[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

Can I ask you why you have your heart set on a bi-racial or AA child? If there is diversity in your area, maybe you could write about how you see integrating race issues into the child's upbringing.

Probably because the wait is usually shorter for AA and biracial children, and that may look very desirable to adoptive parents, who have often been waiting very long to be parents already. It was certainly an added bonus in our situation, although we had lots of other factors at work in our decision to actively seek an AA baby.

[anivan]

We were drawn to AA/bi-racial by the fact that there are so many more out there that need homes. Shorter wait time. This is going to sound bad no matter how I say it, but the agency I work with also charges less for Bi-racial/AA and it was the only way we could afford to adopt. I have bi-racial kids in my family so this is something I am comfortable with and so is my family. Does that make me a terrible person?

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by anivan

We were drawn to AA/bi-racial by the fact that there are so many more out there that need homes. Shorter wait time. This is going to sound bad no matter how I say it, but the agency I work with also charges less for Bi-racial/AA and it was the only way we could afford to adopt. I have bi-racial kids in my family so this is something I am comfortable with and so is my family. Does that make me a terrible person?

No, it doesn't. In fact, it sounds just like our reasons. Our agency also charges less fees for AA and biracial placements, and even their fees were right at the top of what we could afford. The suddenness of the trip to get Yuna (we were quoted a wait time of 6-9 months, expected to be able to use that time to save up money for the trip as well as part of the agency fees... imagine our SHOCK when we were called 2 months in and told to get there the next day.) Needless to say we wound up having to borrow against our house and use credit cards for MUCH more of the fees than we had hoped. We will be digging out slowly from that for the next several years more than likely, and it has made it extremely unlikely that we will be able to adopt again for quite some time.

We are very grateful and blessed to have Yuna, and you will feel the same way about your child, I'm sure. Please don't let anyone second-guess YOUR decision. It is, after all, YOURS, not theirs.

[anivan]

Thank you for that. I hate saying it, but cost is a concern for us. We want to be able to afford to raise a child after we get one. It certainly wasn't the only reason we chose bi-racial/AA, but it did contribute. We put a lot of thought into this and thought about how this child may feel in the future if he/she ends up being the only person of color in our town. This is probably really naive, but I feel like any negativity will be outweighed by the great life we're going to try to give this child. I know I sound like an idiot, but that's how I feel.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by anivan

We were drawn to AA/bi-racial by the fact that there are so many more out there that need homes. Shorter wait time. This is going to sound bad no matter how I say it, but the agency I work with also charges less for Bi-racial/AA and it was the only way we could afford to adopt. I have bi-racial kids in my family so this is something I am comfortable with and so is my family. Does that make me a terrible person?

That does not make you a terrible person. However you really need to examine the needs of a transracial adoptee and evaluate whether or not you are in an area that is open to families of color. I do not doubt your ability to love a child unconditionally, but families do not live in a vacumn and it is so important to look at what your community has to offer as well.

There are some great books on transracial adoption. I would also talk to transracial adoptees in you area if you can. Look for a support group in your area if you need to.

[anivan]

Thanks for the advice. These are definitely things I have thought about. We didn't just wake up and decide that we wanted a bi-racial/AA baby without any thought about the effect on the child being a minority in a small community.

We do live in a small community, but we live about 10 miles from a much larger city and I work at the largest university in the state. Lots of cultural events and diversity nearby.

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by anivan

Thanks for the advice. These are definitely things I have thought about. We didn't just wake up and decide that we wanted a bi-racial/AA baby without any thought about the effect on the child being a minority in a small community.

We do live in a small community, but we live about 10 miles from a much larger city and I work at the largest university in the state. Lots of cultural events and diversity nearby.

This is a very similar situation to ours -- we also live in a small community, but I attend a large university nearby where there is a lot of diversity. Also, we live very near a large military base, which adds lots of AA and other races of people to our area. While Yuna will be one of only a few in our immediate community, only a few miles away is a great amount of diversity. I'd actually (maybe) like to move to the city where the university is but we can't afford it right now. I'm hoping maybe by the time Yuna starts school we will be in better shape financially and able to at least contemplate moving.

[anivan]

I just realized that I sounded a little testy and defensive in that last post. I don't mean to sound that way. I just want everyone to understand that we put a lot of thought into this.

You & I seem to have a lot in common! Yuna is absolutely gorgeous, by the way! Congratulations to you! ~Ann

[Vogi2002]

Ann - that's okay, it gets hard to defend your decision all the time (which it does seem like I have to do sometimes). You'll be a great mommy!! Good luck to you!!

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by anivan

I just realized that I sounded a little testy and defensive in that last post. I don't mean to sound that way. I just want everyone to understand that we put a lot of thought into this.

You & I seem to have a lot in common! Yuna is absolutely gorgeous, by the way! Congratulations to you! ~Ann

It's easy to get defensive when you're going through something as emotional as adopting, especially when you feel your motives are being questioned. Been there, done that, understand. *hugs*

[anivan]

You guys are great!! Thanks very much for the support!!

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by anivan

We do live in a small community, but we live about 10 miles from a much larger city and I work at the largest university in the state. Lots of cultural events and diversity nearby.

Then maybe that just needs to be reflected more in your profile. Like you SW was suggesting. It could be that that's not coming across.

[anivan]

thanks for the insight.

[traceyk]

I hear you with the short wait time. We were pretty srprised when we got the call within 2 weeks to get on a plane. We had all our ducks in a row luckily. I had the nursery complete before homestudy, even though we co-sleep (still do).