[GeeGeeTaylor]

Ok because of a post just this morning, I figured I would bring it to open discussion..

From what I see and know Open adoption is a completely different animal when it refers to "infant adoptions.

But talking about the foster/adoption. What are the variables that the case workers are offering, asking for etc in these situations.

What I have seen, as variables.

1. Access to family history info,
2. contact with family members,
3. contact with siblings,
4. visits with siblings

So please share what you know of as variables and possibilities that you have seen or exsperienced yourself.

I would hate to think I offered an opinion on this, and hadn't been completely informed. So please share all you can.

Thank You *hugs*

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

In my experience...I have adopted 2 children from foster care (both infants)...open adoption thru foster care is offered to parents when they realize they are NOT going to be able to comply with the case plan but still want some contact with their child in the future. In the case of our oldest son both parents were brought to TPR and now have no contact and no open agreement...I don't even know where to find them as they live on the streets and are often in and out of jail.

In the case of our youngest son, his b-mom knew at 14 (also in foster care) that she was not ready to parent and wanted to place him in an adoptive home. It was important to her that she have an open adoption. (although I think this was more to appease her own mother who will still not allow her to come back home since she will not be returning with the baby) Regardless, she signed the open adoption agreement at the same time she signed the relinquishment papers.

With our oldest son the CW drew up a generic open adoption agreement (running the terms by us first and foremost) and took it to every court date up until TPR. This way she had it on hand to be able to say the state would like to offer b-mom the following agreement if she would like to relinquish and not continue to drag the case out. In this case she dropped out of the picture when he was 3 months old and it was more of a formality.

Adoption thru foster care is sticky. Like everything, there are positive and negative. We have our second visit tomorrow and I have to say, I am not looking forward to it. I do not like the way the b-family smothers him and says over and over "you remember me, you know who I am". I do not like the way they act as though our other children do not exist. In almost 2 years they still have not taken the time to learn my s-daughter's names. It is unsulting to us as parents and will one day be felt by Bear. He LOVES his sisters and the reality is that they mean more to him at this point that they do. It is just tough. I like having the family history readily accessable, and knowing that Bear may one day appreciate that we tried to maintain a healthy relationship for him. BUT, I also don't want him to resent us because we are "making" him continue a relationship with them. I mean, sometimes I don't want to be reminded of who some of MY family is...and they are a bit more mainstream. (for lack of better words)

Sigh...some days I like it...others I don't. Maybe because I am worked up about tomorrow!

[jigger]

There are generally two options in the case of foster adopt:

1.) The bio-parent relinquishes rights to the child - In this case there is generally more leeway about how "open" the adoption can be. In these cases, often there is mediation to determine what both sides are willing to agree to. Options here include
• one-way contact via mail - aParents open a PO box for bios to send things to. Aparents decide whether or not to share those things with child or save them for later
• two-way mail contact - Aparents agree to send picture & updates on a certain schedule and generally will receive mail as well.
• Phone Contact One way - Aparents have phone number for bios and call on a set schedule
• Phone contact two way - Everyone has everyone else's phone number and can call whenever
• In Person contact - can be arranged between parents or by a caseworker on a scheduled basis.
• There can also be any combination of these options and all options can also apply to bio-sibs

2.) Bio-Parent's Rights are terminated by the State - In this case, the bio parents have no rights and the adoption is officially "closed" (at least in Texas). Any openess must be sanctioned and initiated by the adoptive parents.

We adopted an older child and have contact with his bio-siblings but not with either birth parent. BUT, because the bios rights were terminated, we do this willingly and can stop at any time we feel like it, for whatever reason. I tend to like this option because it puts the control with me.

[Lorraine123]

My daughter's birth parent's rights were terminated by the state and it is a totally closed adoption.

[WhoKnew]

We have contact with dd's birth siblings, but not her birth parents. I wish we could, but it would not be wise at this time. I am glad she is able to have her siblings in her life...I think it is such an important bond.

[DCMomLady]

My daughter's birthparents (my niece and her husband) were TPR'd by trial and we were told by the caseworkers and attorneys that our adoption should be closed, but future contacts were left up to us.

We had already formed a friendship with the birthfather's parents and we wanted them to continue to see their granddaughter as often as they wished. Since they don't have any contact with their son, there is no fear that birthfather could try to use that relationship for his own purposes. And my daughter benefits from this relationship in many ways.

After much soul-searching, I chose to encourage contact between my daughter and her birthmother. I actually went to great lengths to include my niece in our family events and activities so my daughter would have a chance to really know the woman who was her first mother. As it turned out, my niece usually had excuses to decline my invitations and we saw very little of her. Eventually, we saw her only on holidays; but the visits were warm and affectionate meetings between "special cousins".

The important thing, I think, is that we love my niece and my daughter knows it's okay for her to love her, too.

My niece is gone now. She'll spend the next two years in a federal prison. I've only told my daughter that J--- moved out of town and we can't call her anymore. Sadly, she's already quit asking about her.

DeeCee