[karla-k]

We have a referral from a central asian country and look to be bringing the baby home in the next 2 months or so.

I also learned today that a relative who lost her children to CPS, regained them, and then abandoned them again is most likely going to have her right terminated in the next two months. We had expressed interest in adopting these babies when they were taken into CPS care. The judge has given her 2 months to fulfill all the parts of her plan. The babies (19 months and 7 months) are currently in foster care with their grandmother, their 4th home in 7 months

The ages of all 3 kids is: 19 months, 7 months, and 7 months! We currently have a 9 yr old, 4 yr old, and 24 month old bio kids.

Is this nuts to even think about??? What aspects of adopting from foster care do I need to consider, what aspects of our international adoption do I need to consider?

We are definitely committed to bringing our son home from overseas, that is a no brainer. But I wonder if we are supposed to look into adopting these other babies too.

[momraine]

The timing may be an issue and also you will have to see if the social workers have issues wtih you haveing the kids so close togehter and if they beleive you have room enough for six kids and time enough for four in diapers!

[karla-k]

we have enough space, and I agree on the timing issue.

karla

[momraine]

How long will you be in country or do you have to travel? That could make it difficult! The bonding will be fun with four babies, but if you are committed (hmm or should be? JK) I think you can do it. YOu will need your dh to be really supportive and you will need to be at home with these kids and probably need a little help from a relative or good friend for the initial adjustment. A lot is going to depend on if any of the little ones have any attachment issues.

[karla-k]

We do have to travel one more time, the trip is about 2 weeks in length. I am not anticipating that we'll actually get custody of the other children until after we have our son home. We have to get a home study (or update ours) and I am not sure how long after TPR we would be able to go to court, etc. with the girls.

I am a stay at home mom, but you are right I might need help for a bit...this is a lot to think about.

thanks for your input!

karla

[mommy2fiveplus]

You should know that if you plan on adopting your relatives you should get your foot in the door now, the sooner the better, for them and for your chances of adopting them. The CW'sd are gonna ask why you didn't step up when they first came into care and why you did not take them as a relative placement when they were initially in custody. Is the grandma not interested in adopting them? She would be the logical choice as she has already developed a bond as thier caregiver. Foster adoption, particularly in the case of relatives is not easy and has far different pitfalls than international adoptions. The kids come with a different set of problems. I am not trying to discourage you just setting out the facts as I see them. I always encourage families to get involved when relatives go into care as I feel that bio-connection is important to maintain if at all possible. However, I also strongly feel that interested bio family needs to step up at the very begining of a case.

[sak9645]

Do be aware that some foreign countries will not place with large families. As an example, both Korea and China have family size requirements; with China, they are occasionally waived for people adopting children with significant special needs. Therefore, if there's any chance that a foreign born child will come home AFTER you take custody of your family members' children, be very sure that the foreign country is OK with the idea.

Remember that, even if you haven't finalized, you will need an updated homestudy if the children come to live with you before your Asian child comes home. This updated homestudy will need to address things like your financial resources, medical insurance, ability to pay for educational and other support if the children need special arrangements, home size, and so on. The USCIS may also need to be sure that you meet the income requirements needed to be approved to immigrate an adopted child from overseas, which are based on family size.

And do consider whether you can meet the possible needs of both an internationally adopted child and the children of your relative. The older a child is at the time of adoption, the more likely it is that he/she will have issues arising from negative life experiences; still, even babies may have problems.

Do you know, for example, whether ANY of the children were exposed prenatally to alcohol or drugs? Prenatal exposure to alcohol -- common in both domestic and international adoptions -- can leave a child with lifelong and sometimes serious problems, such as learning disabilities, impulsive behaviors, inability to understand cause and effect, and so on. Prenatal exposure to drugs can also have long term consequences, depending on the drug and the frequency of birthmother drug use.

Personally, I am all in favor of large families -- IF a family can truly afford to support a lot of children and obtain plenty of outside help. As you already know, raising kids is expensive. And if you have to struggle to make ends meet, it can be extremely draining. Having a lot of children, especially young children, really requires that you have the resources to get help when needed -- someone to clean the house occasionally, someone to drive kids to different activities, someone to take at least some of the kids so that you can get a haircut or deal with your own case of flu, etc.

Sharon

[momtolee1993]

One thing to consider would be what is best for all the children involved....would there not be other families who would also love to adopt these babies and may be in a better position regarding time to deal with all the normal baby stuff as well as the extra stuff brought on by difficulties in their young lives? What about the affect on your children already at home....

[BZmom7]

I would also check with your local DCFS....in a lot of states they are very picky about how many children you can have under a certian age....although...with a relitive placement, it might be differnt. Just something else you might want to check into.

Best of Luck.