[Mongoose]

Hello everyone,

I am wondering if people who adopt older children, domestic or internationally, usually change their names? I knew one adoptee who was adopted at 8 years old and had her name changed. Everyone else I know seems to change the names but they're adopting infants so the child wouldn't know about it.

What do y'all think? Would you change an older child's name?

[cvalda]

I have and I haven't... it has depended on the child. My oldest son was 7 and I didn't think it would benefit him to change his name, so I didn't even bring it up with him. Another son was also seven, and I gave him a new middle name (he helped me choose it), then when the adoption was complete, he decided no one could call him by his old first name; we all needed to use his new middle name, and it's stuck to this day. Two of my girls were around 4/5 when I adopted them... I changed the spelling of one of their names (and totally changed her middle name), but she hadn't learned to spell it yet anyway, so she didn't know. The other, I really changed her full name but picked a name that could have the nickname that she always went by, and she was cool with that... so what we called her didn't change, even tho she had a full name change!

For older kids, if they seemed like they might be receptive to a name change, I'd discuss it with them and if they were cool with it, I'd choose a new name with them. If it seemed like it would cause a big identity crisis or something, I wouldn't even bring it up!

;~) Kelly

[mrsred]

We have adopted two older children, a 6 year old boyand a 10 year old girl (not bio sibs). With our son we didn't even consider changing his first or middle names. They fit him so well, and we really like his names. We did discuss changing our daughters first name. In the end it was her decision, and she chose to keep her birth name, which is fine. It would have been hard to start calling her a different name anyway.

[bange]

We changed the names of our two Russian children adopted at ages 3 & 4 . We kept their first names as their middle names. They weren't even called by their Russian names though - they were called by their Russian nicknames. Example, Alexander was called
"Vova". We kept his name but it was NEW to him because he wasn't called Alex or Alexander. We made the switch by calling them by both their names at first (their new name followed by the nickname they were used to). They got used to hearing it and it became easy to drop the 2nd name - their Russian nickname.

Our domestic adoptions were older, twins ages 7 and brother 8. We told them we wanted to give them a name because they were now our children and asked them if they were ok with this. They wanted to change their names. We told them we wanted to keep their birth name as their middle name. The oldest didn't want to keep any of his birth names but we kept his first birth name for his middle name anyway.

The switch was more difficult but we told their teachers who told the class. We told our other children. It was hardest for the other sibs to remember... but because the boys WANTED their names changed, they would complain when someone would forget and come tell me. I told them simply to correct them, telling them that was not their name anymore. Once they realized it was their job to keep every one straight... they made sure they were called their new names.

I know another family who adopted a Russian child at age 6. They called him his Russian name until he was 13 when he asked to be called by his new American middle name. They started calling him his new name at age 13.

My children really are proud of their new names. They saw it as a form of permanancy for them. They had been in a couple of different foster homes, they knew they were finally HOME when we "named" them.

It's not for every family though and it's not for every child. Do what's right for your family.

[Mongoose]

Thanks for the input. I'd like to name a child at some point and not just puppies, but since I will probably be adopting from Ecuador, their original names will probably work just fine anyway. So I guess it will be up to my kids whether I name them, they name themselves, or they keep the names their parents gave them.

[cvalda]

I wouldn't totally let a kid "name themselves". When we were picking one son's middle name, he really was rooting for "Sonic"! LOL! And one of my daughters, who was four at the time, wanted to be called Rainbow Star. Which IS cute but... just didn't think she'd appreciate it as much when she was 14! LOL!

;~) Kelly

[Mongoose]

Sonic and Rainbow Star? Very sixties! LOL

Personally I've changed names a few times in life and I'll keep doing it until I'm 100% satisfied with my name, notwithstanding who doesn't approve, so it would be hypocritical of me to tell my daughters they can't go by Rainbow Star or New Moon or Audrey. Let's just hope their parents give them names I like, and then the topic won't come up.

It's lucky I found Ecuador in my research, as the names there will work just as well here. I was initially looking at Mongolia and I just don't see a Mongolian name blending in smoothly in my community.

