[kbs4dws]

We need help! After a failed adoption recently, my DH and I are ready to start the process again. This time through an agency that assisted in the meeting with our previous Birth Mother. We really like our case manager (not sure if that is the correct term) and have a lot of faith in her. She told us we needed to write birth mother letters and create the profile and pic pages but that we needed to make sure we were as culturally diverse as possible and address race. This is because we are interested in an AA or Bi-racial child. But how do I do this?

I keep trying to write this but it either sounds like I am a poser or apologizing for all the wrongs ever done to AA throughout time. I was raised to celebrate people's differences, because our differences are what makes us special. I dated every color God has made and was astonished when I married a CC man. My best girl friend for the past 16 years is black. I love Africa and it is my dream to one day visit Kenya. My friends laff at me because I love the African culture more than most AA. But most important I am going to be a fantastic mom, what ever color my child is and I will celebrate their mind and their skin color. But I need help!

How much of my letter should address it if any? If my case manager hadn't mentioned it I never would have thought about it. I respect people for who they are not what color God made us. Some of my friends who are AA have told me how demeaning it would be for me to even bring up the race. Others say because I will be different, I definitely need to address this.
How did those who have had successful adoptions of children with different skin tones write your letter? Did you address it? How did you address it?

I am so confused and worried I will say the wrong thing. Thank you again for all of your help.

Have a great day!
Kristin

[millie58]

Here's my 2 cents (my adoptions were fost/adopt) and I'm black. However, if I was a birthmom, in the process of finding a family, I would look for:

Do you have friends of color? What's your neighborhood like? What was your childhood like? What's is your current relationship with you and your family members. what's your life like now?

I wouldn't apologize. You're trying to adopt a black child.

[sbaglio]

How about saying all this in pictures, and not so much with words? If you have pics of you, yoru family, and your friends of many races and ethnicities, that would speak much louder (and less awkwardly) than words. If you plan to write about race specifically, I would talk about the fact that you have a diverse group of friends, rather than discuss specifically about the "black" aspects of your life. Maybe discuss some of the ethnic events you've attended.

Best of luck.

[Steph-Jason]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

How about saying all this in pictures, and not so much with words? If you have pics of you, yoru family, and your friends of many races and ethnicities, that would speak much louder (and less awkwardly) than words. If you plan to write about race specifically, I would talk about the fact that you have a diverse group of friends, rather than discuss specifically about the "black" aspects of your life. Maybe discuss some of the ethnic events you've attended.

Best of luck.

I like this about the pictures. I think that speaks louder than words. Anyone can say that they are open to diversity & embrace it but to actually show it would probably mean alot.

[nickchris]

First and foremost how you are as a person, your spouse/partner, your views on raising a child in general. I agree, I would combine both what Millie58 and Sbaglio recommended. Not too over the top. I hated writing those letters, lol but I stayed true to who I/we are. Best wishes.

[kbs4dws]

Thank you so much for the suggestions and encouragement. I knew you all would be able to help me. I guess I am very sensitive to the subject which is good but sometimes it gets me too riled up and I can't focus on the most important part. Being a great mom to a child.

Why didn't I think about the pics??? DUHHH! That is a Fantastic Idea! I must admit I am not the best at documenting our life through film but I will see what I can find.

Many, many, gracious thanks to you all!

Kristin