[GeeGeeTaylor]

Has anyone had exsperience with out of state adoptions?

I would think this would cause the "visit" stage to be a bit different, and change some aspect of the process.

I have read where children are the sweetest kids on the face of the earth till they are taken home. I can understand meeting the children at least one visit prior.

But esp in a sibling group situation, I think as important as the "visits" stage is, it can also be decieveing.

So any exsperience? Suggestions?? etc??

Will travel need to be a ton of visits first?

If.... *nerves say if* we are home study approved,
We show interest in a sibling group that is decided we are a good match.

What happens? How many visits? What % should our natural children be included? Will they present us to the children for approval too? Will they just say, come meet them and if the meeting goes well, you can take them home? *doubt it but just thinking*

I don't want to be a "no choice" for the child, I want them to be able to see our information as well.

Is it silly to make up a self profile? Letters, with pictures etc, to share with the professional study when we inquire about any children? I think it's only fair they get to see a personal note and things from as, as much as we get to know about them !!

Thank you for any info shared.. I am a sponge.... I will suck up any advice or information you can offer.

Ideas, suggestions, anything please soak me with your knowledge!!

[mrsred]

wow geegee, just a few questions? okay, lets see how I can do at addressing them:

Originally Posted by GeeGeeTaylor

Has anyone had exsperience with out of state adoptions?:coffee: umm, no. I will let someone that has advise you on that more. but I think I can address some of your other questions anyway.

I would think this would cause the "visit" stage to be a bit different, and change some aspect of the process.

I have read where children are the sweetest kids on the face of the earth till they are taken home. I can understand meeting the children at least one visit prior.

But esp in a sibling group situation, I think as important as the "visits" stage is, it can also be decieveing.

So any exsperience? Suggestions?? etc?? First off, trust your intuition. Yes, kids can put on an act, but you are a mother of four, you know when a child is being real. One thing you really want to watch for is being overly affectionate right off the bat. Kids with RAD are very charming, and will be artificially affectionate. We did a respite weekend for a little girl once that was drawing pictures saying "I love you" two hours after she met us. By the next morning she was calling us Mom and Dad, and talking about what color we should paint "her" room. We never told her this was anything but a respite weekend. A month later we saw her somewhere and she did not remember us at all.

Will travel need to be a ton of visits first? No, not a ton. But do make sure you are completely comfortable before you bring them home to stay.

If.... *nerves say if* no, honey that would be WHEN we are home study approved,
We show interest in a sibling group that is decided we are a good match.

What happens? How many visits? the number of visits depends on the case worker, the children and what you are comfortable. There is no set rule.
What % should our natural children be included? For the first visit you may want it to be just you and dh, but after that your children will need to be a part of the transition. You will want to see how they interact.
Will they present us to the children for approval too? Will they just say, come meet them and if the meeting goes well, you can take them home? *doubt it but just thinking* The children don't usually have a choice. But if they hate you (which they won't) they will be listened to. A lot of times they set the first meeting up so that the child(ren) don't even know they are being looked at as a possible match. That way if it is a no go they won't feel rejected.

I don't want to be a "no choice" for the child, I want them to be able to see our information as well.

Is it silly to make up a self profile? Letters, with pictures etc, to share with the professional study when we inquire about any children? I think it's only fair they get to see a personal note and things from as, as much as we get to know about them !! Once you know that you are moving forward it is a good idea to have a scrapbook put together, showing them extended family, pets, home, etc.

Thank you for any info shared.. I am a sponge.... I will suck up any advice or information you can offer.

Ideas, suggestions, anything please soak me with your knowledge!!

See ya in chat geegee!

[Lorraine123]

My daughter was 6 years old when we first met her. She was in a neighboring state. I will do what I can to answer your questions.

I would think this would cause the "visit" stage to be a bit different

We "visited" our daughter for 2 1/2 months prior to bringing her home. In hindsight, that was too much. Her SW wanted her to finish kindergarten where she was, but she repeated kindergarten anyway, so that was unneccesary. We drove to her and picked her up and she spent the weekends with us in our hotel and then dropped her back off. I would recommend a few visits, but beyond that its overkill.

