[KarynB]

Yup, thanks Aclee - that's what I meant! Sorry for the confusion...

[adopting_again]

Our BR adoption went very quickly last year. We completed our home study May 06 and Lil was placed with us Aug. 06. We are just completing our HS this time around (Dec 07) for another BR and have been told we would probably have a baby in arms early spring 08. I was also told on Wednesday that there are currently babies who have not been placed simply because they are full AA, so they remain in the system. Our agency doesn't allow for choice of gender. For a few weeks we have been considering a full AA child, but have not quite decided. Time will tell. Good luck.
Melanie

[KarynB]

adopting_again: Ok - I have to ask this and I'm sorry if it is rude but I just don't understand - how could you be ok with accpeting a biracial child but not a full African American? I really don't get it....

[adopt2010]

Originally Posted by KarynB

adopting_again: Ok - I have to ask this and I'm sorry if it is rude but I just don't understand - how could you be ok with accpeting a biracial child but not a full African American? I really don't get it....

I have to agree with Karyn B, I don't get it either. What's the difference?

[MamaS]

Many biracial children have fine features, lighter skin, straighter hair etc. They don't look "black or AA" so they are considered more attractive and are more accepted by the white family/community they are adopted into. Even among AA families there are those who think that lighter is better. If you look at our Hollywood "role models" many of the "black" actresses considered most beautiful are actually bi-racial.
Please do not flame! I am not supporting this attitude, just answering your question.

[Juliana13]

Everyone has to go with what they are comfortable with. And it often has nothing to do with prejudice. It has to do with your praparedness to raise that particular child. My husband, for example, feels strongly that our children should be at leat half caucasian, so he can feel like they have that in common. He doesn't care what the other half is. I kind of understand... I asked him why, and he said so they'd at least share a race, have that genetically in common. I kind of laughed and said, even though your other children look just like you, you DO understand that there is ZERO genetic cominality, right? I don't feel the same, but understand that you have to go with what you are comfortable with, in fairness to yourself, the birthfamily and most importantly, the child. Even if it makes no sense, if you are not sure about accepting a situation, (a race, a particular piece of history, a disability, etc.) you have to be honest with yourself, out of fairness to the child.

Just my thoughts.

[lilraskels]

Yes, this is very true. I know that even when we fostered the homes to take aa babies were hard to find. I never cared the race that came to me I loved them all the same. And learned. It makes me sick that people that do foster care will not take a child do to race. And on the same hand I rather them be pickey if they will not treat the child right. There are many statistics on just this if you search the internet. I am in a juvenile justice class and have come across many of them myself that leave me very angry. Every child reguardless of thier race needs love.....

[KarynB]

Yes, but if you are "prepared" to raise a biracial child - wouldn't you therefore be prepared to raise a black child? I do agree that we have to be comfortable with our decisions in adoption - I just don't see a seperation here. The reality is that many full black children are light skinned etc while some biracial kids are very dark and take on full features of a AA baby. What happens then?

MamaS - I won't flame you, I agree about the Hollywood comparison - but just because your child may "look" white or close to it, you still have to raise that child to have pride in the black community, and themselves as a child of colour - I hope this doesn't mean that some parents of biracial children just "pretend" the blackness isn't there.

Also, I would think it almost harder to raise a biracial child as most of the books etc I've read - they often feel so torn between both their worlds. They never feel like they are "white" nor do they feel "black".

[lilraskels]

The hardest thing was society. I wanted to poke everyones eyes out sometimes. It was then I realized that society needs to be educated again.
I do understand it is VERY important for every child in a biracial situation of living condictions to be fimiluar with their own culture. In our case it was so important to love them and show them what it was like to be a family. The nine year old wanted to stay and be adopted by us. He did not understand that was not CPS plan for him. He cried when he had to leave. His 18 month old brother was just a loving little boy. I still think about them to this day. Such a treasure to us.

[adopt2010]

not trying to flame just wanted to understand the difference that's all.

