[jiterbug]

Hi everyone I'm new here and I would like your opinion on something. I am 39yo and my husband is 45yo. We have two children adopted internationally (4&5yo). I am a college student and my husband is a Pastor and construction worker. We are white, not rich and we are wanting to adopt an African American child. We can't do this right away because we are still recovering financially, physically, and emotionally from our last adoption. We would like to do this in the next couple of years though. Do you think a birth mother would be interested in an older couple who wants to keep the adoption pretty closed? We would want her to look at our profile, we would also agree to updates after placement but we are not comfortable with talking on the phone a lot and visits after placement. We really are gun shy after we had a sibling group about 10 years ago and the birth mother took them back after having them for 9 mos. What do you think our chances are? Be honest and let me have it!
jiterbug

[Linny]

I'll say with a big smile......that I think you have an excellent chance of having a birthmother choose you as a family! I understand completely the idea of not wanting a very open adoption....and there ARE birthparents out there that do not want open or very open arrangements after the placement of their child. (Don't let agencies discourage you on this one....it IS done, and there ARE agencies who support this choice by the birthfamilies and adoptive couples...we are living proof of that.)

Keep saving and hoping......and give yourself credit! Some birthparents will choose an older couple based on the fact that they ARE older....often more experienced, more financially stable and eager to have a newborn in their family.
(Also check the 'over forty' forum. You'd be surprised how many of us are WELL over forty and have newborns! )
Best of luck to you and your family!

Sincerely,

Linny

[DianeScraps]

I think you are a great choice - and would also recommend you check into adopting through the state, it's easier on the pocket too.

best wishes

Diane

[missw005]

Originally Posted by DianeScraps

I think you are a great choice - and would also recommend you check into adopting through the state, it's easier on the pocket too.

I'm not sure if you know, but most kids in the U.S. are considered special needs simply because they are AA/biracial. The adoptions are low- or no-cost, plus most kids come with a small monthly stipend as well as (thank goodness) their own health insurance! And with your history, they're also usually legally free (no bmoms taking them back!)
There are lots of kids out there! And if you're willing to adopt a sibling group...there are some gorgeous ones on the CA website. I sure wish I could take 3!!!
You should try looking on...
(excuse the lack of www. for some reason if you put that the forum deletes the name of the website.)
comeunity.com
Then go to Special Needs Adoption (blue box on lower left side)
Then go to List of Photolistings
Then pick your states!
If you're looking for young kids (under 5) try NWAE, US Waiting Kids, Mid. Adop. Exch. as well as CA Kids, Texas, Ohio, PA, and FL.
Good luck!
PM me if you need more info.

Sandy
Proud adoptive mama of
J, 6, AA, home at 2-1/2 from NJ in 2001
Q, 3, AA, home at 1-1/2 from OR in 2003

[adopt3boyz]

Hello! My husband and I are 46 and 47. We just adopted our 4th child and the birthmother picked us. We did meet her, but outside of pictures and letters through out the years that is all the contact she wants. Good Luck!

[DebCsMom]

When we adopted our last child 19 months ago, I was 40 years old & my husband was almost 39. We are a white couple with 2 bio children. We have adopted 3 children, 1 biracial & 2 african american.

When we began the process in summer of 2003, we were worried if we'd get picked. We have a large family, at the time we had a another teenager we had guardianship of & an exchange student. We were worried that we'd be "too old" or "too big a family". It took us just a couple weeks to get matched & our son was in our arms a few weeks later.

The reason she chose us......we were older & had LOTS of experience with raising children!!!!! Along with other things, too. When I shared those fears with her later she laughed at me! LOL She told me those are some of the things she really liked about us.

Don't get discouraged. If the situation is right, it'll happen. It happens alot more than you think!!!!

Deb

[kmh112960]

Linny, Hi! I was wondering where the over 40 forum is. We are 44 and 45 and have our 2 year old (she came to us at 3 months). Also have 19, 20, 22 and 25 year old sons. I want one more, a sister for our daughter. Would love to see the over 40 forum! Thanks!
Kathy