I have read where children are the sweetest kids on the face of the earth till they are taken home.

You will not get a good feel for the kids true personalities during the visiting period. In the same way, they will not see the true you. There are certain behaviors you can look out for that are indicators of future issues, but it will be difficult to assess. So, yes, it is deceiving.

What % should our natural children be included?

My biological children also went along for the visits. Not the first one, but others.

Will they present us to the children for approval too?

My daughter did not have a say. The SW decided who would be the best family for her and once we said yes, we moved forward.

Will they just say, come meet them and if the meeting goes well, you can take them home?

Basically, thats how it works.

Is it silly to make up a self profile? Letters, with pictures etc, to share with the professional study when we inquire about any children? I think it's only fair they get to see a personal note and things from as, as much as we get to know about them !!

We created a scrapbook with pictures of our home and extended family for her to see. She enjoyed looking through the pictures.

Hope this helped some. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask.

[GeeGeeTaylor]

Awesome thank you soo much.

One of the reasons we are doing this when/how we are is, that well.. we wanted to start it in March, but by showing interest, the organizations that do it, really show excitement. As well as when we started looking at the faces of these little people. We didn't stop them pushing us to go now instead of waiting.

Point is.... We wanted to do it march which can take up to 4 months MAX, usally 6-8 weeks they have told us. We would want to be able to start searching May or June, and have visits going by then and into the summer. So the transition would be Vacation time and no uproot during school time.

Military moves we got lucky they were all during summer vacation, and had time to make friends living around us so not walking into school scared and alone.

Is it strange that my kids made up a name for this future sibling? Is it something I should discourage? I think it's adorable the reasons behind it and why they do it, and I go along with it, but wonder if that's wrong?

The name for our future family member(s)
Mas, My Adopted Sibling(s).

I just hope the excitement remains when the going gets tuff as I am sure it will in the year to come with the transitions

[dawnmei]

GeeGee -

I can give you the summary of my experience if you want to PM me.

dawnmei

[Lorraine123]

I may not understand what you are saying, but are you saying that you are waiting to be matched so that the children move during vacation time? Your agency told you it would take 4 months max to get matched? I'm not sure where your agency is coming up with that information. It took us almost a year to get matched and that was considered pretty quick. Depending on your criteria, it may be longer or shorter. Then the visiting period may be short or it may be long, that isn't up to you, its up the child's CW. You can never predict.

[GeeGeeTaylor]

The process to be "approve" and put out there to start the matching process, can take up to 4 months, clearances, home study, classes etc.

Being that it's older child(ren) we are looking to, we have a journal and keep watch on particular children we already would like the information on, the section of the note book has 2 sibling groups and 7 individual children at this point.

I know that there is chances the CW will not like the match, but in theory, this is what we hope to see evolve.

By march's end have everything in place that we can move forward armed with Home Study approval. Request the information and forward the study to any children that we have been watching over the months and weeks to come.

Hope we are matched up and make our choice, to be able to meet the children by Mays end, From there spend the time into the summer, and hope to have our 6 month evalutated placement time by the time school starts.

They said it's very realistic, but I am coming to learn that these people are full off poopie diapers sometimes.

[queenjane]

Well, i hope it goes smoothly for you. My homestudy process was really fast, took my clases last February, has some issues with my family (my mom was sick)so i didnt contact them until around June to set up the hs visit, was completed in late July. I've been waiting ever since, just about six months now. I had originally hoped to get a match before school started, then thought for sure we'd have one by Christmas. Ha.

My worker just emailed me and told me that i really havent been waiting that long, and that some of her families have been waiting over 2 yrs.

