[iloveadoption]

We have just started the adoption process again. We have 2 bio children and 1 adopted child and we are now adopting again.

I just had my preliminary phone consultation with the adoption agency and they ask me if I would be open to other races. I said sure and then she went on to tell me about a AA birthmom that was having twins that still needed birth parents. I'm trying not to get two excited but I can't help it.

Here is my questions we are cc and so are our children and how would that effect the child as he/she grows up? To me I am totally open to it but then a friend asked me how would the child feel and it kinda got me thinking. Would love to hear others experience and opinions on this. Thanks so much

[laughterkt]

We are CC and adopted an AA baby girl in January. We too have thought long and hard and prayed a lot about the best way to handle situations that will surely arise. But we know that the more we learn and are honest and open with her, then we will just take things as they come.
Katie

[rredhead]

There are a lot of resources regarding parenting black children. I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla is my favorite one thus far.
If you're open, then the best thing you can do is to make sure that the child(ren) see successful black people - the famous ones, but also ones in your community. Music is a huge part of black culture, and we have collections of jazz, Motown, etc. that we play for Jack instead of all the children's music. There's a great series called Baby Loves Jazz. Jack loves it!
There are a number of studies that have proven that black children fare just as well or better in white adoptive families as they do in black families. You might check out the Evan B. Donaldson Institute for more information.
I hope this helps!

[BethanyB]

I think you can successfully raise an AA child if you are aware of how much you need to put into it to make your child feel secure and comfortable in his or her own skin.

Many people say that color does not matter but it matters to many in our society so love is not exactly enough. You need to be prepared to teach your children about black history and culture. You also need to be prepared to teach him or her about racism as well as preparing yourself to deal with it as it happens.

I'm CC and my two kids are AA. I love them dearly but learn more and more each day about how our world works and how I can be a better mom to them.

rredhead, as far as AA kids doing just as well or better in white homes, I would have to disagree with the better part. I'm not sure how an AA child would do better in a white home. I think an AA child can do really well as long as the parents work at it. I do think it's a bit harder because our kids won't see people who look like them and have experienced what they have on a day to day basis. But I think it can be done well.

[rredhead]

Originally Posted by BethanyB

rredhead, as far as AA kids doing just as well or better in white homes, I would have to disagree with the better part. I'm not sure how an AA child would do better in a white home. I think an AA child can do really well as long as the parents work at it. I do think it's a bit harder because our kids won't see people who look like them and have experienced what they have on a day to day basis. But I think it can be done well.

It's not my opinion that do as well or better, it's been established in many studies.
Now, if a black household and a white with black children household are essentially the same in environmental factors (education, income, family composition), I don't know what the results are or would be. Most of the studies seem to use questionnaires or criteria such as IQ score, level of education attained by the adopted children, etc. to make their determinations.
Also, my son does see people who look like him all the time. In books, at day care, at the grocery store, in our extended family, in his birth family, etc. We as parents don't look like him, but we do our best to surround him with a diverse environment.

[BethanyB]

Can you show us results for the study and how they choose the people to use for the study.

I can't believe an actual study found that black kids do BETTER with white families. It actually sounds kinda horrible. Why wouldn't black parents not be able to do as good a job? Especially when they will be able to walk in their child's shoes as a group of people who face discrimination.

I'm not saying that CC families can't raise black children successfully, because I am doing it. But even I admit that I need LOTS of advice from black people and that it will be MORE of a struggle for me because I will never truly know what it is like to be black in this country although I have a pretty good idea. I think we have to work extra hard at helping our kids to have good self worth.

Imagine how a black mother would feel reading this article, that a CC couple could do a BETTER job than they could.

[Vogi2002]

Have you talked to your other children about this? If not I would HIGHLY recomend having a very candid conversation, including warning them of any racism that can come with adopting outside of your race.

Other than that I would say the key to raising a healthy, happy AA child is to be aware of their feelings. Read books, talk to MANY AA people. Be sure that they have plenty of happy healthy AA role models growing up, and teach them about thier culture. Most of all, be sure that you are prepared to deal with your own personal racism (which most people have in some way), other's racism towards you, and your kids facing racism.

You CAN raise a confident healthy happy child in an transracial family!! Good luck!

[Linny]

I suspect the 'better' part of any study in this case, would involve a lot of environmental issues, KWIM? I couldn't argue that any child from the foster care system would more than likely do better in an adoptive home...given the reasons the child was IN foster care to begin with....

As far as dealing with bringing an AA child/infant into your home...here's my take:

We've already rasied two babies to adulthood who are Asian. We adopted them while living overseas. It was very important to us to have more than one child of any particular 'skin tone' (I don't like saying 'race', because there's only one race, KWIM?). That said, while the agency encouraged us to adopt a CC baby the second time around, we refused for more than that reason, but that was the main reason. We wanted our kids to share some common thread in their lives.

