[aamommy]

Would that be completely insane???? We've finally made the decision to adopt (from Guatemala!!!) and now are struggling with the decision of whether to adopt one or two.

We have two little girls (bio) ages 3 and almost 2. We know for sure that we want to adopt two children ... but whether we do both adoptions right away is the question!!!

I've had no problem handling my two girls .... they are the joy of my life and we are definitely ready to add another child. I am not the slightest bit worried about adding a third .... but the logistics of having 4 little kids would be tough. It would be hard to GO ANYWHERE with them. Just going to the grocery store would be a major affair!! Obviously there are ways I can deal with that (like not going shopping til my DH gets home from work!) and I'm sure it would get easier as the kids got older.

There's just so many things to think about!! I would definitely have to quit my job (I work PT now, but NO WAY could I afford 4 kids in day care!!!) And paying for the adoption of 2 children will not be fun either! I guess there are things I could do .... like take a PT job in the evenings when DH is home so I wouldn't have to pay for day care.

Just looking for any insights from people who have done this! I am not sure I want to go through the adoption process twice .... we haven't even started yet and I'm already stressed out!! In a way I feel like I just want to complete our family right away so we can just focus on being together and being a family and not worry about all the things I am worrying about right now!!

[resabelle]

Wow! We adopted two little girls at once, but we had no other children. It was worth if for us because it meant we only had to ride the emotional rollercoaster once, which would have been different had we adopted them at 2 different times. It was extremely busy when we got them home; learning their personalities and schedules and meeting the needs of their different ages, but overall it was wonderul and the transition has been very smooth. I think it's one of those decisions that you have to follow your heart on! Best wishes to you... four under four... my hats off to you... lol. Mine are 8 months and 22 months right now and I adore them; fun ages, but it is a handful. Your daughters might be a big help to you... my 22 month old always helps with her baby sister. Best wishes!

[crick]

We adopted a sibling group of 4 (ages 5,4,2&1)

Had we already been parents, I don't know that we could have done it. Not so much the scheduling, routine, errand running etc. although that does make a HUGE difference! But the hardest thing for us was finding the time to bond with each individual child and spending the quality time that they needed. Each child reacts and bonds differently (at least with my kids, they did) and it was challenging to find 4 different ways to do that, plus figure out 1 routine that would mostly fit the family as a whole. And in addition to the individual bonding, we had the sibling interaction and bonding with each other to work on too.

Not impossible, and I wouldn't take back a single second (well, okay, maybe a FEW things...)but it is hard. Took us a little over a year before I really felt like we were a family.

And the PT evening job plans? Not that easy to do, at least in my opinion. I kept thinking I'd do that but it was always a case of "wait til the youngest is in school". Now my youngest will be in kindergarten next year but with all the school activities, sports, cubscouts, brownies, managing the household duties, etc. etc., I'm too tired at the end of the day to even think about working. Plus, it's hard to maintain the relationship with your spouse and when you mostly spend time in the evenings after the kids are in bed, it becomes even more important to "steal" that time together.

I'm not trying to put a downer on things, I promise! Just know that it doesn't necessarily get easier as the kids get older because it actually gets busier with all their activities etc. Some things are easier, but new things are added all the time. I've got 3 kids in soccer this spring, with 3 different practice schedules & locations, not to mention 3 games a week on the same day. Just an example of the juggling that is needed.

I do know what you mean by only going through the process once. Why do you think I have 4 kids?? LOL! I love them and they are the light of my life! In the end, you have to do what's best for you and jump in with everything you've got.

The best thing about it? 4 times the hugs, kisses, "I love you's", great refrigerator art, and "Mommy, you are the bestest mommy ever!!"

Good luck in your decision!
Crick

[hjdeth]

It can be done if you are determined enough.

Mine weren't all under 4, however, over a 27 month period I adopted 4 children.

2001 - 5.6yo girl and 6.9yo boy
2002 - 6.6yo boy
2003 - 7.4yo girl

Now they are 10.2yo, 8.11yo, 8.9yo, and 8.7yo. 2 2nd graders and 2 3rd graders.

I found 3 to be much harder to parent than 4. There was always an "odd man out" thing going on.

Now for the real reason that I know you can do it if you and your DH are both committed to it...I am a single working mom!

Honey, if I can adopt and handle the day-to-day joy of 4 children, then anyone can.

PS...look for a good nanny. Depending on how much you made working part-time, it may still be worth working just to make a little money and have some time with adults. I am in the midwest and my nanny charges me $150/week for 1/2 days, about 20 hours/week.

[Kimberj71]

We have 5 children between the ages of 7 and 1. Our youngest two are both one year olds and were adopted simultaneously but came home 3 months apart.

Things are crazy here, chaotic even. And at night, I no longer have insomnia It is very easy to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Seriously, it can be done. And now that the babies are slowly becoming more independant, things are getting easier. The scheduling becomes more challenging, but the physical labor is lessening with every bit they learn to do on their own.

We too, decided not to go through two completely separate adoption processes. I didn't think I could handle going through it all again so we started a second adoption mid process of the first. I'm so glad we did it. But now I'm thinking that MAYBE someday in the future we MIGHT try it just ONE more time! lol

Good luck in your decision!!!

