[MLRJ]

Actually, in both of our cases, (VN) our two wre from the same orphanage sharing the same bed since days after their birth and in (Guat) they will both be with the same foster moms- Most agencies when they know you are adopting two make an effort to do this- MLRJ

[ruesugar]

Actually 2 of our 4 were in the same foster home and did know each other's cries and laughs. I do think it was somewhat comforting. I also think that having a playmate to interact with is so important. I may not have as much time for four as I would for one, but even with one special needs child my two oldest in kindergarten are reading at a first grade level. None of the teachers I've encountered have ever questioned the amount or quality of time my children have received. I think it is unfair to judge adopting more than one child at a time unless you've actually experienced it or were close to someone who has. I am not saying it is easy...but it is doable and you can do it if it is right for you and your family! By the way I hate the term "artificial twinning". There is nothing artificial about our family. We are a real family and they are real brother and sisters. The bonds our children have could not be any closer...

[Mom4Girls]

"The bottom line is that there will be less time for each child when you adopt two at once. That is just a fact."

This is true. But is is also true for ANY child who is not the first child in a family. My 1st DD had over a year of being an only child. No other children in our family will have that luxury. Rather than feeling that this harms either the first child who has "lost" future blocks of one one one time or the subsequent children who will never have the "only child extra time", we prefer to look at the positive elements of sharing and interactions with siblings.

I know many people who have successfully adopted virtual twins, including in our home. Available time for each child is only one part of the whole equation. While it is true that not every situation involves the adoption of children who know one another, there are plenty where they ARE already friends. In a perfect world all children would have a home. Since this is far from the case, allowing flexibility in adoption plans (such as virtual twins, out of birth order, etc.) seems to allow just a few more children to find their forever families. JMHO

[Kimberj71]

Brenda,

I have to respectfully disagree with what I feel you are implying. It seems you are implying that the only people who should adopt are those who do not already have children in the home. I gather this from your post because that is the only scenario where a new child coming into a home would not have to "share" their parent(s).

In my experience my two youngest children are 6 weeks apart in age and came home seperately 3 months apart. They did not share a foster home. However, our youngest son DID share a fosterhome with another baby a day younger than he was. I have to believe having another baby his age in the house already made his transition somewhat easier for him.

I also do not believe any of my five children suffer from lack of attention either from each other or either my husband or myself. My husband and myself are, however, fully committed to all of our children and therefore probably make different choices in how we spend our free time now than if we had only a single child or no children. It's a matter of priorities, but we are definitely a living breathing example that you CAN have a "large" family with children close in age (ours are between 7 and 1) and lead a happy normal life.

Kim

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by Kimberj71

Brenda,

I have to respectfully disagree with what I feel you are implying. It seems you are implying that the only people who should adopt are those who do not already have children in the home.

That is not what I am saying at all. I am not in favor of "artificial twinning", the practice of adopting two children at the same time. I feel that it is most optimal for an adopted child to have his/her parent's attention during the transition into the family. Certainly "the family" can come in all shapes and sizes. The children at home already (hopefully) feel safe, secure and bonded to their parents. The child coming from another country does not. Having two children, unknown to each other and unknown to their parents, with the need to attach is not optimal. Certainly there are exceptions for sibling groups or those who have grown up together and are attached to each other, but my point is it should be about what the child needs, not that it is more convienient for adoptive parents to only have to go through the process once.

[Jensboys]

I think Brenda is coming from the point of view of a professional wanting to ensure that disruptions dont occur. Statistically speaking, the more children adopted at once the greater the chance of disruption. The rate of adoption disruption for two children adopted at once (siblings or not) is double that of a single child adoption. The rate of disruption for three children adopted at once is double that of two children adopted at once. The statistics become more dramatic the older the children being adopted are.

So, statistically speaking, adoption professions, social workers etc are very cautious as to the motivation or intentions of parents wishing to make this choice. I think it is WISE of adoptive parents to be thinking of the issues that may arise and have a plan to address them. It doesnt mean it CANT be done ... it just means that it should be done carefully and with an appreciation of the separate issues that may arise.

