[Danaw/6]

We have 4 great girls and are in the process of adopting 2 teenage boys. We have certainly had our challenges with them but love them more than you could imagine. Would love to hear from someone who has blended bio kids with foster / adopted kids of the opposite sex. We have learned so much and don't want to throw in the towel but are concerned with a bio and soon-to-be-adopted child getting too close. They are both 16!! What were we thinking? We have been upfront with SRS, our social workers, our therapist, case managers, EVERYONE. But we are still concerned and don't want to be looking over our shoulders til they leave, and don't want to live with motion sensors, alarms, and cameras. (but we are)

What would you do?

Help

[mrsred]

wow, that is tough since they are older and at the height of being aware of opposite sex and stuff. Our bio son and adopted daughter are only 5 months apart, but they are younger. They are both 11 now, and were 9 1/2 and 10 when she moved in with us (she is the younger). sometimes I get a bit nervous, but they really do consider each other brother and sister. She laughs about the fact that when she first met us she didn't know she would become a part of our family and her first thought was "Gee, he is cute, maybe he can be my boyfriend." Now she thinks eewwwww! because he is her brother!

[Danaw/6]

Yeah, it's been pretty tricky. We have only had the boys for 1 year, and they are a hispanic which sets them apart from the rest of the family. Our daughter and the stb adopted son seem to be really good friends but I am so afraid it could go much further and I don't want to adopt or even do the name change thing if anything ever happened. They can't even live in the same house if they want to do something because that would cause lots more problems for my husband and I. Whew!! I just don't know what to do anymore because we have reestablished the rules many times -no contacting eachother by any means at any time- this is the one they break and then blow it off like it's not a big deal.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Linny]

I've not been in your shoes regarding having bio and adopted kids. We did have adopted babies and older kids.........don't even want to go there with that one.
But, if this is a case where boundaries are consistently being broken; and if truly, you're now living with monitors and such.......I'd really be reconsidering the adoption part of this at this time.

It's the part where the boundaries are being broken; and while you've not stated specifically what kind of boundaries, I'm suspecting they're in an intimate way.

If so, this would be a huge concern for me----NOT simply because of them being close in age, but wondering what kind of 'speak' one is doing to the other so the other 'goes along with it'? There are a lot of times kids of the same age are thrown together for awhile, but that doesn't mean they're intimate with each other---even if there IS attraction.

To me, that goes beyond the same age, attraction thing.....it speaks more of the 'sexual grooming and molestation'.....IF these are the kinds of boundaries you're referring to. If not, accept my apologies, please.

Sincerely,

Linny