[staceyj26rn]

Ok, i am getting so disgusted with this search..I even had a search angel siad she would help me, i heard once form her,,about a month ago, and nothing! I know she might be busy but at least a" hey nothing yet, im still looking "would be nice. This search has got me nowhere but frustrated. I dont know what other options there are. I have done everyhting hmanly possible to look, and i turn up empty handed every time..ARGH!!! just needed to vent!

[Angelwings2002]

Hi Stacey...I completely understand where you are comming from.
Searching sometimes can be a long drawn out process. And I understand the waiting part..have you thought about getting another search angel? sometimes we have to ..even though we hate it..start all over. There are alot of really good search angels out there..its finding the right one thats hard.
I would suggest maybe contacting the VSN at http://vsn.org
I dont know what info you have but they found my brother when I was searching for him without a dob. Its worth a try and remember PATIENCE is the name of the game here.
I wish you much luck in your search.

[KilleDowns]

stacey,
if this is something that you truely want in life (at times maybe even feel like you need) then don't ever give up. It can be very tough at times, but if you stick with it, the end rewards are well worth it. Even if you have a bad experience with a reunion (though I truely hope it is wonderful for you) at least you will be able to get some answers you have been waiting for your whole life. Just try to keep a positive attitude and don't ever give up on anything in life which truely means a lot to you! I wish you the best of luck in your search!

[Pam/Lisa]

I have been searching for many years, and feel that I have
seen or registered with all of the available adoption sites
this side of the world.
I have come to the conclusion that all I can do now is to
wait. Hmm... I guess I feel like you, in wanting to know
if there is anything else left that will help.
I have my non-identifying info. and have registered with
the adoption agency that handled my adoption. Have
registered where possible on the net. I am not in the
present state to be hiring a PI or pay a lot of money to
those willing to search for me. Call me stubborn maybe,
but I can't afford it.
I just hope that someday, someone I care to know will
find me. I have yet to try just one more thing, and that
is to pay a small fee to newspapers, in my birth province.
When and if I do, I only wonder if they are still living there.
But I keep in mind... that someone, somewhere may know
my birthfamily and the situation that has brought me to
this point in my life. And hopefully they'll contact me.
My prayers to you and those who need some guidance
or inspiration. Take Care

A girl adoptee, June/69, Fredericton, NB

[Pam/Lisa]

All of New Brunswick's records are closed to me. I even
attempted to go to different places that revolve around
births and adoptions, in Fredericton... but only to be told
nothing.

Never give up hope, even when frustration seems to
take its toll.

[lisalu]

Stacey, reading back over your pasts posts your hostility just jumps off the page. Why do you want to find your birthmother? From what you've said, you hate her.

Quotes from Stacey:

“just a thought for the 2 of you..i am 26 and was adopted when i was 2 months old. I recieved my non identyifying info about a year and a half ago, and trust me i am way better off with my parents. my bfamily were white trash, plain and simple.”

“My adopted parents are THE ONLY parents i have. My brth mom only gave birth to me. She did not raise me, nurture or care for me. Whatever reasons she had to give me up i am sure were good ones, but she is not my"mother" by any means of the word.”

“well, iam an adoptee. the fact is you gave that child up...she is no longer yours and you should leave the child be...i was given up 26 years ago and that god awful woman has never once tried to contact me ...so let well enough alone”

“anyways..i am very hostile toward this woman...i have alot of questions for this person that i need answered..Thank god i was adopted into a wonderful family that gave me all the oppurtunities i have had.”

“I guess in my situation, i wouldnt run to her and hug her , or tell her i love her, because i dont.”

[KilleDowns]

It seem's that you answered your own question by one of stacey's quotes, she simply has questions she feels she needs answers to. That doesn't mean that she doesn't have the right to search or even that she doesn't have the right to make the decision of whether or not she wants a relationship with her birthmother when she is found. Please keep this in mind and try not to sound discouraging when people see a need to search.

[lisalu]

My point is that there are other people's feelings to consider too. I feel sorry for Stacey's birthmother if she were to find her and tell her things like, "You're nothing but white trash", or "You are not my mother by any means of the word", or "I'm not going to hug you and tell you I love you because I don't".

In fact in one of Stacey's own quotes she says to another birthmother, "well, iam an adoptee. the fact is you gave that child up...she is no longer yours and you should leave the child be..."