Jen

[blessedmomee]

We have been blessed with five, soon to be six babies under the age of four. Along with our 13 and 11yr. old, our children are 3, 3, 2, 2, and 8mo. We are in the process of adopting another 8mo. from Guatemala. Although we have had at least three months in between the arrival of each baby, all have joined our family within the past three years. We did not seek to adopt so many children, so close in age, but we are thrilled with the way God has brought our family together. It definitely takes a high level of organization to have so many in diapers and strollers, but the joy is immeasurable!

I believe with proper prospective, and planning, it is entirely possible to adopt two children at the same time. It does involve a shift in priorities, and both parents being highly involved in the adjustment phase. The phase of adjustment is never easy, but bonds do form, as do new routines. I think it is important to realize that both children may be very different in their needs. One may be a great sleeper, while the other may struggle with night terrors. One may be a great eater, while the other may struggle with reflux or be a picky eater. It is important to consider how challenges and needs will be met, before gotcha day.

All that said, blessings on your decision to grow your family by two more!

C
mom to seven-ages 13, 11, 3, 3, 2, 2, 8mo.
waiting for baby 8mo.
five Guatemala adoptions
one domestic

[belleiniowa]

I'ts huge! No doubt. We had four under three at one time and still have three, three years and younger. We adopted twice and got three infants in about 13 months. It was hard no doubt, but I wouldn't have changed a thing. We are planning to adopt again but we are waiting until our youngest is closer to three. You would need to be a full time parent, but you must plan for time each week for yourself. You must be very flexible and willing to give great amounts of yourself every day. Grocery shopping can be done, but you will always attract lots of attention! Some will coo and ask about all your babies others will give you that "hasn't she ever heard about birth control?" look. You just have to ignore and be polite as much as you can. Your life will completely change. Two is one thing, four is unbeliveable! You have to take time for you and your spouse. Not easy! Plan to finance your adoption some way that dosen't require you to work, and start saving your income now and learn to live on one income before it really matters. Don't get me wrong, I have five and will adopt again, but go into it thoughtfully. Best wishes, Belle

[Kimberj71]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

I am not in favor of "artificial twinning", the practice of adopting two children at the same time. .....Having two children, unknown to each other and unknown to their parents, with the need to attach is not optimal. Certainly there are exceptions for sibling groups or those who have grown up together and are attached to each other,

I'm still trying to understand your point. Are you against what you call "artificial twinning" which in other literature I've read is adopting two unrelated children less than 9 months apart in age? Or are you against adopting ANY two unrelated children regardless of age difference where the children arrive home at the same time? And would you be opposed to two biologically related children who are currently living in different fosterhomes/orphanages (who've had little exposure to each other but ARE biologically related) being adopted simultaneously?

From Jens post, I think the position must be that adopting more than one child at the same time causes potential for disruption. And that would most likely be the case even for sibling groups who were living together prior to the adoption. In this case, I think that agencies and social workers need to assess the situation on a family by family basis and provide additional resources to the adoptive family. Which in our case, is exactly what happened.

bromanchik wrote:
but my point is it should be about what the child needs, not that it is more convienient for adoptive parents to only have to go through the process once (sorry I don't know how to quote someone more than once in the same post!)

In our case, the children's needs were always first and foremost. Had we ever thought otherwise, we would not have adopted simultaneously. I guess that is why hearing that someone believes we have harmed our little ones in some way is so disturbing to me. Building a family is a serious decision. And we would have never flipantly made that decision out of "convience" for us. It was by the grace of God that the children's need and our own desires matched.

Kim

[MicheleB]

Well, when our little girl gets home from Guatemala, we will have 3 babies 3 years old and younger.

However, we did not plan it this way, we planned on the children all together. We have a son from Guatemala who will be 3 this July and we had just came home from visiting our second son in Guatemala when we got the call that our oldest son's birthmom had just brought in his bio sibling - a 2 day old baby girl. This threw us in s tailspin, but we knew that this little girl was meant to be ours and a blessing from God, so we accepted her referral. She is three months and one day younger than our son that we just brought home two months ago.

Some people think we are crazy (two babies - three months apart). When I told friends and family - I even had some people ask, "Are you going to stop your current adoption and just take her?" Are you nuts? We just came home from meeting our second son, he was already a part of our family, so off we went to gather a new dossier. Well, our homestudy agency does not approve of adopting two that are less than 6 months apart. What were we supposed to do - not bring home my son's bio sister?? Well, because this was not planned and a special circumstance, they made an exception. (Thank Goodness!!).

