[Mongoose]

LOL It's hard coming up with an original thread title on this board!

I'm not at the stage of retaining an agency or having a homestudy done, just doing my research, and I'm wondering whether most agencies will, or wont, let you adopt two unrelated children at the same time? I don't want to harass agencies with questions when I'm not a client so I'm hoping some of you can share what you encountered in that respect.

Thanks.

-
Marie

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by Hawkowl

I'm wondering whether most agencies will, or wont, let you adopt two unrelated children at the same time?

Why would you want to? I know that it happens with twins and other multiples, but the bottom line is that adopting multiples means that the child gets less of your attention, less time to attach, etc. Unless it benefits the child in some way (i.e. they are siblings or they are in the same orphanage and have been like siblings to one another) I don't think it should be allowed.

[Tudu]

My state will not allow you to adopt 2 or more that are not related. We are adopting a sibling group of 6 that were about to be adopted separately. Please consider a sibling group if you wish to adopt more than one. I have many fds that are grown and live with a huge amount of guilt for not having the sibling bond they know they should have had. It is the exact reason we chose to find a large group that would lose each other otherwise.

[dlbmcgill]

Our agency allows the adoption of 2 unrelated children at a time (at least for the international program that we chose), but by the time we traveled the country no longer did. In the end, we adopted 2 very close together (3 months apart) so it was almost like adopting 2 at the same time. While we're happy to have them both, it has been a more difficult adjustment than I had imagined, for me more than the kids. The kids seem fine and both are very well attached, get along great with each other and with our bio son, but as a parent it is difficult to give each kid "enough" time. Now, this might also be true by the time we got to number 3 even if they were all bio kids, but then again, maybe not.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

Our boys are 2 1/2 months apart. I think it is AWESOME! As another poster said, it is probablymore difficult at times for mom than the kids. You have to keep in mind which stores have carts that sit 2 kids. You have to be sure your double stroller can get in and out of places. You have to have 2 car seats...or in our case 4...2 for each vehicle.

As for the boys, they couldn't be closer! Bug was 4 1/2 months old when the state contacted us to see if we would accept Bear, so they definately did not have a problem with adopting 2 at the same time.

[Mongoose]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

Why would you want to? I know that it happens with twins and other multiples, but the bottom line is that adopting multiples means that the child gets less of your attention, less time to attach, etc. Unless it benefits the child in some way (i.e. they are siblings or they are in the same orphanage and have been like siblings to one another) I don't think it should be allowed.

I'm aware of the divergence of opinions as to whether it should or shouldn't be done. My question is more whether it's more often allowed or disallowed.

Thanks dlbmcgill and bug-and-bears-mommies for sharing your experiences.

-
Marie

[pnewcombe]

I adopted four teenagers at the same time, two siblings and two unrelated. There were several unusual circumstances related to the process. When I started, I was looking for older children as I was 59 at the time of the adoption. I was told that the agency would allow me to adopt two children. When they provided me information for my referral they provided me info on four boys for me to choose from. When I met them, I decided to adopt all four. They had lived together in the same small orphanage for at least 8 years and were well known to each other already. In addition I had fortunately prepared all of my dossier and government paperwork for four because I had read somewhere if you want one do the paperwork for two, etc. I also have a big enough house, budget and heart to make it happen. Needless to say, at every step of the way I was told I was crazy to adopt four, but I've had the last laugh. I have four great kids who are doing well and part of that is because they had each other to lean on when all of the changes they had to deal with were hard on them. Of course the last bit of info that swung things my way was that all of the boys were within a year of ageing out of eligibility for international adoption, so I was the last chance that they would be adopted after not even being considered once by anyone else in all of their years in the children's home. So I say if it is supposed to happen, it can and will.

[Mongoose]

pnewcombe - I read your story before. It makes me smile every time I think of it. I totally agree that whatever is right will come. Thank you for sharing this.

[GCS]

We adopted two unrelated children at the same time from Russia in 2004. When I was interviewing agencies (don't worry about calling them with questions, you're interviewing them and making a very important decision) I asked if they would allow us to adopt a toddler and infant together.

A few of them told us that this was not allowed in Russia. I took them off my list as I knew it was allowed in Russia and if I was more familiar with Russian policy than this agency then it wasn't a very good sign.

