[KzooPAPA]

I have nailed down the name and E-mail address of one of my bfather's sons. He lives in my hometown (how bizarre that my bfather and I lived in the same town for 25 years - before he moved to Florida?)

While not adopted - I have never known my bfather. You may have read a few of my earlier posts that explain that my bfather's identity was kept from me until recently because he was married with his own family at the time he met and had an affair with my Mom.

For those of you that approached half-siblings for information - how did you do it?

How did they respond?

How do I bring up this possibly painful and shocking information and not get the door slammed in my face, so to speak? It is my understanding from my Mom that his family NEVER knew about me!!

Michael

[sweetnoodle]

I don't have a lot of advice to offer on this, but I will tell you that my half sibling did not know about me, and she was so upset with my birthmother, it took them a year at least to work it out; and, my half sib says she will NEVER have a relationship with me. I'm still not sure why she was so upset, but I think she was offended that everyone in the family (aunts, uncles, grandparents) knew, and no one told her. She felt left out I guess. So, I advise you to just be careful how you handle things.

[KaseyHamnerM.S.]

Just approach them with the truth. They deserve to know the truth. My half sister decided that she does not want to know me. She cannot handle the pain that our birth father gave us both up four years apart. It is sad. But the truth is out.

My feeling is that you should give it a try. Just try to be as considerate to his feelings as possible and give him time to think about it. He may want a relationship with you; he may not. But you never know if you don't try.

[KzooPAPA]

Thank you everyone SOOOO much for your input. I decided to send an E-mail to my bfather's oldest son. To my surprise, he responded in less than an hour!! See below!



Dear Michael (Mike?),

Don’t feel bad about contacting me. I have known about you vaguely, but never had any details about who you were, where you lived, etc. I’m glad we are finally in touch, and hope we might get to know each other better some day.

Your facts pretty much correlate with what I overheard over time. Of course, the details were never discussed openly with me. You should know that you also have another step-brother, "D", my younger brother. I will begin to gather a little more information for us to discuss, and make sure you get some pictures of our father, taken throughout his lifetime. He was a good man, though not perfect. None of us are. I hope you will come to know that, as we get to know each other better. I can just guess at all the questions you must have, and I have no trouble with providing you everything I can. I know how I would feel.

I’m going to cut this message short for now. Give me a few days to gather things, and I will begin emailing more information to you. By the way, the description of yourself sounds pretty close to that of our father, perhaps more than me or my brother. He was also 6 feet tall, and 235-250 pounds. "D" and I are both only about 5’8”, 150 and 195, respectively. Look forward to exchanging more soon.

"My 1/2 brother"

I am excited and nervous. When I started this trek, only 10 short days ago - I had no idea that I even HAD any other family. I figured I would be lucky to find a news clipping. Now, I have suddenly gained two 1/2 borthers. SO much anxiety and curiosity is surging though me - I am both scared and thrilled.

Thanks again for all of the wonderful input! I couldn't have gotten here without many of your stories and experiences. I will not forget - and I won't be a stranger!

Now the real work begins . . .

[hummingbird05]

Hi KzooPapa,

Curious as to how it's working out now with your 1/2 bro? After an 8 yr search for my half bro and sis (they're fraternal twins), a relative found my half sis by accident and found she worked and lived only 20 minutes from me. I was shocked! They're 11 yrs younger than me. Anyway, to make a long story short, I called her, she called me back, we e-mailed, me more than her, then we finally decided to meet. Her and her boyfriend and me and my hubby. Well, the meeting/lunch went fine, took pics afterwards, and she said she'd keep in touch, because our Dad is very ill and has some serious surgery coming up soon. I never knew my Dad, but my half sibs grew up with him. He left my brothers and I when we were tots. So..........after our lunch that Saturday, my half sis and I exchanged about 2 e-mails, then I wrote her 3 more times, and nothing. It's been almost 3 weeks now, and no phone calls, no e-mails, nothing. Just wondering if you're experiencing the same now? My half bro has never written to me, he only reaped the rewards of MY e-mails that I sent his sister, which she forwarded on to him. I heard nothing back from him. I'm thinking now, I wish I never gave her so much family info and history, because I received very little back from her, and now it's all quiet on her end. I'm also thinking, that maybe it was better left NOT to contact her, than to jump on it and call her suddenly? She claimed she was looking for me too...since she was 16 yrs old...but that was over 20 yrs ago...so where was she? Interesting. Thoughts anyone?