[WildcatInWI]

Am I delusional to consider adopting 3 siblings at once? I will be a first-time mom. The youngest child would almost certainly be 2 or older, and we'd ask that the oldest child be 7 or younger. Aside from the waiting time possibly being shorter, I worry about the siblings not being adopted because they come as a package deal and not many people want 3. Other than the chaos, which I think I could handle, I worry about two parents being able to help three children through simultaneous transition to new lives. And I worry that in any given situation, one would feel like the odd man out.

I would really appreciate insights from anyone who has done 3+ at one time. Thanks.

[mommytoEli]

we adopted 3 at the same time. it was actually 2 different families. we began fostering the 8 and 9 year old, and about 4 months later a baby was born that also needed to be fostered. All three became available for adoption and were finalized around the same time....about 1 1/2 years later. We were first time parents, only married a year when they first moved in. WE WERE CRAZY! But I would do it again in a heartbeat. Going from 0 to 3 was HARD. The older kids were tough....i like to say they had to be re-parented....partially bc they had not had an actual parent in over 5 years and being in the system meant they had no manners, no social skills, no hygeine skills, they couldn't even eat with a fork. Teaching them an entirely new routine and set of rules was tough. Had I not had a great support team of social workers, court advocates, and family, we would not have made it (and it is still not "perfect" . The most important thing at the time was that we needed someone else telling the kids that healthy families had rules and expectations and consequences when they were not followed. They had lived so long in an instution they expected the "staff" in this house to change every 8 hours, and when it didn't...and so they were still in trouble, they didn't know what to do. There was also a LOT of, "now this is when you say goodbye." etc....they needed LOTS of clues and tips to help them learn to socialize with people. It was surreal at times....and doing it with 2 kids while also raising a difficult baby, was really tiring at times! Sometimes I think they would have been better off with seasoned parents, but other times I think they did well to have 2 naive people willing to be educated and learn quickly so that they actually had parents with more patience. I don't know. I like to try to justify things sometimes...it makes me feel better as a parent lol!

You are not completely delusional...but everyone you know will think you are . One thing that was nice was we had a completely empty house when we started, and so when we took the older 2, opposite gender, they got their own rooms, and so did the baby when he got there. the social worker said most people who do foster care or adoption in our area only had room for up to 2, but they had to be the same gender. So there is another plus for you. As my house fills up, I will never be able to adopt that many at once again....there is just no room I think you will have fun....but be prepared to work....HARD. I worked outside the home for a little over 2 years after they first moved in...and I totally regret it. I think if I had been able to stay home sooner, the adjustment would have gone better, and my children would be healthier for it. IMHO, if you are needing to do any form of daycare, I would not suggest adopting so many at once, just because your time and influence will be so little, spread so thin, with so many at one time.....but I DO know parents who have done it, and it is ok. I think in the end, you will do what feels right for you, and fight for it to work. Just know you will need to take naps and get more pedicures

[xraymom62]

It can be done, but it is alot of work. We just got back a month ago with three (2, 5 & 8). We decided on 3 at once because we're just too old to do it again and wanted more than one child. Plus - we only had to pay to travel once. We are not first time parents (have two adult children), but it's been awhile since we had young children. I don't know that any of them feel like the "odd man out". It tends to be the older one and the two younger ones together or the younger one and the two older ones get to do something. Our biggest problem right now is the 5 year old competes with the 2 year old for attention.
They all get along pretty well and look out for each other.
We've been staggering their bedtimes so we get a little individual time with the older ones since the 2 year old requires more supervision during the day.
We're glad we took 3 at once. It does make for long days, but I think it's worth it.

[momraine]

You might also visit the Polish Forums, there are a couple of moms there who adopted three at once.

[chelle_bub]

We originally had a sibling group of 4 they were ages 5,3,2 and 6 months then. It worked out really nice the way the foster mom was willing to work with us to make the placement successful. We had day visits and a few overnight visits with the 5 yr old for about 3-4 weeks then we started visits with the 5&3 for about 1 week and then we had the 5, 3 & 2 year old for about 2 weeks and then they started visits with the 6 month old. It worked our really good they were all with us in Nov. 2005 but not yet adopted. In April 2006 we got a call from our agency saying the Bio mom had just had a baby and was wondering if we would consider having another sibling. We accepted and picked her up from the hospital 2 days later. Adoption was final 4-22-07 on all 5. It is definatly a change in your life but we were all for it and I wouldn't change it for the world even through the ups an downs that we have had. And about other peoples thought on adopting more then one...yes they think we are crazy but also know that we have been blessed.

[pnewcombe]

I adopted four at once last year, two siblings and two un related, all older teenage boys and I am now a 60 year old first time single dad. Life has changed! but I am happy and after one year if have seen great positive changes in the kids and I would not do any thing different.

pete, pop to foour great kids.

[pnewcombe]

Also in my case, having the four has been a great help for the boys too since they have someone to relate to. The never feel like they are unique.

[jessipea]

We adopted a 3, 5 and 6 year old at the same time. They are brothers. They speak Polish and I speak English. I am a first time mom and it is a huge adjustment for us, but wonderful! I would be glad to answer any specific questions you have...you can PM me!

Jessi

[Tudu]

We have a sib group of 6 that all came at the same time. It was very consuming the first few moths due to all their issues but we have settled in after a year and a half. I would think it would be easier w/o other children to adjust to the new kids and you not having any children to compare them with.

[randloar]

Had to jump in here........no, you are not delusional, as long as you do your best mentally to prepare for what lies ahead. Everyone will question you and tell you not to do it, but my reaction is that its your family not theirs, so if you think you can do it, you should.

We 'only' came home with two at once earlier this year and are finally starting to feel a bit settled in. Our youngest was 14 months, and the second was 2.75 years, so younger than you are anticipating, but it was a struggle at first to learn how to be a mama to both at once. They really fought hard to get my undivided attention and are finally starting to allow the other to get some one-on-one snuggle time with me without jumping into the mix (we do all at once too, but need the separate time as well!). We tried to be prepared for those types of things but were not fully prepared for just how hard it would be to make them both 'happy' at once!!!

So, if we were to do it all over again, we would, but would communicate more with those who had been there and done that to learn some shortcuts to try to help with some of the bumps along the way!