[melissa_bear003]

My children at home are 10, 3.5, and 2. Dh and I are planning to adopt via CPS, and are looking at preschool age, roughly...as young as 2.5, as old as 5 as a reasonable age range. Part of it is that due to an injury, an infant would be very difficult for me to manage 1 armed. The other consideration is, we are homeschoolers, and figure that it would be one less transition if the child had not yet begun school.

I'm wondering what experience or advice you can give...we've been talking and wondering if it wouldn't be better to wait until our 2 yo is 3, or even 4, so that she can better understand some of the behaviours that may occur when a child is welcomed into our home and making that transition. I'm thinking at her age now, the potential temper tantrums, etc would scare the crud out of her, but in a year or so, she would understand an age appropriate explaination (basing this on what my 3.5 yo is able to understand)

Anyone?

[kretzklan]

I have always thought that keeping birth order (or adoption order) in tact in the way to go. I would make the new child the youngest - so whatever that means for your timing (maybe waiting?). But, I do want to say that it may not be easier on your little one in a year or two. It has been really hard on my then 9, now 12 year old. It's hard to understand some of the kids needs as an adult - for kids it can be even tougher! Good luck!

[joskids]

Honestly, I think with a 2 year old and a 3.5 year old, in addition to your other child, taking a 5 year old that has experienced neglect, disruption and grief, would really be pushing the limits of even the most experienced foster/adoptive parent. But you know your family better than anyone. I've had a 5 year old that did really well here (her birthday was the day before our 5 year old, so it was like raising twins for a while). But her one year old brother was very, very difficult. He couldn't understand what was happening, he was angry, he was sad, he took it out on us, he didn't want to bond, it was a tough year.

[melissa_bear003]

Thanks for the responses!

The balancing of needs is definately part of the consideration and planning and thinking and research.