[aclee]

We personally are accepting of a ful AA infant, and that is likely what we'll get. I CAN see how people would be more open to BR over AA though. My husband and I are concerned regarding the views that AA adults will have regarding how we raise our children. With a full AA child, I think there is more concern (at least there was for us) about if we could expose the child to "enough" of their culture, ideals, belief systems over/including/vs ours. I think many people are more comfortble/confident raising a BR child because they feel they can do both and not have as much worry (concern maybe?) that the child isn't getting enough African culture, or enough AA adults, influence, contact etc in their lives. If they only have a few friends, or contacts in their lives that are AA, or biracial, they feel that is enough without having to additionally seek out as many resources etc etc that are AA. That is a concern that my husband and I had at least. How "much" we could find I guess for resources, and if that was "enough" to support and AA child. Could we find "enough" to support and encourage an AA child? I think in general people think if they have "less" culturally to offer, a BR child might bea better choice than an a AA...

Does any of that make any sense? It was really hard to put into words even when my husband and I were talking about it, but I feel like I'm talking in circle trying to write it. For us the choice was not racial/skin colored in any way, it was more what we felt we could best support.

[loveajax]

To be honest, I felt more comfortable adopting a biracial child because my best friend is biracial. Biracial kids DO have different "issues" than AA kids sometimes because of the difficulties they may experience feeling they fully "belong." I honestly had no idea what my DD's skin or hair would look like when we matched (hadn't even met the birth parents in person). I have gotten "reprimanded" for saying this, but since we are in an OA, it also has been somewhat "easier" for me that DD's birth mom and I look very similar (share a similar ethnic b/g). I do not shy away from DD being black (in fact, yesterday she proudly announced, "I have black skin!"). I am proud of all of who she is....frankly to me it's the ultimate sign of "racial acceptance" to realize that black and white people can fall in love, have sex and have a baby. I think if we adopt again, I would specify that we want another biracial child. It's just our "preference" at this point. Maybe I should feel "apologetic" about it, but I don't.

[KarynB]

I guess I just really feel that if anyone decides to adopt transracially they really need to examine their motivations. And if there is a race/gender/ethnicity you are not "comfortable with" you really need to ask yourself some tough questions. Why do I feel that away about that race, etc? Is this what society says or do I really feel this way?

The reality is that there is a lot of racism and prejudism in adoption - both domestic and international. I just finished writing a paper on this for a politics class - and the price system says it all. $30-40,000 for Eastern Europe, $20,000 or under for Caribbean or Africa - hmm...it's gotta make you stop and think. And the price system exists for domestic adoptions as well. The darker the skin, the lower the price. Very sad, but a reality. Someone on this forum just posted an article about this called "Baby Trade" - have a look if you aren't sure about the truth of this.

So, if you are adopting biracially because you feel like you have tons of experience, community etc to offer the child that is one thing, but entirely another if you are not comfortable with full AA. In my opinion, of course.

[amyfk]

I was reading the conversation and I have to state that I didnt adopt a biracial nor an AA child.
However, it's good to discuss why some folks would prefer biracial over full AA, but I dont feel that any family has to justify to anyone else(even their own relatives) why they chose a specific type of adoption racially, and domestic vs. international.
Just as bio families have several kids-they dont have to explain to anyone why they chose to have bio kids and how many children they wanted. It's an individual choice and a personal matter in my opinion.
Amy K, NJ

[sbaglio]

I thought I'd weigh in on this thread. I agree with the notion that whatever someone's choice about how they wish to create their family, it should be respected. It is really not up to others to begrudge people who are comfortable adopting biracial children, but not AA children, because you are not living their lives. They are. This may not be comprehensible to some, but not all of our choices need to be understood by everyone. I fear that in saying we are "adopting transracially", we are pitting CC against all else, and this is a bit prejudiced in itself, in my opinion, as if the standard race one should look to for comparisons is CC. There are situations like ours, where we are an interracial couple, and adopting biracially simply makes the most sense to us. I feel that by saying AA is the same as biracial, we are living by society's standards in defining ourselves, rather than by our own.