I agree with the poster/s that said you ought to have a frank discussion with your other children. Bringing an AA baby/babies into your home will forever change your family and make it a transracial family.

I do believe some families try wayyyyyy to hard to 'make their family so cultural sensitive'....they sometimes forget there are a lot of similarities too. (We actually did this with our first two.) Also, that 'cultural' issue varies greatly in my book.
We have three AA children in our family now. All adopted as babies, private adoptions. Do I choose the 'culture' of rap, ghetto, talk in inner-city slang, arrange their hair in specific ways, etc.......those things to us aren't 'culture' at all...but environmental issues.
We would choose diversity in school, church, living in general. We would choose education, discernment over any aspect in their lives whether it's positive or negative; and, we'd choose to tell them that 'just because something seems popular for the day, doesn't mean it'll stay in the test of time. We encourage AA history in homeschooling; watching for discrimination in the media---including stereotypes (ahhh, don't get me started)....and what they might expect when they're out in the world and on their own. (The list goes on...)

My (technically) step-mom is AA. We are very close. I've discussed this with her. She agrees that too many think they can desribe what AA 'culture' is, when in fact, it's so varied. (Actually, we've seen this very thing in our own family...)

The main thing is realizing that there'll be racial comments...either up front, or behind your back in many places. Raising up your entire family to be proud of being transracial...... giving intelligent answers when others ask stupid questions, and living what you believe, are paramount.

Other than that, we personally believe that if you're planning to adopt---one AA child---it's good to adopt another AA child. But that's just us.

I wish you well, and good luck! (Twins would be wonderful, wouldn't they? )

Sincerely,

Linny

[sbaglio]

Very insightful comments, Linny.

[BethanyB]

I suspect the 'better' part of any study in this case, would involve a lot of environmental issues, KWIM? I couldn't argue that any child from the foster care system would more than likely do better in an adoptive home...given the reasons the child was IN foster care to begin with....

I would agree with that Linny but rredhead said:

There are a number of studies that have proven that black children fare just as well or better in white adoptive families as they do in black families.

She did not say black foster children. Just black adopted children. Is this study specifically about foster children who were adopted from the system? And if so, why would they not do well in black fost/adopt homes?

I will have to look up this study tonight when the kiddos are in bed.

[Linny]

Maybe I should have phrased my comments better. I didn't mean that those studies were pertaining specifically to 'foster' children. What I meant (and didn't say well) were that if one was to consider that any adopted AA child, came from an environment that was less than desirable (by someone's standards...who knows what the study was meaning)........then being put, say into a home that was environmentally healthier, would make any study say what it did, KWIM?

I know that some of the AA situations I'm aware of, had the baby grown up in those environments, they wouldn't have fared well. (Drug use, etc). See what I mean and didn't express very well?

Sincerely,

Linny

[Sleeplvr]

So wouldn't the child do equally well in an AA home with better environmental factors? I think the study results are being misinterpreted because otherwise I shouldn't be raising the kids I've adopted because supposedly they would be better off in a CC home. KWIM? If it's better than no home I can see that but a blanket better than an AA home is false and I would really like to see how a study came up with those numbers. AA adoptive parents are kind of hard to round up in numbers outside foster care adoptions so I wonder about the demographics used in the study.

[Jensboys]

The only study I have seen that stated something along these lines (and I am the white mom of two black sons, and two white sons) was referring to the fact that TRANSRACIAL adoptees (no matter race of child/parents) tend to process ADOPTION INFORMATION better than non-transracially adopted children. Meaning, because it is so obvious to everyone the minute they step out of the door, they have been forced to process being adopted at a much younger age than a same race adoptee who often faces those issues in the teen years.

The long term prognosis for transracial adoptees as far as self awareness/adoption understanding was high (marginally) than same race adoptees.

and it was an old study -- before we adopted 9 years ago.

[BethanyB]

I agree with Sleep, it just does not make sense to me. Even if it is what you described it Linny about AA children coming from poor home environments (even though we know that there are AA woman who live good lives but place children for adoption for the same reasons white woman do) why would the study say that the children do as well or BETTER in CC homes? What does the race of the adoptive couple have to do with it? I'm just still confused as to what these "studies" have truly proven.

[kakuehl]

To return to the OP. My daughter's son is biracial; she and AJ's AA dad have split up so AJ is most often seen with his very CC mother. Frankly, in this country it's often difficult to tell the difference between AA and BR children because unlike Korean and Japanese cultures, very few of us are "pure". Could you successfully raise these twins? Why not. There will always be issues unique to each adoption. I think, for example, that one of my bson's mom's concerns when D and I connected was that her older daughter was adopted from Korea and the likelihood of her finding her birthparents is not high.

What does the rest of your family think of the idea?