[loveforolivia]

My husband, myself and our bioligical daughter live in Denver and are in the adoption process. We got a call a week ago from our sw about adopting a baby girl that is 3/4 black and 1/4 white. We met with the birthparents (who are very young and the birthmothers parents, who are white and adopted her when she was six.) We are not very familiar with the black culture on a personal level, live in a neighborhood that is mostly caucasion (3-4 black families) and are concerned about what it would be like for this little girl. We have been doing nothing but praying and discussing this for the past week. We are looking for clarity and wisdom in making this decision and would appreciate any and all comments.
Thanks in advance.

[Linny]

While I think you are to be commended for considering all aspects of the neighborhood for a possible placement.......please be sure that you are not thinking too hard.....or forget to search your own heart in this matter as well.

It is true that your family will have to go extra lengths in adopting transracially. But, it greatly depends on what 'the AA culture is' to you or your community. I say this, because some families assume that AA culture is what they see in the media. I can assure you that many AA individuals would argue some of these ridiculous stigmas.

I would also think that you should ask your own hearts if you are a very strong family who can withstand some of the prejudices from both sides when bringing home a child who is of a different race than your own. We live in the country......with few neighbors-period. A few miles away, are two college towns....where we attend church, shop, etc. We already know that our child will not be in the majority of the population. However, it will be those 'extra efforts' we take that will help our baby become aware of who she is, who she may not want to be like (regardless of color), and which 'culture' she chooses. Certainly, living in the country on a farm, will place her in a different lifestyle than living in the middle of a city. But will her growing up with us give her opportunity to have a wonderful upbringing and choose whatever culture and lifestyle she prefers? We think so, and obviously, so did her birthmother---who could have chosen same race individuals for her baby....but didn't.

We have already raised two children who were adopted from other countries and certainly are not the same race as we. They don't feel slighted by not having been raised in a family who was the same race as their own. And they certainly have chosen not to identify with assumed characteristics of their 'skin race'. They have chosen to be individuals....and I assure you that they are outstanding adults in their personalities and professions.

Check out the video, Born Within My Heart (Barbara Walters special). It gives a good account of this from grown adoptees.


Hope this helps....


Sincerely,

Linny