[carolynm]

We are just starting this process, and were talking about this last night. We are thinking about adopting a 3-4 year old. We currently have a 3 year old bio son - our son KNOWS his name and is VERY proud of it, so we think that a child aged 3-4 would probably know their name and have a hard time responding to a new one.....however, the comments posted here today are making me rethink this......I would really like to name another child - maybe I might be able to?

Carolyn

[mrsred]

Carolynm... funny, when ddwas going to change her name she was going to change it to Carolynne, and go by Carly.. we even started calling her that at home for a weekend! Then she decided she didn't want to change her name. I think it really is a personal decision, and not one that can be made before you get to know your child.

[pnewcombe]

My experience is probably unique, but I adopted four teenagers and their names were changed from their Russian names to an American name with their Russian name kept as their middle name. They seem to be fine with the change. They still use their Russian names when talking to each other in Russian and their American names when talking in English. Denis' name in Russian was pronounced like the female name Denise in English so going by Daniel in English works for him. Alexei became Anthony and Boris became Brian and Slava became Steven. The names were picked by them when I first met them in the orphanage when I was asking the translator what their full names were and this got interpreted as what names did they want in America. They seemed to enjoy picking a new name so I went with it and it has not been a big deal since. I think that the American names help them fit in a little bit better at school. Just one family's experience, your mileage may vary.

Pete, pop to four great kids.

[JamieBGardner]

My first adoption through foster care will be complete April 10th of this year. In our daughters case we did change her name, but for very personal reasons. As an adult adoptee who desperately searched for my Bio-parents it meant the world to me to know they named me. It said so much, like I was loved enough to have a name. Not just some baby that was wisked away and never thought of again. A name means so much, in a way it really binds you to a family. So we gave my daughter the name I had chosen as a child, and had given to every red headed, green eyed doll I had. It just so happens that my daughter has red hair and green eyes. Sort of like it was all meant to be. It was my way of telling her that she was the little girl I has always dreamed of.
Now I have another adoption in the works, and we are changing the name in this case as well. However we have one little one in our home now, that if we had the opportunity to adopt we would not be changing her name. I believe this is mostly due to the fact that we believe her name fits, we love saying it so. Plus we have gotten to know the Mother and I feel a bond and obligation to her as well. It is all something very personal and you should not feel badly if you decide to do so. As an Adoptee I consider it a wonderful gift and I am sure your child would feel the same.
Jamie

[Mongoose]

Jamie, thanks for sharing. I actually have the opposite attitude to my name. I have three siblings and all their names are either in the 40 most common names in the years they were born, or they're family names. And me, for some reason, I have names that were completely unpopular, and still are, and none are family names, except "Marie" which all of us have... So I've always felt that nobody gave a ... about naming me, compared to the others. LOL

Pete - I know I'm repeating myself but your family sounds awesome. Thanks for sharing. I wish I had a similar path!

[JewelMarie]

With my first daughter, I added a middle name. With my second daughter I will gave her a middle name but I am thinking of adding a letter to her first name for better prounciation. It is a name that is spelled in a way and can be pronounced 3 or 4 different ways. So I am thinking if I add a vowel between the two constances, then it will minimize the confusion. Well I still have to ask her permission. My first child was almost 10 when I got her and my second will be 8 when I get her. In both cases, I think it is important to speak with the child first when they are older.

[joskids]

I think it should be up to an older child but, if changed, you should keep at least a part of their birth name. If it's a big change, let the child help you choose a new middle name and use that name as the primary. Or if changing 1st name, make it very similar. For example Janell to Janae, Mylina to Mya, LaShaundra to Cassandra, at least sounding very similar. I think it would be harder for me to feel like a child was part of this family if their name was very distinguishable from the other family members. May sound unimportant to some but to me, naming a child also gives a sense of "entitlement" to parenting that child. Just my thoughts.

[skyeanjel]

The 12 yr old I want to adopt has same name as my bio daughter so that will be a challenge!! I will talk with her about changing her name but if it is not what she wants I will have 2 daughters with the same name!