[KzooPAPA]

I wanted to say that I have gotten more sense of self, more insight, and more of understanding of who I am through the many hundreds of stories I have read than I would ever get through counseling. Your lives and experiences have both inspired and unsetlled me.

I often thought I was the only one who felt like this - the only one who felt out of place, lost, alone. But you have shown me that I am not alone, I am not out of place, I am not lost.

Thanks in great part to those here - I have been made whole, and find comfort in your existence - as I hope you do in mine. Without your help - I could not have made contact with my 1/2 brother and would never have known ANYTHING of my bfather.

I just wanted to say thank you so much for this forum and its members - never give up!!

[Mee Sook]

Sorry for the double post

[Mee Sook]

I may get a lot of crap for this response however...

I agree that finding a board where you can learn, grow, and get a better sense of self is important, however... be careful that you don't become stagnant in being comfortable with being comfortable "fitting in"... always continue to challenge yourself and get a non-adopted, unbiased standpoint/perspective. I'm one who actually highly promotes counseling b/c you are being held somewhat accountable and are always challenged to delve into a deeper part of self by someone trained to be unbiased and to provide perspectives that may affect you unrelated to adoption. With boards... complacency rules... how many posts here have been recycling the same issue for months and/or years... this is where finding a good therapist helps. With some boards... w/out the challenge to move forward... you can get stuck in the swaray of comfortability and neglect to challenge yourself by moving forward. For some, moving forward... the fear of success is what's scary, so they stay to the boards. Maintain your self-awareness and being able to maintain your own identity without getting sucked into other ppl's dramas and push always challenge yourself. For some... you've identified yourself and the issues that surround your adoption... now what are you going to do about it?

[debsdone]

I am also a firm believer of therapy, BUT........there are waaay too many therapists who coddle and encourage almost ANYTHING!! be careful not to let someone put ideas in your head. therapy is sometimes so very narrow minded. I, personally, have had trouble finding therapists who will actually call you on your crap! I find that reading the posts, and attempting to understand my reactions to what people are saying, is very theraputic! I have learned things about myself that no therapist would have discovered because I wouldn't have mentioned it and that is the only way they know what is going on! I find that it takes me a few weeks to work out what is bugging me and why. These past few months have been a series of "a-ha"s, and about things I had never even thought about, let alone discussed with my therapist! I encourage you to do whatever feels comfortable for now. I disagree that staying on the boards is a way of avoiding growth, for me it has caused quite alot of growth, emotionally! In addition, every opportunity to help someone else is also a learning experience. Love, Debi

[KzooPAPA]

I think you miss the point of my post. For me (and I was NOT adopted, BTW) many of these stories brought to light issues I hadn't understood in my own life. I was able to identify reasons for actions that had previously seemed disjointed adn without purpose. Many times - we can grow through the insight and experience of others.

Yes I agree whole heartedly that many people, not just adoptees, skirt the hard work of counseling for the comfortable and less challenging anonimity of the forum. However don't fail to realize the importance of identifying with someone outside yourself. In therapy as in life, we learn from others successes and failures. That is what this forum is about - learning and growing from others who have walked the line before you.

SO I stick to my guns . . . in many ways, this forum IS better than therapy. Not a substitue but maybe an alternative for those of us who just needed someone who COULD understand our story.

[Mee Sook]

You make an excellent point... thank you.

[sam_i_am_71801]

People who need people............sharing helps