[sarahmeg]

I was getting gun-shy, even though I simply know in my guts that adopting older children is what I'm meant to do. We haven't been parents yet, so I was worried that we wouldn't even be considered for most kids in the foster system, but happy to hear that others were in the same boat and now have great families of their own!
BTW, I was an evil brat to my mother from 15 - 18 and my sisters both struggled with ADD, learning disabilities, low self-esteem, etc., and we were all bio-kids raised by a stable loving family with a stay-at-home mom. So there just ain't no way you can shield yourself from the anxiety and heartache that comes with parenting. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[dimasmom]

My son has all those heavy hitting diagnosis that scare parents away from adopting older children. I almost hate attending his school meeting - because they are so focused on labels and problems. Despite his challenges my son is such an amazing young man.

We adopted him when he was almost 4 from an orphanage in Moscow, Russia. My son's behavior fell apart the 2nd year he was home. He was very violent and what I call ODD to the Nth degree (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). This was later diagnosed as Reactive Attachment Disorder and Bipolar 1 Disorder. He successfully resolved his RAD thanks to Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy and a lot of hard work. His bipolar is very stable this year, although last year was horrible.

My son also has sensory processing disorders, and some learning issues such as a Disorder of Written Expression and problems with working memory and processing speed. School is a challenge for him and he has a 504 plan. But he is a regular ed 8th grader and keeping his head above water. Well, OK barely keeping his head above water - but thats due only a little bit to disability and a lot to normal 14 year old boy lack of effort!!

Despite all these "labels" and challenges my son has accomplished things few adults can brag about. After the attack on the school in Beslan, Russia my son wanted to raise money for the school. He roped in a friend and together they got their principals permission to have a "hat day". They collected over $500 in donations which we forwarded onto Beslan through an Orthodox Church. Now how many 5th graders could do that!!

Then the following year Hurricane Katrina hit. My son again was very concerned about the children devistated by this disaster. I told him about the little MDA carnivals I use to have as a kid. Well my son went on to plan an amazing carnival. Not a little back yard duck pond with used toys - nope. My boy got donations, bought new prizes, set up our church hall full of games and even got a bounce house donated for his event. He did all his own calling, set up meetings with his volunteers. All I did was keep documentation to help him keep it organized. In all he provided an opportunity for 26 kids to volunteer in his carnival, and raised over $300 which he chose to send to the American Red Cross.

Had my son not had an early childhood of abuse and neglect perhaps this sensitive and caring side to him might not have developed so strongly. In 7th grade he was extremely psychiatrically unstable. He was sleeping thru all his morning classes and becoming beligerant in the afternoon classes. Classic bipolar pattern. And yet through all this his teachers told me that he was by far the most moral 7th grade boy in his class!!! That alone speaks volumes to me. He may have almost failed 7th grade - but his morality far surpasses kids much older than him. What more can a mother ask for!!!

[cvalda]

Just wanted to say thank you for all your stories! I've enjoyed reading them, and this gives me a lot more hope in my future adopting!!!

;~) Kelly

[janeb12]

Hi Everyone....

I am new to this website and very interested. My husband and I are thinking about adopting an older child. Right now we have a 20 month old daughter who is the love of our life. We both feel that we would love to give a child a great home and love that might not have it right now. Are only concern is how it would affect our bio child because she would be the youngest and now have a sibling instantly.

I would love to hear some thoughts and opionins from everyone else who has gone through the same thing.

Thank you

[akcskye]

Jane, a lot of that will have to deal with what situation(s) the child has come from before coming to your home.

There are some that are excellent with children, and others who you should not let your children be around...sad as that is to say.

A rule of thumb a lot of people go by when adopting is to not adopt a child older than your oldest bio child.

Whether that works successfully or not, I do not know, but we had no children, then adopted a brother and sister.

I don't know if that is a preferential choice (no older than bio) or if that's a mandatory rule by the state or agency.

[All-3-Boys]

Hi Everyone,
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences; it is truly a pleasure hearing the positive. Our 14 year old was placed with us yesterday; we have an 11year old Bio and 15 year old Bio so he is in the middle. I look forward to coming back to this thread in the future to post our positive experiences. I have known him since he was a baby and the Bmom since middle school. She left with him approximately 8 years ago and he has been in the system for 3 yrs. We found out about him 13 weeks ago and it has been a whirl wind, between MAPP classes and paperwork. But most of all we where right in the middle of home renovations, half our ceiling missing (done now) wires hanging in the middle of the living room (that’s finished but we only have partial power to the house), No floors (done now) No water or sinks in kitchen (done now), we are still waiting on the doors and drawers to the kitchen cabinets. We have been planning on having a 3rd child, birth and adoption being options. When we found out he was in the foster system we started MAPP class that week and by fate the adoption specialist was there. We spoke with her that morning about what was going on and she informed us that we qualify for a non-relative placement and has been helping us ever since. The home study for this is relatively lax and we had accomplished a lot with the house by then. We do have quite a bit of catching up on MAPP home work, but we will get it done. He has to live with us for 90 days before we can adopt. Due to the fact that we have not had contact for approximately 8 years I don’t feel that I know this child very well, my biggest concern is not that we can’t cope with what he deals out but how he will adjust to us. At this age all humans are very set in there ways and I don’t want to do anything that will make him uncomfortable. I look forward to any insight, Thanks and I am very excited to have found what seems like an awesome place for support. A

[allanacw]

All3Boys, placed with you yesterday....congratulations! What an incredibly busy time for you!

Our daughter, now 7, was placed with us when she was four. She was out first child and we now have an 8 month old bio son. In a lot of ways that was really important...we had nothing to compare to so when the going was tough, we didn't really know how tough it was. Looking back now we get it, though!

She's an incredible child, larger than life. She loves to sing and dance and perform and lights up the stage. She's loud, uninhibited and has the best smile ever. She puts me through my paces each and every day but we were certainly made for each other. After all, how often do you find a kid that likes to watch Pride and Prejudice as much as I do?

Such great stories on this thread!