At this point i'm pretty disgusted by the whole process. I wish the general public knew that it isnt so easy to adopt a "waiting" child. It shouldnt take a year or two to get a match. Its just ridiculous. I'm open to a child under 10, any race, many issues....but apparently there arent any kids like that in the entire US who need a home. I've sent, easily, over 60 or 70 inquires on kids. Ive got a staffing meeting for a child in another state in a few days, if i'm not chosen i don't know what i am going to do. I think i'll switch to fostering. I read on the domestic boards here of people being matched with brand new healthy newborns within a year, and i read on the fostering boards people getting brand new babies from the hospital that they eventually get to adopt, but on older kids boards i hear parents talking about the wait the wait the wait. I just don't get it.

(and yes, i know "my child is out there" and i know that "its about finding a family for a child not a child for a family" and that "the wait will be worth it when you finally get your child" but those platitudes don't make the pain of waiting any better, and they certainly don't do a bit to affect the ridiculous beauracacy of the US foster care system.)


Katherine

[DET62]

I am in the process of adopting a 10 year old boy from Kazakhstan. I adopted a 13 year old from Russia in 2004. There are many wonderful waiting children overseas, and the agencies usually cut their fees for older kids.

I looked into domestic adoption when I decided to get a second child, but being single ruled me out in a lot of instances, and I just couldn't bear the thought of a birth family member coming in and taking my child away. I would be devastated. In foreign adoption, once the adoption is done, that's it. There are no Open adoptions. I prefer that, just for peace of mind.

I will spend 2 weeks in Kazakhstan visiting with my son several hours a day so we will both know it's a good fit. If not, I can choose another child.

International adoption is expensive, but I am getting most of the money back in grants and tax credits.

PM me if you'd like more information.

[queenjane]

I would love to adopt from Ethiopia,and its a dream i'll still hold onto for the future, but right now i don't think i'd ever pass the immigration requirements. Don't you have to have a certain income for the US to allow you to bring another person from overseas, to prove that you can support the additional child? I make under $20,000/yr so thats an issue for me. Plus, state children generally come with a monthly subsidy and a medicaid card, which is a consideration for many families.

But Africa is definitely on my list when i'm in a position financially to do it. I've had a "heart" for Ethiopian adoption for the past 8 or 9 yrs, so i hope i can do it one day.


Katherine

[DET62]

I don't think the US has any income requirements. Some countries want to see a certain income, but not all - the social worker doing the homestudy and/or the agency can advise on that.

I don't make a lot of $$ but to my daughter, I was "rich." To someone in Ethiopia, your salary is a fortune.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by DET62

I don't think the US has any income requirements. Some countries want to see a certain income, but not all - the social worker doing the homestudy and/or the agency can advise on that.

I don't make a lot of $$ but to my daughter, I was "rich." To someone in Ethiopia, your salary is a fortune.

My sister had an australian boyfriend she was trying to sponsor to come live here (they broke up so it never went further than info gathering)and she said something like she had to make 16,800/yr in order for him to come over....she had to make a certain percentage above poverty level. I had been going by that number (so holding out hope that i could one day consider international)but then realized her figure was for a family of ONE, and i'm a family of TWO. So i dunno...i'll have to look it up.

katherine

[GeeGeeTaylor]

this is sickening and nauseating that they can false advertise, and you know what, that's exactly what it is.

False advertisement, and a ploy and scam. They suck you in lying about thousands of kids out there is foster care needing to have forever families.

The truth is most of the kids are going to be adopted by the foster families. I have even inquired about some groups, and they are GONE in the matter of days of availability. One sibling group was removed in 3 days, as they have over 100 inquires about them.

They have NO problem finding families, I dont' get it. I mean they are basically giving us free kids, paying us to adopt and care for them. If we do not go through the foster system can take ALOT longer to get a child. *local agency and a few from here have told me this as welll*

So this is cruel, mean and heartless!!
False advertisements, and they are playing with real people, and the future... "children"

This is breaking my heart. But I am a determined..... *cough* and I am not going to give up.

OOO have to change my signature.... LOL
My crim record is cleared, DOH I requested my husbands so it will be mailed, had HE requested it, would of prob came back immediately.....

Says to check back Feb 10th... :P one step closer!