[kx2ax3]

Hi! I have a 7 y/o son from a previous relationship that DH has raised since he was 1. We together have a 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 y/o. DS1 has every other weekend visits w/ his bio dad. Short intro to our family. We are interested in adoption via foster/adopt or straight adoption if available. We are looking at children that are DS1's age or younger, kind of filling in the age gap. Since DS2 and DD were born, DS1 has started feeling a little left out since he is the only one around his age. The babies have each other to play with and DH and I have each other and DS1 feels just "there". So, we spoke with a case worker of a nearby county who has a sibling group of 3 (boy 8, boy 6, and girl 4) but has said that the girl is probably going to her bio-dad. Is this a good or bad idea? DS1 told our case worker that he'd love to have a brother a year older or his age. Then he added a sister would be ok too. Hope this makes sense....

[joskids]

I think if you're looking for a playmate for your son, an 8 year old and 4 year old that have been in the foster care system and not experienced the kind of stability your family has given to your other 3 children, this could be more difficult than you imagine it could. These two children could require much of your attention, taking away what you can now give to your older son and certainly from the time and attention your younger children need. I say this from experience, not because I think that every older child adoption is a bad idea. Have you considered mentoring a child about your son's age? I mentor an 11 year old girl whose own family is a bit unstable and she has provided much joy to me and to our children when she is here with them.

[kx2ax3]

It would be an 8 and 6 y.o brother group with the sister being 4, but returning to her bio-dad. They have not been in the system, according to the CW. We are not just looking for a playmate, we want to expand our family for us as well and feel an older child or two would be a better fit at this time. We do not have any type of "mentor" program in our town at this time.

[mrsred]

I think your son would still be "odd man out" if you were to adopt a pair of brothers. the two boys will be bonded to each other but not your son. Likely with what they have gone through that bond will have a "you and me against the world" effect.
I am not saying adopting from the foster system is a terrible idea, just that if it were me I would look for a single male child, a couple years younger than your son. Our first adoption was a boy three years younger than our bio son. They formed an instant bond. Bio ds wanted a little brother to look after, adopted ds needed a mentor. they wre far enough apart to assume those roles, close enough to play together.

[mamalove23]

My Husband and I are Foster to Adopt parents. Our son came to us through adoption, and though he is only 2 now he does go through the feelings of loss when a child leaves our home...I believe this to be a life lesson that too many children never learn-How to love someone completely and give to them and then understand that they must leave.

We are currently looking into the poss. adoption of twin 2 year olds...I believe that adding the children to your home would be a wonderful idea as long as you are very open to yourself and understand that children being raised that way that some children coming into care have been have many more issues.

I am sorry this is so long but I love to foster system...or at least parts of it.

When would the children move in?

[kx2ax3]

Originally Posted by mrsred

I think your son would still be "odd man out" if you were to adopt a pair of brothers. the two boys will be bonded to each other but not your son. Likely with what they have gone through that bond will have a "you and me against the world" effect.
I am not saying adopting from the foster system is a terrible idea, just that if it were me I would look for a single male child, a couple years younger than your son. Our first adoption was a boy three years younger than our bio son. They formed an instant bond. Bio ds wanted a little brother to look after, adopted ds needed a mentor. they wre far enough apart to assume those roles, close enough to play together.

Thank you SO much for pointing this out. I didn't even consider this point. Ugh! Even after all of my research and experience, I still feel as though I don't have any idea of what we are doing.

Originally we wanted (and stil do) to adopt 2 children. One DS1's age (and a girl, as he gets along great with girls) and then a boy a couple years younger. The pursuit, or interest I guess, of the boys came about after inquiring about a 7 y/o girl that wasn't a good fit, but we have these... sort of thing.

[kx2ax3]

Originally Posted by mamalove23

My Husband and I are Foster to Adopt parents. Our son came to us through adoption, and though he is only 2 now he does go through the feelings of loss when a child leaves our home...I believe this to be a life lesson that too many children never learn-How to love someone completely and give to them and then understand that they must leave.

We are currently looking into the poss. adoption of twin 2 year olds...I believe that adding the children to your home would be a wonderful idea as long as you are very open to yourself and understand that children being raised that way that some children coming into care have been have many more issues.

I am sorry this is so long but I love to foster system...or at least parts of it.

When would the children move in?

Don't be sorry, the more info the better. We were told they weren't even in the "system" for her to recruit for them, but she knew the rights were terminating soon. She told DH to talk with me and DS about it, and she would contact us in a couple of weeks. She also had mentioned a 6 y/o girl (totally seperate) and now that mrsred brought up the good point of siblings being bonded already and DS being possibly left out, DH and I really need to talk about this.

You ladies are a wealth of information and I knew I had to tap into this before we agreed to anything.