[txsunset]

Hi all!

I'm currently planning on adopting Fall of 2006 from Vietnam. However, I had thought that I would adopt 2 children at the same time, sibs or unrelated. My middle sister (who is planning to adopt her children with me) is contemplating the same choice. Most of our family members are trying to convince us that we should adopt one child at a time.

I know what I would like (and what I will probably do, LOL) but I would like to hear some other opinions (from people NOT related to me! )

2 at a time? Or is it better to go one at a time?

Thanks so much!

Kirstin

[Kimberj71]

Kristin,

Congratulations on your decision to adopt!! What an exciting time for you and how special to share the experience with your sister!!!

I think the decision to adopt two children can not be taken lightly, just as the decision to adopt in general can not be.

You might want to consider your support system. Two children, especially if they come home at one time or very close together in time, is more than twice the work. Having a good solid support system for you and your new children is a must.

Also, consider your own personality...what is your patience level, your tolerance for chaos. How confident are you in your parenting skills?

Most importantly, of course, consider the children's needs. Will you be able to meet their needs for individual attention, bonding, any possible special needs that you may find when they get home?

Some other things to think about: Are you considering a sibling group or two children who will have known each other in an orphanage for a while or two children who do not know each other? Are you planning on adopting infants, toddlers or older children? I think all of these things will have an impact on your decision.

That being said, I am so very thankful that we adopted our two youngest simultaneously. They came home 3 months apart, for which I am also thankful. They are both such a blessing to our home! I can't imagine life without either one of them. And at 20 months and 18.5 months old, they are the best of buddies.

Think things through, listen to those around you, and then listen to your heart. You are the one who will ultimately be responsible for this child(ren) and you know yourself best.

Good luck with your decision and your adoption process(es).

Kim

[Mindy82]

Good for you! But let me just say this. You should not take lightly the fact that your family thinks you should adopt one at a time... After all, since they are your family, they have your best interests at heart, not the people on these boards! Although our opinions are valid too, that's just what they are.. opinions. Your family knows you best, so i'd ask them the reason they think that, and let your heart guide you, but never forget they are only thinking of you.

[randloar]

txsunset
Congrats on your plans to adopt. We are in process to adopt in Kazakhstan, and are hoping to bring home two little ones too. Peoples reactions have been pretty entertaining, as if we haven't thought this out at all and are doing this on a whim. Our hearts are telling us we can do this, and we will be able to provide for these kids needs, although we realize how difficult it will be as well. We have talked with our social worker about it, taken classes, read up and talked with others that have done it and ones that hadnt' that wished they had.

What I don't understand regarding the opposition to people deciding to adopt two children at the same time, is when people undergo many of the available fertility treatments they are signing up for a dramatic potential in giving birth to multiples, and that is okay to bystanders, BUT to consciously (not ooops, we are going to have twins) plan and prepare for two is seen as unfair to the children.......This makes no sense to me!

So, I would say to really be honest with yourself and what you are prepared for. If you are single, do you have a true support network to take on and get adjusted to parenting at the same time as bonding with two children (definately even harder if there is one of you and not two to help out). We feel we can handle this and do it well, but I can also see that it isn't for everyone. Just my thoughts.

[txsunset]

Thanks for all of your feedback and opinions!

I know what I want but unfortunately I'm having problems finding an agency that will help me adopt 2 at once. Most of them say that with a single parent they will only allow one child per adoption unless they are siblings. So...I'm still debating if I want to push on or try to adopt a second time farther down the road. I'm just worried that farther down the road won't come...

Again thanks for the opinions and feedback!

[kimmom]

Is there a reason that you would be upposed to a sibling group? It may be a great way for you to experience an infant but not the chaos of two infants at once. I have 5 (two bios) and I can't imagine having another infant. Those sleepless nights are rough. lol Also bc placing bio-sibs together is favorable it is sometimes much less expensive which could really help a single mom out. My opinion is that you should follow the path the God has put into your heart. Mom's are always trying to make it easier for their daughters, we/they just don't always know what that is. Good luck!

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I can tell you, I actually heard my MIL talking to someone about our taking in Bear who was 8 weeks old when we already had Bug who was 4 1/2 months old at the time. It was about 6 months after we had both boys. Her exact words were "We thought they were CRAZY, but we didn't say anything at the time. Now, we are SO happy we have both boys." I think it is hard for people to actually grasp the concept, but once the kids are part of the family, they forget all the worry they had in the first place.

[teranga]

I think the age of the children you are adopting is really crucial here. If you are talking about 2 infants, that is one thing. That can be like having multiple bio kids, but adopting two children who are even a little bit older is NOT like having multiple bio kids. They come with their own experiences and their own "baggage".

What if one or boht of these children requires more from you than you expect, to bond? What if one has RAD? There are a number of attachment issues, even at the less extreme end of the spectrum, which necessitate a lot of time and attention. The fact that you will be a single mom would make me even more cautious. Does this mean you are working FT? If so, I'd really think about how much time you are going to have to give and bond with two children at one time. Even one can be a lot. Two, when working FT with no spouse to pass off to when needed? It seems like it could unnecessarily hard on both you and the children. Are you also a first time parent? If so, it seems to me (and this is only one person's opinion) that you should start with one, and really focus on that one child's needs, on adjusting to parenthood, on addressing any issues that one child may have which you don't yet know about...and take it from there for the 2nd one.

The goal here is to ENJOY the kids right? You may be able to survive more than one, but it seems like odds would be more in your favor if you adopted only one at a time to actually ENJOY your children!

Good luck with your decision. And since I don't know you personally, I don't mean to suggest you couldn't do it and love it...it's just my perspective from the outside. I think it's also the perspective of a lot of agencies though...

Teranga

[momraine]

Well since everyone is giving you reasons to consider doing one at a time, I thought I would chime in with reasons to do two at a time, LOL.
One that no one really likes to admit is cost. Can you afford to do the whole process twice? It's cheaper to do two at a time because you can make one trip instead of two and some of the fees are not doubled, especially for siblings. (I don't know how many sibling sets there are in the country you are considering though) the other thing is that you will have to leave the first child to go get the second one. Depending on the country that can be a long trip. You have to consider if you are willing and able to do that. Can you take that much time off work twice? Anyway, just some things to consider on the other side.

[ManyTimesBlessed]

I don't know if the original poster is even on the forum anymore, but I had to chime in as someone in favor of adopting two at once! :-) We really saw it as a "why not?" sort of thing. We wanted to adopt two and we did not have any real reasons not to. I don't think that adopting two at once is for everyone, but for us it seemed to fit. Also, we believe that God led us to both of our children. It didn't make any sense that Lillian (who we found second) should have to wait until Jayden was home. Why not bring them both home as quickly as possible? We know we're in for an exciting, crazy, stressful, wonderful year and we can't wait! :-)