My feelings are mixed - I don't want my second son that I just brought home not to be getting the attention that he needs - or our little girl not to get the attention she needs when we bring her home, however, I think the fact that they will have that special bond of being so close in age and growing up together like twins will be just as special.

Also, my first son being able to have that bond with his bio sister is very special to us - I don't think it happens too often. We sincerely feel blessed for all our children and I think as long as they are your priority - they will know it and will grow up knowing that they were our first priority.

Just my thoughts here......

Take Care!

[kwien]

Well, I do not yet have my children...I am still in the very early stages. So my opinion does not have fact...yet.

I am thrilled to hear these other adventures and to see how well things are working out...such LOVELY families!!

My main reason for adopting two at once is so that the children will be able to adjust better...not having any family ties to bring with them, it just makes sense that this other person..living, breathing, warm person will help them in making that connection and in settling into the new home and environment...it will help break things up and keep us from getting TOO focused in on the one...believe me...I was an only child at that can be an issue!!

As to the person posting about mutliples not being their idea of a good family arrangement. Please remember that the world is made up of MANY different types and kinds of families. The very situation of these kids being given up for adoption is in itself less than ideal for the children!! However, they, with love, time and help will mostly all come out adjusted and able to lead happy lives.

To all of you I have to say: just wonderful!! You have really made my day!

--KWien

[hjdeth]

Just to belay some of the fears that may have been raised by Brenda's and Jen's comments...

There has been zero, absolutely no, research that indicates there is any problem directly associated with "artificial twinning", the adoption of 2 children less than 9 months apart in age. This is one of the current "psycho-babble" fads and until there is solid research and studies done, it is nothing other than personal (not professional) opinion, based on limited experience and scope.

Same with adopting "out of birth order".

As for adopting multiple children at once, again there has been no definitive research or studies that indicate that there is a direct correlation between multiple simultaneous adoptions and disruption.

As for every child deserving their parent's "full focus", unless they are a first child that simply isn't reality.

I do have experience with both simultaneous adoption and "artificial twinning". My first 2 unrelated children were adopted together in 2001. Then I adopted another child in 2002 and 2003. My 3 youngest are only 4 months apart so I have "artificial triplets". The kids are all very close and their transitions were eased by having the other kids there.

As for enough quality time...you simply have to have your priorities in line and MAKE the time.

[Paige in FL]

this topic has made me smile.

Adopting two or more at once still has to be an improvement over the child staying in an orphanage or hogar with many, many other children! I'm not saying they don't get wonderful care at many of those, but still, sharing a mommy/daddy with another child or several children is still a step up from sharing a caretaker (that might come and go) with several (or more) others!

[2bouncingboys]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

I am not saying that your children have not been loved. And certainly having other children can be comforting to a child. However, not all children are coming from the same foster home, so they won't necissarily "know each other". In artifial twinning the facts are the children are not biological twins. They do not have a shared experience so the bonds that exist between biological twins do not exist. So the transition to another set of caregivers, a new home and a new country is not necissarily going to be eased by sharing the experience with another child.

The bottom line is that there will be less time for each child when you adopt two at once. That is just a fact.

But you don't think there would be less time for each child if you adopted them two years apart?

It makes no sense... naturally a first (single) child will have more of your time while they are an only child, but as soon as you add subsequent children...

Personally I don't see a problem with it at all. At least if you adopt two children at once, the child immeitiatley has someone to identify with and the whole family can all transition together ONCE (the fewer times everyone has to "transition" the better). There doesn't need to be an immediate bond between the children (bonding takes time) even biological siblings don't always bond right away, be they twins or not.

Adopting two children at once eases enough concern for the whole family that its totally worth it.

[jcksn6]

Reading ALL these comments about simultaneous adoption is very interesting. I don't see that much difference in bringing home 2 adopted children than having 2 children (not twins) born in the same year as is our case. We have 5 bio boys. The first two are 11 mo. apart, the next 2 are 13 mo. apart. Our daughter is only 14 mo. younger than her closest brother. She was 18 mo. old when we brought her home and our toddler son was almost 3. I saw how he showed her everything. He helped make her transition into our family and our world a little bit easier. Without that, she would have had a much harder time. I can only see how bringing home multiple children would be beneficial to all involved. Everyone adjusts together. However, I don't recommend this to parents that have to have order all the time. Chaos is part of having a large family - laughter is too!