[BrandyHagz]

I love the idea of this forum. While I do think attachment and special needs are more of an issue in older child adoption, I don’t think that we should only have an older child adoption under ‘special needs’ because there is more than special needs when it comes to older child adoption.

Anyway, John and I have been talking for years about adopting – we got our license in Illinois to pursue foster care – but then moved the next day. While we both feel confident in our abilities to parent a child, neither of us is overjoyed at the prospects of sleepless nights, dirty diapers and nursery furniture. We discussed this at length and decided that if we were to move forward and actually adopt – we’d adopt a child (or sib group) ages 5-12 preferably male with no medical special needs.

We are very excited about the prospects of getting our foster license here in Arizona (where we live now) and moving forward. We’ve adopted the mindset that we’ll foster in our age group and if something comes up, we’ll go from there.

Are there other hopeful adoptive parents on the forums that prefer to adopt older children over infants?

[DianeScraps]

Our girls were 4 & 7 when they moved in

We prefered old for several reasons

--- hubby needs verbal communication
--- I don't have 'baby disease' (that is what my mom calls it when you see/hold a baby and "have' to have one)
--- I didn't like the idea of any secrecy behind the kids being adopted, and adopting older they knew who they were and where they came from

[dadfor2]

we did not want an infant, we also wanted 'older children'

we figured that most aparents wanted infants, but there were so many other children that needed homes, and for us that made more sence.

[alimom]

I adopted a 14yo girl from foster care. When her brother turned 18, he joined us, too. I wasn't allowed to adopt him, as he was 'unadoptable.' ugh
Then, an 18yo mildly autistic son of an aquaintance joined us when his family stopped providing him with basic necessities.
Working with these troubled teens was the hardest work I've ever done, but I'm looking forward to, hopefully, adopting a sibling group soon.
All of mine are out of the house now except my 15yo boy. He says being an only child for a change was great, but he's bored doing things with just me.

[Jo~Kiwi~]

*see post further down* ..My desktop died,and my laptop likes to send whether the post is finished or not....

[Jo~Kiwi~]

did I mention yet that the laptop is not my friend...

See "take 3" ......


Lights....Camera.....and hopefully action...lol

[Jo~Kiwi~]

The little guy that we're in the process of adopting is now 5 1/2. I love the baby stage, and everything about it, but when I found out about this little boy, I just knew he was meant for us. He was abandoned at a police dept in India on the 9th April 2004, and they decided he was nearly 3, so gave him the birthday 16th April, and just decided he'd be turning 3. We know next to nothing about this child ..(and to be brutally honest, he looks like he's more 7-8yrs old), but hes ours ...
All we've seen is his photo and his medical ..and we are just counting down the days until we have guardianship and he's here with us.

This little guys morale is so low... At the ripe old age of four, he was able to telll our agency rep that the "Mommys only come for the babies" ...

Ok, I feel like I've written this half a dozen times now.... Its official..this laptop hates me..lol.

I've kept a diary for our little boy.... Just pm or email me if you want the addy..

I'd love to stay in touch...

Jo

[Bogota Girl]

We adopted a 12 year old girl from Colombia in October of 2003.

I'm all for the older child adoption and love to talk it up.

Robin

[rach679]

Hi all, we currently have an 11 yr old in a pre-adoptive placement thru DHHS. After receiving all the information in the trainings and talking to every foster/adoptive parent that we could, we chose to set our sights on an older child. It is unbelievable how well he has fit with our family. No regrets at all. Eventually we will begin the search for another child bring into our family.

I would like to note that the process was probably the most frustrating thing that I have ever had to participate in. I hope that as time goes by my attitude gets a little more positive as right now I am not a very good spokesperson for the foster/adopt system in our state.

Rachel

[patientlywaiting]

How was the initial placement for you and the children? Were they depressed, detached, etc.

We have decided that we wanted to adopt under 1 years old. I work with a psychiatrist and he mentioned to me that one of his clients is a single immigrant mom with 6 kids and she has started expressing to him that she is thinking of placing her kids up for adoption. He said to her to let him know if she does decide on this. I know this totally may not happen at all and that the bmom has decisions on how many or all of her children, whether she wants them to stay together, etc.

We are just starting the thinking process, in if this does come to fruition, is it something we want or not. The youngest is 2. I think this is a great age for a child, but we are concerned about the affect that this would have on that child and whether or not we are equipped to take on that challenge (or opportunity).

Any feedback on how the experience was for you on adopting an older child, especially if he/she came directly from the home and didn't go into foster care.

Thanks

[mrsred]

My husband and I decided we wanted to adopt an older child way back in 99, when our bio son was only 3. Because we wanted to keep birth order we waited. When he was 8 we began the process. While we were getting licensed and making our intent known to our friends and families we had so many people counsel us to adopt a toddler or younger. We remained firm. We wanted children at least preschool age. Period. We were matched with a 5 year old boy in September 04. He moved in Nov 04 and we finalized his adoption Nov 05. We were matched with our daughter last Febuary. Our bio son turned 10 in Feb, she turned 10 in july and our little guy turned 7 in Sept. Yes, older children come with issues. They rarely end up in foster care after having ideal beginnings. Yes, between the two of them I spend at least 3 hours a week taking someone to therapy or participating in family therapy. Yes, it is hard. But would I change anything? No. Never. I think we are done now, our family is complete..... but if there comes a time when we feel we have room in our home and hearts... no babies here. Give us the child that really needs us.

[Lorraine123]

I too did not feel a pull to do the baby thing. I have two biological sons who were teenagers when we decided to add to our family and we thought an older child would fit in best. Our daughter was 6 when she moved in and she has been with us for 3+ years now. Just remember, as stated below, older children come with issues.

[Star_Gazer]

Yes, I prefer to adopt older children.
Like some other posters stated, I figure that most aparents want babies and that many older children really need homes! And I actually preferred to adopt an older child for many reasons as I’m also really not into diapers, potty training etc…
Of course with older children come a whole other set of issues, but still it was right for me.
I have adopted 3 older sons – placed at ages 9, 11, and 12 and I have a presentation next month for a 9 year old boy. With 4 sons I think that will complete my family… at least for a while anyway.

[Batty1]

This has been mentioned, but you really have to remember that the issues with an older child will be sooooooo much harder than diapers and late night feedings. You may have to deal with constant defiance, destructiveness, ADHD, OD, RAD, sexual acting out...all kinds of really, really challenging stuff! But if you are ready to take that on and really prepare yourself as much as possible, than go for it!

[Michele81]

I've been kind-of floundering on this site - trying valiantly to find the right spot for ME - AND HERE IT IS!! My husband & I just signed of on our completed homestudy in PA & are eagerly and apprehensively awaiting a potential match of an older child/sib group aged 2-15! Don't think we can get much more flexible! Never felt the birthmom need & at 46 only realized the "child-sized hole" in my life last year!
How long has it taken some of you to get matched? We're doing everything I know to do to help facilitate the process - finding match parties, calling different agencies, writing to individual counties, but any other helpful advise is appreciated!