[Missymonkey]

So I grew up in white small town Wisconsin. I don't know much about the AA culture.

I was talking about my future fro-baby (afro) and apparently that wasn't a smart thing to say. I didn't know, what can I say. I know that the "n" word is bad but that's about where it ends for me.

Can you please share from your experience the do's and don't's of raising an AA child. I need to wisen up.

Missy

[Celesyee]

The term you used or any other terms describing ANY baby by their color or hair texture is definitely a big NO-NO! IMO children should be treated as individuals and learn to see themselves past their skin color, hair texture, and physical appearances. Instead, I think they should be raised to take pride in such.

Your timeline shows you're taking adoption classes... Did or will they discuss transracial adoption? If not, I suggest you consult with your agency about referrals for some classes, books, or online resources about transracial adoption.

Are you specifically hoping to adopt an AA child? If so, I suggest you look for community resources in your area that can help your child maintain cultural and ethnic ties.

Also, now would be a good time to begin learning how the basic skin and hair care techniques and needs for an AA infant. Though you'll probably still end up trying many different products throughout your child's life.

Best of Luck!

[crick]

I would think with your degree in early childhood education, a minor in child sociology and a career in teaching, you would know that terms like that are unacceptable? I have a hard time believing this type of discussion regarding race, kids etc. wouldn't be covered in some way in your education - even if you attended the whitest school out there.

Sounds confusing to me...

[Celesyee]

I have to disagree with you Crick. Having been born/raised in San Francisco and now living in Hawai'i I have and still come across way TOO many professionals (teachers, social workers, medical professionals) that use inappropriate terms regarding race, class, lifestyle, etc.

[Jensboys]

Missy Monkey -- if that is seriously how far you are behind the learning curve, I would suggest NOT fostering or adoptive transracially. Your children will need you to be advocates to them, sensitive to the nuances of prejudice and racism. You need to be aware, and have come to terms with your own privilege that comes with being white. Actually -that's my first suggestion ... start THERE. Google white privilege and start reading.

Its really sad that you have managed to reach adulthood and never thought these issues through before, but its never too late. Start NOW - even if you never foster or adopt a child of color.

[MamaS]

Crick: This time you are wrong. When I was adopting Hispanic children were regularly (and affectionately!) referred to as Frito Banditos and Taco Belles.
Before someone blows up, I NEVER referred to my girls as TBs. But I did nickname them Pumpkin and Fritter.
I never heard the term Fro Baby but I did hear Cocoa Puff which meant the same thing. Wonder why so many terms of affection involve food?

[crick]

Sorry, I stand by my opinion. An educator, especially in early childhood training and SOCIOLOGY?

(of course professionals are not perfect and can be racist. That isn't my point here at all. Actually saying "Fro Baby" and not "knowing" that other than the n word, there are other unacceptable terms?)

[mommysomeday]

i'm sorry, but "fro-baby" gave me a visceral reaction...

really, that didn't sound insensitive to you?

[Celesyee]

Originally Posted by crick

Sorry, I stand by my opinion. An educator, especially in early childhood training and SOCIOLOGY?

(of course professionals are not perfect and can be racist. That isn't my point here at all. Actually saying "Fro Baby" and not "knowing" that other than the n word, there are other unacceptable terms?)

I totally agree that "fro baby" is totally unacceptable and ignorant, but when I first attended college (at San Francisco State University) my primary major was Sociology. Despite the fact that the school itself is very diverse, all the Sociology professors and almost all the Sociology students were CC and had totally different perspectives on racial issues. I often left classes feeling upset and discriminated against...hence, my secondary major in Asian American Studies.

Also, I've discovered that PC will vary on geographic location. I was raised with the notion that the term "oriental" is very deragatory, but here in Hawai'i (despite the large Asian population) it is still acceptable to use. I cringe every time somebody refers to me as being "oriental."

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by crick

Sorry, I stand by my opinion. An educator, especially in early childhood training and SOCIOLOGY?

(of course professionals are not perfect and can be racist. That isn't my point here at all. Actually saying "Fro Baby" and not "knowing" that other than the n word, there are other unacceptable terms?)

