[JAlanB]

My wife has a shower idea that I would like to share and get some feedback on.

My wife would like to have a shower for the kids (11 and 12 years old) we will be adopting, rather than for us. We have a baby on the way and know we will be having a shower before the baby arrives, so we don't want to focus on us twice in such a short period of time.

The shower would take place before the kids begin living with us. (the kids would not attend the shower, but the gifts would be for them.) Everyone who comes would bring a shirt to the shower. At the shower the shirt would be wrapped and each person can place a note with the shirt, and possibly a picture of them holding the shirt.

Then once the kids are with us we can give them the presents from all of our friends.

For anyone who has adopted older children, what do you think of this idea?

[kretzklan]

First I thought you were talking about a shower to cleanse yourself and I was very confused. OK, I'm on track now! (where has my mind gone?)

Anyway, my friends threw me a shower for our older children (ages 6 and 7 at adoption)...we registered just like having a baby at stores for the things we needed. Some was clothes, but more things like books, games, even room decor. My friends LOVED attending and throwing the shower and I put all the pictures in my kids life books.

So, think about what you really need for the kids and go that route. I've also heard of people basically having a celebration when the kids get home (older kids) and if people want to bring gifts - have a gift card party. That way the kids can choose their own things - at those ages that might be important to them.

[Mkuhlmann06]

I think having a party/shower is great. My only concern is that it could be overwhelming for the kids to receive all this stuff as soon as they arrive. Also, they may feel like they get showered like this all the time. The "bigger" party that was celebrated was the finalization, not the moving in. It may be easier to have a gift card themed shower. This way once they arrive you get can "need" items vs "desired".

Im not trying to convince you not to do a shower before their arrival, but I strongly recommend keeping family/friend identification and gifts to a minimum. You guys need to spend a good period of time becoming a family and a lot of family bonding time.

I adopted an 11 yr old boy that spent 8 yrs in foster care. Im glad we limited things the first several months. His finalization was the big to do.

BTW, CONGRATS!!! Good luck!

[Howdy]

Shirts? Boy, I'd think it would depend on the personalities of the children. My daughter (11 yrs old) doesn't like any clothes I pick out for her, apparently simply because mom thinks something is cute that makes it horrible. But maybe strangers picking out their clothes would be less repugnant. Or maybe these children will be the grateful sort.

On the other hand, my daughter keeps borrowing my clothes and doesn't ever give them back (until totally worn out). Perhaps the shower should be to give you guys clothes that your kids will like to 'borrow'.

[JAlanB]

Originally Posted by Mkuhlmann06

My only concern is that it could be overwhelming for the kids to receive all this stuff as soon as they arrive.

I share this concern and was hoping to hear some feedback. I realize that the kids need to bond with us, and adding in a bunch of our friends that they don't know so quickly may be a bit overwhelming for them.

[Mkuhlmann06]

When we received our first foster placement, b/c he was our first child ever and due to the fact we had a wide age range, open to M/F...we didn't have a lot of toys. Each day I would go to the store and pick up a few things... instead of giving it to him to open and create this excitement, entitlement, and overwhelming feeling, I opened up the item, and put it in the "toy box" in his room. This way, when he foudn it and he would say I didn't see this before, I'd just comment that he must not have noticed it b/c he was playing with something else.

This worked really well.

At the ages you will be recieving, they will really be into gameboys, computer games etc. We limited all that stuff (and still do 9 months later). Although most kids that age have this stuff, and play it in the car, at events, in stores, etc... we don't have our son -- as we want to engage him more and work on doing activities together.

Also, for things that I wanted to give them as gifts and it wasn't Christmas or birthday, I tried to use as rewards... to reward for positive/good behaviors. Even after being with us for 5 months, we didn't go overboard for Christmas.

Now, we do let the grandparents go a little more crazy...but they've been pretty good about not going overboard either.

Good luck and keep us posted on your placement!!