Kim

[ruesugar]

We adopted two at a time twice from Guatemala. We had a two week period when our second two first came home with four kids all under the age of two! I would say forget working at least for a while I've already had to take all four to the store on occasion by myself. Thank God I was lucky enough to find one of the carts with the two toddler seats. You can also fit a third kid in the regular cart/seat part. Then you pick one to walk along side of you. I do not recommend this unless you absolutely have to! :-) My husband usually does most of the shopping now. You should have seen our mini van with all the car seats. People would stare! People said and still say we are crazy. Life can be very hectic. One of our children is also on the autism spectrum, so we also have to work in therapy too. It is sometimes hard to make sure all four get the one on one time they need, but it is doable. I try and volunteer in their classrooms for a few hours every week. T-Ball is starting. We really have no social life, but I'm OK with that. Our oldest two are turning 6 in April and I'm thinking of taking a part-time job three days a week. I'm looking forward to working again. We have no family close by. It would have been easier if we did. My Mom comes and spends a couple months a year with us. I really would not change a thing. The bonds the children have being so close in age are unbelievable. OK, if I ever won the lottery I would hire someone to clean, cook and do my laundry, but I still would want to take care of my kids. I think you just need to look at your situation and do what feels right.

Good luck! Let me know if you have any questions.

[L@uren]

Hello, and WOW!!! You all sound very busy. My husband and I have two bio. children 1 girl and 1 boy. We have been discussing adoptions and would like to adopt in a few years. I had wanted to adopt two children ( I like even numbers and large families, there were 5 kiddos in my family). Anyway, my husband doesn't want to go through the process twice. But our next problem was the cost. *It won't be for a few years, but I am trying to start saving up.* Congrats to you all and good luck
Lauren

[MLRJ]

Wow! We have two from Vietnam who are three and are in the process of two from Guatemala! People have told me we are nuts-But we love having two the same age! YOu are amazing! MLRJ

[Leslie]

Thanks for all the feedback and stories. My husband and I are waiting for a sibling group (not yet identified) from Colombia. We should be done this year. It is inspiring to see that there are others and we are not the only crazy people around. We knew we didn't want another "only" child, my husbands son is 15, and we didn't want to do the paper chase and travel again in the future, so we are doing it all at once! I will be able to stay home and I have a wonderful support system with our family. I am realistic but confident about our future, but this site is great! We will keep viewing and add our own tidbits when we get to it. Thanks again.

[MLRJ]

Good for you! Keep us updated of your progress! Can't wait to hear more! MLRJ ( mom to two cuties from VN, waiting hopefully for two from Guatemala)

[Leslie]

We thought first of Mexico, which is not very easy to adopt from, and then Guatemala, but it had closed or was very slow about the time we actually started, signed up for Panama, and then it basically did not work out and switched to Colombia. All the latin children are beautiful! My husband and my dad are fluent in spanish so here we are! Hope your two come home this year too! Leslie

[Dmommab]

It's tough - I won't lie but sooooooooooo fun!!! Almost 2 years ago to the day we had two 3 year olds, a 4 month old and a 2 day old. It was tough & a double stroller was a MUST. Now they are 5 & 2 years old & it is easier & I'm sure it will get even easier as they get older. I agree with whoever above that said if they hadn't been parents before they weren't sure they could handle it. One 5 year old & the one who will be 2 this week have been adopted and the adoption on the other 5 year old & his 2 year old sister will be final sometime late April or early May. Grocery shopping MUST be done after husband comes home from work as taking all the kids to the grocery would be CRAZY! Good luck in whatever you decide.

[bromanchik]

Think of it from the child's point of view. If you were going to a new country, where the sights, sounds and smells are different from everything you know..... And you are leaving behind the people who have loved and cared for you, people you have come to rely on for your every need....... leaving your home to go someplace complately different with different people all around you..... Wouldn't you want someone there who is there totally for you and you alone? To help you through this transition? To make it the least choatic and confusing?

Children are not blank slates. Even newborns have memories of their mother's voice and smell and touch. This child will be coming to you grieving all they have lost. They may not have words or the ability to understand, but they do know when someone they are familiar with is gone, and they long for it. Don't you want to be the one that is there to soothe, to make that transition smoother. Ask yourself, what do I want my child's first memories to be? Do you want them to be of you juggling and struggling to keep up with their needs? Or do you want there to be time....time to cuddle and hold and just get to know each other.

[ruesugar]

Have you ever thought that possibly the children can help each other??? They know each others laughs, cries, smiles. etc. The bonds our four share are incredible. And even though it may get hectic from time to time all of mine have been held, loved and comforted. We also have many birth stories to share as each one is unique.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by ruesugar

Have you ever thought that possibly the children can help each other??? They know each others laughs, cries, smiles. etc. The bonds our four share are incredible. And even though it may get hectic from time to time all of mine have been held, loved and comforted.

I am not saying that your children have not been loved. And certainly having other children can be comforting to a child. However, not all children are coming from the same foster home, so they won't necissarily "know each other". In artifial twinning the facts are the children are not biological twins. They do not have a shared experience so the bonds that exist between biological twins do not exist. So the transition to another set of caregivers, a new home and a new country is not necissarily going to be eased by sharing the experience with another child.

The bottom line is that there will be less time for each child when you adopt two at once. That is just a fact.