I didn't say it wasn't insensitive. I said there were lots of "educated" people who would use a term like that and not realize it was insensitive. For example the "Frito Bandito" was a commercial icon until Hispanic-Americans objected that it portrayed Hispanics as lazy thieves. An entire national food company, advertising agency, and major TV stations ran those ads and never noticed they were derogatory until the complaints started coming. Sometimes it takes getting "whomped" with a stick to jumpstart a brain!

[Sleeplvr]

I'm with Crick on this one...

Now I've got a question... Missy what is the reason for your screen name? Just asking... I just haven't seen a anyone on the forums who is planning on adopting an AA child with "monkey" as a user name. That is a little too uncomfortable me especially when you add in the "fro baby" thing.

[bethy724]

I think the OP should hold off on fostering/adopting a baby other than CC if she knows she may inflict unintentional emotional stress by not being aware that "fro-baby" is a disgusting, despicable term....if you need to be told that you really need to put adopting or fostering off. Just typing the term made me sick. A person can have all the degrees in the world & still be ignorant. "Educated" people don't have a free pass claiming ignorance-an un-educated person at least has some excuse.

I live in TX & never heard the term "wet-back" before but when it was said I knew it wasn't nice, called the person out on it & never repeated it claiming ignorance. If you can't see that taking a persons features to describe them is disgusting I'm not sure where you should start your journey.

In short - when a person is described by their hair texture, skin color, type of food their culture may eat it is unacceptable & inhumane. There is so much more to a person than their color-try to dig deep & see it.

[Missymonkey]

The question I asked pertained to things not taught in school. The teacher never stood up in class and said, "this is a racial slur, ect." Yes I did have classes which talked about teaching a diverse population. But we were taught how to teach children, not CC kids and AA kids.

I was called freckle face, chicken legs and Missy Mouse because of my different qualities. The only time I was offended was when it was said in a mocking or mean way. THese are all personal qualities that I accept about myself and actually like because they make me an individual.

Monkey is in my name because I was a climber when I was little and my dad called me his little monkey. That's all.

I care enough about my future child to address these issues. I have several books on the topic, have connected with some adopted AA children by CC parents.

Unfortunatly I won't be posting here anymore. I came to ask for advice and though I may not have worded it well I was hoping for a positive discussion. Instead I feel that I'm being attacked. This was everyone's opportunity to help a person out, give them a new perspective, discuss a tricky situation.

Missy

[crick]

If you are truly sincere, then by all means, stay and learn of things you'll need to know to raise an AA child or any child of a different race than you. If people really believe you to be sincere and honest, they might help you.

My perspective as an administrator is often different than some here as my job calls for that. If I'm allowing my own personal experience of growing up in a very white area, white school, white college and still learning what I consider to be "common sense" and basic things about the human race to cloud my duties as an administrator then I'll revisit that. Meaning, If I'm proven wrong, I'll be the first to admit it.

[heart_string]

Originally Posted by Missymonkey

The question I asked pertained to things not taught in school. The teacher never stood up in class and said, "this is a racial slur, ect." Yes I did have classes which talked about teaching a diverse population. But we were taught how to teach children, not CC kids and AA kids.

I was called freckle face, chicken legs and Missy Mouse because of my different qualities. The only time I was offended was when it was said in a mocking or mean way. THese are all personal qualities that I accept about myself and actually like because they make me an individual.

Monkey is in my name because I was a climber when I was little and my dad called me his little monkey. That's all.

I care enough about my future child to address these issues. I have several books on the topic, have connected with some adopted AA children by CC parents.

Unfortunatly I won't be posting here anymore. I came to ask for advice and though I may not have worded it well I was hoping for a positive discussion. Instead I feel that I'm being attacked. This was everyone's opportunity to help a person out, give them a new perspective, discuss a tricky situation.

Missy

Why run away? You're getting good solid advice, and the education that you hoped you'd get when you asked your question, right?

Honestly, I hope you don't adopt ANY child, CC, AA, Hispanic - NONE - until you get educated. I'll give you credit for even asking the question, but I cannot believe that in this day and time, with the internet, satellite TV, and all of your supposed learning in the education field you would think it ok to use that disgusting 'f-baby' to anyone, anywhere.

(Lord have mercy, I hope this is a troll).