[MANDI]

AFTER MANY YEARS OF WONDERING WHAT IF, NOW I'M 32 AND HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO GO OUT THERE AND FIND OUT WHO I REALLY AM. THE THING IS I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN I WAS ADOPTED, BUT FELT NOTHING, NO EMOTION, JUST A TOTAL NUMBNESS BUT THINGS ARE SLOWLY GETTING CLOSER WITH MATCHED NAMES TO MY SEARCHES AND I'VE GOT ALL SORTS OF EMOTIONS FLOWING THROUGH ME THAT ARE NEW AND QUITE DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH. ALL I WANT AT THE END IS TO BE HAPPY EITHER WITH OR WITHOUT MY BIRTH FAMILY BUT I FEEL WE ALL DESERVE SOME SORT OF RESULT SO WE CAN THEN GET ON WITH OUR LIVES WITHOUT THE QUESTION HANGING OVER US I THOUGHT IT MAY LESSEN AS I GOT OLDER BUT IN FACT IT HAS BEEN QUITE THE OPPOSITE. AND NOW I'M READY !!!! ARE THESE NEW FEELINGS NORMAL FOR PEOPLE WE DON'T EVEN KNOW ? GOOD LUCK TO ALL THAT ARE SEARCHING I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY ENDING !!!

[sweetnoodle]

You said,

"ALL I WANT AT THE END IS TO BE HAPPY EITHER WITH OR WITHOUT MY BIRTH FAMILY BUT I FEEL WE ALL DESERVE SOME SORT OF RESULT SO WE CAN THEN GET ON WITH OUR LIVES WITHOUT THE QUESTION HANGING OVER US I THOUGHT IT MAY LESSEN AS I GOT OLDER BUT IN FACT IT HAS BEEN QUITE THE OPPOSITE."

Boy, you aren't the only one who has felt that way. I definitely felt that way. The harder I tried to ignore it, the more intense it got. I found my birthfamily, and I wish you the same.

Sincerely,

[mkgaston1]

I am 31 and my birthmother found me approx. 12 years ago. Getting those questions answered and those feelings resoloved has helped me become a stonger person. I hope you find what you are looking for!

[KaseyHamnerM.S.]

It is so nice to hear about people who are now blossoming. I am a firm believer that every adoptee someday wants to know where they came from. I was like you in that I denied my desire to know the truth. It wasn't until my early 20's that I realized how much pain I had and how much desire I had to know my birth family and the TRUTH. Reunion was a blessing but not a picnic. Good luck.

[MANDI]

I'd like to say a big thankyou to you that have taken time to reply to my post. It seems now tht i am certainly not alone in this horrible night mare. I now have five ladies whose name match that of my birth sister and am currently writing to them all, i feel wierd as i have a feeling that she knows nothing of me and the last thing i want is to upset people but doesn't she have the right to know about me too i would want to know if i was her but is that because of the situation i'm in. I am truely happy for each and every one of you that has finally been reunited with their bfamilies you deserve it. How did it feel to meet them and are all your ghosts finally laid to rest ?

best wishes mandi x

[mkgaston1]

Mandi - I would have to say MOST of my ghosts have been layed to rest, but I suppose it would take a lot of real heart to heart talks to get them all put to rest. Which my bmom and I have yet to do (even after 12 years) We live about 4 hours away from one another and in the beginning she came to see me once or twice. I have other family members where she lives, so I went to see her more often. We spent most of our time just doing things together, and not really getting to know eachother that well. I think it was just so akward we didn't want to over step any boundries. Now, we only talk about once a month, if that, and it's usually just regular catch up stuff about my kids and so forth. I am very fortunate to have been reunited with her, and I am so glad that happen, I just wish we could have been closer. Just finding out who she was, siblings, etc. did lay aside most of my questions though. Good luck to you.

[MANDI]

I WAS SO HAPPY TO HEAR YOU HAVE BEEN REUNITED BUT I THINK THAT IT'S FAIR TO SAY YOU STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT YOUR LOOKING FOR !!!! YOUR PERSONAL CASE IS EXACTLY HOW I SEE MINE ENDING (FINGERS CROSSED) AT LEAST YOUR A STEP FURTHER , TO BE HONEST I'M GLAD YOU SAID ABOUT BOUNDRIES OF COURSE THERE MUST BE STICKY SITUATIONS AHEAD BUT PLEASE BE PATIENT YOU HAVE GOT SO FAR AND I'M SURE ONE DAY YOUR STORY WILL END HAPPY. MANY OF US WERE PUT UP FOR ADOPTION FOR MANY DIFFERENT REASONS LEAVING SOME OF US BITTER SOME SAD OR ANGRY BUT I CAN TRUELY SAY THAT I'M NOT IN JUDGEMENT AT ALL, ALL I WANT IS THE TRUTH NOT A NEW MUM. ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE IF YOUR HAPPY BUT DON'T GIVE UP
BEST WISHES MANDI

[Maryannmcgwin]

Hi, I haven't been reunited with anyone, yet. But I do understand the confusion over why, "all of a sudden" feelings of anxiety & questions come up. I think it has to do with life passages.

I'm 50, so I'm really starting the search later. But there were other times I was really tempted. When I first went to college and was asking myself, "What do I want to do for the rest of my life, who do I want to be." Hard to answer if you don't really know who you are? Have no idea of genetic talents or family strengths. Then, after I had my first babies, all I could think of was "Why?" I couldn't imagine how someone could give up a baby. Then, as my nest was emptying, it was, "Did she feel like this?" And now, that my kids are raised, I'm a grandma, and I realize how hurtful and complicated life can be, I just want to tell her, "It's okay. You were just the vehicle God used to get me here, and he used the experience to strengthen me and you."

I wish us both luck. I, too, get butterflies in my stomach as I cross each threshold to new information.

[kimannef]

Mandi -
Searching is difficult, but dealing with the emotions of the searching, the finding and the ensuing relations is more than difficult - very, very emotional. As we get older and wiser, we become aware of priorities, of how fast life continues on, and I think, subconsicously, we don't want to left with questions and regret.

I agree with you, Maryann! When I had my son, my urge to connect with siblings really, really intensified. My need for a medical background for him became a necessity, not a niceity (is that a word???). And at 41, I know that I cannot replace lost years.

I do think your sister will be excited to have you in her life. We women, also want another "girlfriend", another sister - can you have too many? I found my half siblings ten years ago, and just a month ago, a sister found us and we didn't know SHE existed! I accepted her into my heart the minute I knew she existed. Although we haven't met in person, our many e-mails, snail mail, and talks are wonderful. And you know what, Mandi? Life is too short not to have her in my life! My only regret is that we did not find each other sooner. And I question, given our bmom's loose lifestyle and disregard for her children's lives, could there be more out there? Are we missing another? It is emotional and you need to allow yourself to feel the emotion. You have alot more emotion to come based on the outcome of your letters. If I may make a suggestion? If your siblings do not know about you, they will be shocked, and probably angry at their mother. They will probably want proof, in the form of a birth certificate. My sister was very slow to warm up to me, and inside, I was very disappointed about that. My suggestion is to be ready for that, and be prepared for patience. Being the searchers, we have much more time to prepare emotionally and be ready for the relationship. Patience, understanding, low expectations, and keeping your emotions in check when you deal with them lend much to the future relationship. Today, my sister and I are great friends, and really enjoy our relationship!

I have this feeling you have much excitement and joy ahead of you! Please keep us updated to what is happening. My God bless you with wisdom, joy, and happiness! Kim