[lynnrose]

You are the Adopted Mom or Dad to this child......

You have adopted a cute little five and a half year old son who has had a kayotic life with BMom he was removed and lived with a foster family for two and a half years till you adopted him.....

Things are going well when you begin to notice


The child has nightmares often each time he tells you they were about sharks chasing him

What would you be thinking ?


You get a call from the art teacher at school that your son has drawn a picture of a shark with red daggers coming out of it's eyes..

What do you tell the Art teacher when she asks why?

He tears the head and arms off of all action figures and throws them away and plays with the what is left the torso and legs...

Would you agree with the therapist who says it is anger?

He never swims in lakes and always asks if sharks can live in lakes never swims near the bottom of the pool..

Now your child is ten years old and you are planning a family fishing trip. Your son tells you he does not want to go. As you continue the conversation he tells you he will never go fishing agian. When you ask why he tells you about a town in florida he went to with his foster Mom to vist his best friend who lived next store till they move away they were fishing about forty feet from shore off a pontoon boat the water wasn't very deep there so they let the boys swim. They were standing in the water next to each other when a shark grabbed his friend and took him under. He told me that when they found him he had no head or arms he described his friend and told me his name he told me he was four years old when happened his friend was older than him.
Your son is now telling you this on the floor curled up in a fetas position from under a blanket

Would you belive this story ?

You know that you don't want to belive it but the need to know puts you on the internet...........
You know the name of the town the year and the childs name and after much searching you find it and you realize that this child was there but you wonder why no one ever told you not the caseworker or the foster family.

You do call the caseworker. because you still exchanged christmas cards and you tell her the story and you ask if the foster family ever took him out of state on vacation.

The caseworker asked if he had any mental disorders or did he see it on tv. How would you answer her ?

She does call you back a month later and tells you she has no record of them taking him out of the state......

What are you thinking now ?

You begin to realize that your son is always picked on at school is not because the kids are bullies...Because your son insults them and calls them names so they won't be his friends and when you ask why he says
" I don't want friends.... friends die i won't let anyone hurt me agian "

What would you say ?

Now you want to run to the nearest Psycologist or psychiartis that you know but you have done that for years and it is a waste of time he will not talk to them.

Now you find out the reason why... this child has been threatened by the foster family not to ever talk about it or they will find him and kill him....

Why do you think they threaten him ?

Now you know this child has no closure in this tragic event he has carried it inside for six years. He now asked you to take him back to where it happened would you ?

How would you help him put closure to this tragic event in his life?

Do you think taking him back there would add more Trauma ?

I know your thinking this story can't be real but it is !
I know he needs closure i am just not sure how to go about it and suggestions would be appreciated
Lynnrose

[Linny]

Wow! If he is wanting to go back to the area again...I'd do it. And, I'd be more inclined to believe everything he's told me, rather than not. It's pretty detailed, and even if it would be something he saw on TV or such, it is still vivid enough to him, that he needs to deal with it in whatever fashion is feels would help.

Not sure why a fp would tell him 'not to talk about it'....but at four years old, kids can interpret stuff in different ways than adults really mean it to be. Still, this is how HE interpreted it, so this is what's valid for him, KWIM?

You may be the only 'safe' people he feels he can discuss this with---it would seem so, as he's actually told you how he feels and what he believes happened with him (and the friend).

To me, it wouldn't matter if this actually happened to him, or whether it was seen on TV or heard by someone else, etc. The fact remains, it had a very BIG impact on your child. You may be the only advocate he has in this; so you may very well be the only one who can help him. Do it. Help him deal with it---whatever he's comfortable with in 'dealing with it'......do it.

Sincerely,

Linny

[joskids]

I'd find a HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THERAPIST who understands adoption issues and how trauma (post traumatic stress disorder???) affects children. And while you're waiting for that appointment to happen, I would DEMAND the facts from someone who knows what happened. If it happened the way you/he are saying, someone needs to be held accountable for keeping it a secret and for threatening a child for telling the truth. If the foster family did something they should not, they should have to fess up. And they should have to face this child and tell him that they were wrong, that they can do him no harm. Sounds like there's a lot the social workers overlooked while he was in foster care. Are any of us who know the system surprised?????????? Heck no!!! But now it's about your son. Plain and simple. At least he's getting some of this out now. I agree that he trusts you. That's a good start.

[Howdy]

I would let him read (or read to him) the information from the internet, take him there if he wants, maybe visit the other child's grave if possible. My daughter was abused and she likes me to tell her about other children who were abused. She loved the David Peltzer books, her daily bedtime story is a book written by a social worker who worked with emergency children services responding to child abuse situations. I resisted for a while but she appears to need to hear the stories of what happened to others.

[lynnrose]

That is what we did, he wanted to read it as soon as he found out we found the story, he said he needed to read it to understand. He told me today that he wanted to write a letter put sand in the bottom of the bottle with a cork, I asked him why he wanted to put sand it the bottle, he told me he wanted it to go to the bottom of the ocean because that is where part of his body is. He went on to tell me he wanted to paint a cross for his grave because that is where the other part of him is. It is an instant sadness that comes into his eyes when he talks about this child. He can't remember those good memories he had with this child, he can only remember those events of that day and the last few seconds of this child life. Maybe taking him there will give him the chance to say goodbye, to finally let his friend go, to finally get closure and with time be able to close this chapter in his life.
Lynnrose

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by lynnrose

You are the Adopted Mom or Dad to this child......a shark grabbed his friend and took him under.
Would you belive this story ?

I worked in a residential treatment center. I noticed a scar on the leg of one of the girls and I asked her what happened. She said her mother took her to the zoo and dropped her in the pen with the alligators. I knew her birthmother had serious mental health issues but I was 100% positive that T was making up this story. I didn't say anything to her to dismiss her story as a fib. Later when I was reading her file in depth, I found out her mother really DID do it. Sometimes it's hard to believe what children have to live through at the hands of those who are supposed to be protecting them.

[kimmom]

Wow...well obviously you wont be able to find a group of people who have witnessed shark attacks, but maybe finding an online group for kids who have experienced losses would help. For my own grief it helped to chat online with others who had experienced a similar loss. I agree with the others, the the foster parents have to be held accountable.

[lynnrose]

I agree with all of you the foster parents should be held accountable for what they have done. But i have no proof he was there, i sent for a copy of the accident report thinking that maybe the foster parents name would be on it as witnesses, but they were not. I have talked to the officer that was on scene, it was six years ago he could not be sure. The agency has no record of them taking him there, i even considered contacting the mother of this child, she still lives there, but i had to remember they were friends that is why they went down there. As much as i would love to make these monsters accountable for the many abusive things they did to my son i simply have no proof. It is the word of a child agianst a foster family that is well known and in good standing with this agency. Right now my focus is on getting closure for my son, it will be an emotional journey for him. It will take time for him to come to terms with this nightmare, but i am confident he will, if then he wants us to make these people accountable i would pursue it further.