[dpen6]

Originally Posted by Suebie

I think the last comment was enjoyable and cute. I just have to disagree with the sentiment that if you give a child a name that you want....then it means you're not doing it for the kids. Implying that it's selfish to name an older child does put a bad spin on it but let me put another spin on it.
First, these children come out of bad situations in which they will forever associate their given name. Our daughter associates her birth name with being bad. She will refer to her old name like an alter ego. She really enjoyed having the fresh start and building new memories on a new name.
Second, if you are going to let the kids name themselves, you have to keep in mind that kids are fickle. Think about what you would have changed your name to when you were 7 or 8. This thought should make you giggle. I think I would have grown up with a stripper's name if I had gotten to choose. Plus, I would have changed my mind weekly.
And last, we name our babies to fit with our family and family culture. When we name, we imagine all the things this child will become with this name. We want to do the same for our adopted children. We want to give them a name that helps them fit in to the new family and will garner the life we imagine for them.
In this way, it IS about the children. We don't name our new children simply because we didn't have enough dogs to use up all our favorite names. We do it for the children.
We let our daughter pick her middle name. We suggested her birth mom or grandma's names. In the end, she stuck with the one she was given. She also had the choice of what to be called. But we decided what would be on the birth certificate. Just like with our birth children.

I have been reading this thread with interst and am very appreciative of the folks that DO think of how the chidren will feel. These children have come to you because of bad situations. these children needed families. It IS about the children and not the need for parents to name them. No matter how the family culture is, no matter how important it is for the adults to want to name a child...the child may hate their bioname or not...or it may be the only thing that they could have called their very own for all the upheavel they have endured. THAT is what needs to be respected. If in fact they rreally do hate their name then change it to something that you both can agree on and call it a new beginning. If it is something that gives them some security to keep then don't touch it.

My parents adopted 4 children. My older brother(abrother) was 4, the social worker told them to keep his name..they did...changed his middle name. I was 2 1/2, they kept my name also, changed the middle name. They cahnged both middle names to their names...thus "making them their own". I am very appreciative that they kept my name..I was being called that name and didn't know anything else. Its all I had coming from 6 placements. The younger 2 were adopted as infants. They named them whatever they wanted. I am immensly grateful that my mom understood and respected my needs in nameing and not her own. She understood I was a real person that had already lived a life beyond her and respected that. She understood that even though I was to become her daughter it didn't mean that she "possessed" me and attempt to change me based upon her needs. She understood that she did not give birth to me and it terms of nameing she kept what I had learned to idenify myself as. In spite of the fact that she kept my name I did become very much a member of the whole family..she didnt need to change my name to do that.

We are more then puppies.

[Perfect7]

We are in the process of adopting an 8 yr old boy. His middle name is the same as DH, which is wonderful! His first name is cute as well, but I'm a bit worried about what his name means to him as he is a "jr". I guess we will discuss with him whether or not is in an issue, and if not we will leave his name as it is. If it bothers him, we will probably change it. He wont be a "jr" after his last name changes anyway.

[cvalda]

My 9-yr old foster son told me recently that if we do get to adopt him, he'd like to change his first name to Michael and keep his middle name. We hadn't talked about names at all, so it was a surprise to me, but I'm totally cool with his choice!

[Bamamom07]

My 2 fs both like their names, including their last names. I think the fact that the siblings all had the same last name through years of separate foster placements was a big deal to them. We've talked about adoption, and that they get our last name. They both stated they wanted to keep their last names, I told them they can and we'll just add our name on to their names. They seemed ok with that. Teenage fd wants to change her first name, and didn't express an objection to adding our last name to hers. Little fd (very opinionated) seemed satisfied at just adding our last name. I have read a couple posts on here about adopted kids keeping birth last name, and adding adoptive last name to it, but seems to be extremely unusual. I would prefer to drop their last name myself, but it seems important to the boys right now, and I think I have to respect that.

[dmg53]

I'm sure that there are lots of opinions about this subject. We adopted 2 boys and both boys still have their original given 1st name. Our oldest has his given middle name and our last name. The youngest has his original 1st name but he had a double middle name and his last name could be used as a middle name so we just used his given 1st name and used his original last name as his middle name and our name as his last name. Personally I think for the unity of the family they should have your last name. It gives the children a real sense of belonging. Personally I think it adds more stability to your relationship. In the end you need to be comfortable with the decision. If they want when they become adults they can always change their name again. But if they are proud to be part of your family I think the name you give them will stick.
dmg53