One lectured me on the "irresponsibility" of moving ahead with this. They were also removed from my short list. There were 6 or more at that time that had experience with this and I choose one of those 6.

Please let me know if you want more information.

We are very happy we adopted our two and hope to go back for number 3 within the year. We will use our agency again! It was a wonderful experience.

Good luck,
Christina

[Kimberj71]

Our agency had no problem with simultaneous multiple adoptions of biologically unrelated children. I do not believe for a second that our children have or are suffering as a result of being close in age to their sibling. In fact I believe the exact opposite to be true I believe it has been a benefit to both of them from the start in their transitioning into our family, in their development both motor, cognitive, and social.

And when you consider the alternative for many of these children sharing a parent or two with siblings who are not biologically related is not all that bad. I also believe you should ask this question when interviewing agencies.

Kim

[randloar]

We just adopted two at once from Russia a few months ago, a now 16 month old and a 3 year old........not bio siblings. We did find a few agencies for Russia that said we weren't allowed to do this, and as posted by Christina, but we knew better and found an agency that was not there to tell us how to live our life based on their opinion of how this should work.......

I can say that Kaz stopped allowing two unrelated kiddos to be adopted at once last year (not sure if they are still enforcing it at this point), but there are countries and agencies working in those countries that do allow it. I would pick your country based on finding out if the country permits it (along with your other criteria that are important to you, like travel, age, etc), then start calling agencies.......don't let one agency telling you its bad for the kids deter you if this is what you feel is the right thing for your family!!

Hang in there and you will find your kiddos!

[Excelmom]

Hello! I agree, hang in there. You will find what is right for your family!

Everyone and each one of our families is different. What works for one family may or not work for another family! We too, are considering this. We are adopting our son Rafael from Guatemala and considering starting another adoption there as well. We are I171 ready, homestudy ready, so just dossier paperwork needs to get done. There are Hague treaty issues going on there which is one of the many reasons we are thinking of doing this sooner rather than later.

Good luck to you!!

[takingtheplunge]

Hello. PLEASE ask them your candid questions. It is better to know their philosophies than to go with the wrong agency. This is what I discovered.
-- Many agencies have a moral hang-up about adopting 2 at once. They claim it is for the child's benefit. While I agree that one-on-one time is better for a child, you could probably save up to $15,000 by adopting two at once. I'd rather have the extra $ to help with pre-school or a college fund.
-- Some countries won't allow two at once if not bio-related
-- Russia does allow two non-bio's at once, but some of the judges in their regions frown on it. If a region judge doesn't like it, good luck getting your paperwork through.
-- Agencies work with a limited amount of regions in Russia. Some agencies may not work with a region that is open to it. I have heard that while some regions are okay at adopting two non-bio kids, some want at least a 9 month age gap.

Bottom line, if an agency says you can't adopt two non-bios at once, they may not be lying to you. They just might mean you can't do it with their agency.

[silverleaf]

Hi Marie,
We did it and it has been 5 years and it is working very well for us and the kids. We adopted two 4 yr olds (girl and boy) from Vladivostok Russia. I think it is very wise of you to find an agency willing to let you make your OWN decisions about what you want to do regarding your family. Why settle for some agency that imposes its own rules over those of the adoptive country, and limits what they will "allow" you to do, based on bad experiences with other clients (theirs or other the social workers have read about) - who may or may not be going into this with your situation and your attitude and your preparation?

The Russians were thrilled that we chose to adopt two kids instead of one! The kids are very close buddies but very different in their personalities and interests outside of the family. Our boy has special needs and his sister has been a Godsend in helping him. Our girl would be a little self-centered princess if she didn't have to learn compassion and sharing us and her other things with another child.

We didn't really intend to adopt two at once but when you meet certain kids, it's good to have the flexibility and agency support to make things happen.

We did intend to adopt two unrelated kids to reduce the risks of adoping a sibling group where all might share the same serious issues of abuse, FAS, genetic problems etc. That decision has worked to our advantage in dealing with DS's FAS special needs which are NOT shared at all by DD. Yes, some luck was involved in who we met and how things are working out for all of us.

But- that is our experience in answering your question