[kareysparks]

Hi,
This is my first post. I have been reading the forum for a couple of weeks now.

My husband and I went to our Inquiry Meeting last night to start the process of adopting an older child. We are hoping to get a boy between the ages of 6-12. We already have a 10 year old daughter that was adopted as an infant. This is something that we both want to do, but the more I read this forum about all of the problems, the more scared I get.

I know these kids have "baggage", and know that it will take some time to bond as a family, but are there any good stories out there?

Thanks
Karey

[kretzklan]

Sure there are! People going though stressful times are much more likely to post here than those "livin' the dream". This is support forum and that is what most come here for. It is great that you are open to learning all the things that could happen and do happen to many older adopted kids. Be ready to parent him in the way that is neccessary...if you start attachment parenting in the beginning, many issues can be lessened. Hey, my kiddos are AD and we still have MANY good days, many good times. They are physically healthy and one day, they will be mentally healthy. I believe that. It's not an easy road - but it's one we are walking together.
On a side note - be sure that your case worker knows that your number one concern is your older DD. They need to place a child in your home who is safe around her. Keep an eye on her emotions as things progress. My oldest DS has paid a price in all this...

[crick]

I think I have a "success" story if that's what you are looking for? Our kids were 2-5 so on the younger side which I do believe makes a difference in many ways. It does depend though on the background they have, no matter the age.

I think the main thing to remember is that even with challenges, if you are honest with yourself about what kind of challenges you will/will not be able to handle, it makes a difference. Going into it with the acceptance that there will be some adjustments to go through and some challenges to face makes it "easier" too. (rather than the "we covered all our bases and everything will be perfect" train of thought)

I think I would adopt a child younger than your dd, just my opinion on that.

My kids are 8-11 now and while there are still some small "holdovers" from their early years that can come up here and there, and my oldest boy is going through some things a bit more as he gets older, I don't feel it's so different than any other family. We participate in sports, school activities, family things etc. and nothing we deal with prevents us from doing these things.

Talk to people through your agency too...most should have families they have worked with prior that will be open to sharing their experiences with you.