Based on that - that this other birthmother should LEAVE THE CHILD BE - I do wonder why she wants to find her OWN birthmother!

[Drgns75]

I still want to find my birth mother, but I don't love her, Stacy is right, all she did was give birth to me, I am not going to go running up this the strange woman, and want to be in her life, and hug her, and al that other jazz. I have my family, I love them, they were there for me, they raised me, all my B-mom did was not abort me, and gave me up to wonderful people. I don't resent her, but I don't love her. There was also a time, that I caled her a whore, and white trash, granted I was young at the time and did not understand that things happen.

The reason I want to find my birthmom, is simple... I am courious, I want to see what my genitic gene pool looks like, I have seen my B-Grandfather, and that scares me, I also want to know medical info, and geneology, oh yeah I I would love to know who my father is. Every one has a reason to search, but we don't have to see eye to eye on the love part. And we all have bad days and need to vent.

Lisa~drgns75~

[CherryV]

I also wonder why Stacey is searching.

“well, iam an adoptee. the fact is you gave that child up...she is no longer yours and you should leave the child be...i was given up 26 years ago and that god awful woman has never once tried to contact me ...so let well enough alone”

Doesn't this contradict itself? She's telling someone to not contact her child yet hating her mother for not contacting her. Perhaps her mother just happened to bump in to someone just like Stacey once and took the advice.

[lisalu]

I guess only Stacey can answer the question as to why she tells another birthmother, "You gave your child up, now leave well enough alone" and in the same sentence says, "That god-awful woman never once tried to contact me".

She sounds like an angry person. I guess she thinks since her white-trash, god awful mother never found her then no other birthmothers have the right to look for their own children!

[staceyj26rn]

Before you ASSume anything...listen...no i dont love her, and no iwould not call her white trash...those were early posts i made months and months ago when i was more angry.. i have dealt with that anger since then....I want to know where i came from..my family history..medical info.. i think it is soo important to have medical background....perhaps what i look like..Yea she is not my mother..anyone can give birth...but a mother raises you...i am sure from reading alot of birthmothers stories, that the decision was not always theirs to make..some bmoms were forced to give up their babies..others werent..i dont know my bparents story..but that is what i want to know. I would not be nasty...i want my questions answered..i think i have that right..i think that me being bashed for not wanting a wonderful relationship with my bmom is not necessary...at most i wnat to be friends..i love my family..i do thank my bmom for not aborting me..and giving me to great people...from my non ident info..i would have had a crummy life..what 16 yr old can raise a child? i dont vlame her for giving me away..i want to know why..so before you judge...alot of those quotes were from EARLY posts when i firts started coming here..and alot was pent up anger..i have worked thru that anger..and come to an understanding...now if i sound like a total B***ch..then i am sorry..i am not some punk kid that is spouting off at the mouth..I am an adult.. a wife and mother of 2. I wnat to show her that I turned out ok...better than ok..very successful. So before you ASSume anything Lisa lu....get the facts...as for the rest of those who support me..thank you..this search has been a roller coaster ride..and we all do need to vent and not be judged!

[lisalu]

Stacey, the only "facts" we can get are those you give us! How do you expect us to get the "facts" you are talking about? With a crystal ball?

I'm glad you have worked through the anger. That is a very positive step and I'm glad for you. But you have to understand that if someone reads something you've posted, that is what they "judge" you on - what you've actually said!

I'm glad you took the time to post again and explain where you're coming from. I wish you well in your journey.

[staceyj26rn]

I realize people judge you on what you say..but you have to also take into consideration, alot of it is venting anger..not necessarily meant to be taken to heart...and NO there is no crystal ball..i know that..but like i said..we are all entitled to our own feelings..and others should understand that it might not mean anyhting..just blowing off steam....

[EL1]

Our feelings are our feelings and we are intitled to them, "UNTIL" we roll them over onto another person. Even when venting we must guard what comes out. When we speak, we create memories, and we cannot take back things we say. Words cause injuries that can sometimes run very very deep.
I bashed my birthfather once in a forum. A good friend of mine said "EL, how do you know that what you have been told is the absolute truth; how can you be so sure of the circumstances surrounding your birth?"
I thought about that one long and hard, and felt ashamed.
Lesson learned!

Blessings to all
EL