[debsdone]

Is there a "private" support group for adoptees anywhere? I believe that all the "moms" have private groups where they can drop their guards a bit, what about us? There are some days the all the "walking on eggshells" just doesn't cut it! Any suggestions? Thanks, Debi

[neo_gurl]

This is so cool I didnt know that there wuz people like me anywere, what is a support group? can I find one? I am only fourteen but it would be cool to know about my adoption my mom wont tell me nuthin.

[A_mothers_love]

Yes there are allot, what area are you in and I will try to find you them
Hugs
melissa

[debsdone]

I am in California. I was thinking online stuff. I don't want to actually GO anywhere, lol. Well maybe..........Thanks, Debi

[A_mothers_love]

This one is a search site but has a small forum
http://www.vitalsearch-ca.com/

This one is Pasedina based (sorry for the spelling) and has quite a bit of info and support for adoptee's only
http://www.adopteesupport.com/links.html
Bastard nation is an EXCELLENT adoptee support group here is the main link for California
http://bastards.org/activism/local/ca/
This one is actually connected to this forum but I believe it is only for adoptees
http://www.adoptees.com/
This link is for adoption support, you might want to phone one in your area they may be able to tell you about a support group in your area just for adoptee's...Deb it is an excellent thing to get into. Trust me I am in four need them all.lol
http://www.spytaps.com/thecat/missing2.html#ca
Here is a mailing list for Californian adoptee's something akin to CUB
http://adoption.about.com/gi/dynamic...2Fcaadopt.html
Anyway Deb, these are just the few that I have on hand....I am sure there are others, I hope these help
Hugs
Melissa

[dl]

Certainly know what you mean about "walking on eggshells". I posted a reply yesterday and literally cringed waiting for an attack to begin - not from the person that I responded to but from "others". I was so relieved when the original poster replied "Thanks, I really needed to hear that".

I think it's sad that "support" is sometimes interpreted as forcing one person's feelings on another. There is a thread I just saw where someone asked for "support" for a decision that she has already made. She has received a couple supportive responses, but many more that are an attempt to change her mind about a decision that she feels is best for her. All of our situations are unique to us. To tell someone what they should decide when only they know their situation could have tragic consequences.

How many times as adoptees are we told how we think and feel by those that only "know us" by what they have chosen to interpret, from our posts on this forum? Could it be that we are being told we feel a certain way because that is how they want to believe the adoptee in their life feels?

[Sabra]

Hi Debi:

There are about 80 online support groups running through e-mail through www.adoptionlists.com. They are listservs or list services in which people share their life experiences, background and answer questions and support each other. Sometimes we discuss various topics related to the name on our list.

There is a great group for adoptees called adoptee-support@adoptionlists.com. All adoptees are welcome.

The way the listserv works is when people subscribe at www.adoptionlists.com they become part of the adoptee-support group. From there when a subscriber e-mails to the group for example by typing in adoptee-support@adoptionlists.com in their e-mail "to" line each subscriber to that listserv will receive the same e-mail. Subscribers have a choice of receiving their e-mails in a batch once or twice a day depending on the number of posts made to the list or they may receive the e-mails one at a time as they are sent.

Some of the lists are just taking off while others are more active.

If you have any questions about this type of online support please let me know. I would be happy to help. If there is interest in moderating a list please let me know that also. I will be in Mexico April 7 -11 helping in an orphanage but other than that I will be around to help you. You may e-mail me at Sabra@adoption.com.

Thanks very much.

Warm regards,

[sam_i_am_71801]

Deb you are too funny.. "I don't want to actually GO anywhere." lol girl you crack me up................

[debsdone]

Sabra, thanks for th info! I have another question....... are any of these groups private and user screened? There are things I may wonder about and want to discuss, that I would NEVER do in mixed company, due to the potential to cause unintended pain. that is why I am so interested in a truly "private" support group! Thanks, Debi

Sam, thank-you thank-you thank-you!!!

[A_mothers_love]

Deb if mixed company means other parts of the triad, then yes there are allot of groups just for you, and yes you can be totally anominious
Hugs
Melissa

[Sabra]

Hi Debi:

Thanks for your questions. I understand your concerns. The adoptee-support@adoptionlists.com listserv online support group has a core group of adoptees. They are very supportive and have had varied experiences.

To assure one's privacy I would personally use a separate e-mail account. There are free ones available on the web. Adoption.com has a free service also. I would also recommend signing your posts with a name that does not link to a person's identity.

You will find support from adoptees that can relate to other adoptees and what they go through in life on the above mentioned list. At times we have made the list a type of online journal to aid in recognition of the various aspects of how some adoptees experience things. It has helped those that participate to "get out" what they have held inside. The list has various topics and articles posted so that people can reply back and forth to each other in reference to the topic or article. Some of the topics have been "Fears," "Use of Journaling," Relationship with others that Some are Sensitive About." "Stress," "Growing up Adopted." "Is Adoption an Identity or an Occurrence?" "Our Story," "Writing Letters to Birthrelatives," and "The Ups and Downs of Reunion."

We took a vote on the Adoptee-support@adoptionlists.com to see how many people wished for an adoptees only list. Only 5 out of over a hundred people wanted an adoptees only group. This would have been where we would have needed to screen membership. We have talked about ways to disclaim a post to help people who read the posts not to take offense at what is typed. To assure the privacy of those that participate I highly recommend finding an e-mail address that would not include your full name. If you are careful how you word things in your post and use a non-identifiable e-mail address you should be okay.

If you have any additional questions please let me know, Debi.

Thanks again.

Warm regards,

[loudnclear49855]

hahahahahahahahahahaha,too funny! need air hahahahahahaha! Why don't you want to GO anywhere?

[sam_i_am_71801]

If loudnclear has read debs posts like I have then he also sees her sence of humor, as I do. Or if youve ever gotten a PM from her she will really crack you up. I believe the question was retorical. With no mallice intended. She is a funny girl...she simply puts a smile on my face.....and that's a good thing.....sam