us anytime between two weeks and two months from now. So, this weekend we will be telling the boys the news.

My husband and I have spent hours, weeks, months...thinking about and preparing for this adoption, going over all the possibilities, mulling over the challenges, questioning whether it's right. We are going in with our eyes open, and after a lot of reflection. And having done all that preparation, we are very happy and excited that it is finally going to happen--because for a long time it seemed that it wasn't going to!

But now that we're down to the crunch, and especially now that it's time to tell our other kids, I am SOOOO anxious. I would really appreciate any advice, experiences, or ideas from people who have experienced similar situations.

Thank you in advance!

[maderosa]

Well, we did tell them, and it was very interesting and on the whole positive. I'm still curious about other people's experiences in this regard, but I guess it's not a popular topic! I'm wondering if that means people with both bio and adoped kids are a very small minority???

[mom2more_pls]

Maderosa,

I am surprised right along with you that more responses weren't posted!

We discussed it with our 2 children during the homestudy process. When we first homestudied they were only 4 and 6 so the information shared was very limited.

Now that they are 11 and 9 and we are expecting to be placed with their 2 new sisters they are aware of most updates in the process. Again, just the major things that they will understand and that cannot change easily. We do foster care so they understand that sometimes things change, but our girls are not coming from our foster home.

Our whole family is preparing for our new girls, right now just mentally but...we are expecting! Congratulations!!

[anglmin]

with our first adoption the process began in early 2003 and ended over a year later (int'l). From almost the beginning we discussed it with our other children, who were small children (all age 5 and under). For them talking about our soon-to-be daughter was as natural as talking about any family member. Se was accepted as family from the first and they couldn't wait to finally meet their new big sister. It wasn't an easy transistion process once she joined the family, but that's how things roll with adoption.

This time is different. The little girl who may be joining our family is already a friend of one of our daughters, has visited our home a few times, and it won't be until we are named in her mother's will or something that we will know anything...and it may be soon after that that we will tell the kids. The girl is going to be staying with us for a few months as it is, very very very soon (a little over a week from now), and we haven't told the girls yet because we didn't know till yesterday when it would be. now we are frantically preparing the house for her stay. and the stay may last from these few months to possibly permantly if things go wrong in the operating room or soon thereafter. but I think tonight I will talk to the girls about her stay.

[kretzklan]

I didn't see this - there are too many 'older child' forums...I can't keep up with all of them. I am glad your kids took it well. We involved our son (age 8 at the beginning) from day one and I'm glad we did...it has set his life on it's ear. Our two adopted kiddos have AD and it changes the life dynamic so much - our now almost 13 year old has dealt with very adult situations in these last few years. I think the thing we didn't talk about enough to prepare him was the 'what ifs' (which for us are now a reality). It may not be like getting a new sister by birth - there could be issues and we simply were not going into it wanting to admit that...it sounds like you and your husband are very open to that fact - I suggest you tell your children a bit about what you've learned that can happen. They need to know what's worth 'telling you about' and what's not. In the beginning, everything will be worth telling you about. I hope your experience is a great one and that your sons end up with a wonderful, loving relationship with their new sister! Just have a plan for if that comes with major bumps in the road. If I don't find you again - please feel free to PM any time!

[jp4ga]

We involved our son from the start. He was 9 when we started the process and 12 when finally received his sister. He was excited.

In the most of the states you have to discuss this with your older children, because part of the homestudy done by the SW is a private interview with the child. I did not want to blind side my son, so we included him early in our decision. When he was interviewed by the SW she could not believe his thoughtful positive answers. During finalization the judge was also impressed with his answers.