[10thMountainDiv]

Just something to throw out there...
I am 23 years old, and have served 5 (almost 6) years of my life in the military. I was last assigned to the 5th Special Forces Group in Fort Campbell, KY. For the first time I have found any enemy I cannot beat. Folks why in the hell is our identity a state secret? I have given everything I have to the government of my country, which I dearly love and would gladly die for. Yet they have the audacity to imply that I am not old enough to know where I came from. I am old enough to get killed in Afghanistan or God knows where else, but not to receive identifying information about my biological family.
Am I the only one who feels like I am getting crapped on or treated as a second-class fricking citizen? AM I the only one who feels like we are being stripped of our right to know WHO WE ARE? AM I the only one who wants to storm the records offices and take back what is rightfully ours in the first place?

IS ANY ONE LISTENING TO ME/US?
PLEASE RESPOND.

ALL POWER TO THE PEOPLE...NOW!


SSG ROBERTS
USARMY

[lisadean]

IS ANY ONE LISTENING TO ME/US?
PLEASE RESPOND.

ALL POWER TO THE PEOPLE...NOW!


SSG ROBERTS
USARMY [/b][/quote]


Dear SSG Roberts,

I started this thread and checked in on any posts, yours caught my eye. I am a birth mother looking for my son who is 23. You said you could not get info on your birth, do you know what state? I always hold my breath when I see an age or a name or a state close to Dwight's.
I gave birth on 06/12/79 to my son, in Dothan, Alabama. They told me it was going to be an out of state adoption. My name is Lisa. I know I'm grasping straws but at this point that is all I have. You see they don't let us look for you kids either, I AM LISTENING AND UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTRATION. I think we all do in this forum and others. The search is long and very painful, hopefully, in the end-if there is one, it'll all be worth it. What I mean is; I am soooooo scared that I will find that he is dead or absolutely wants me dead for giving him up. Well that's another issue. As for your strong and MORRALLY correct words, my heart and soul was touched and I wish you better luck. You are right though-YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW AND THEY SHOULD NOT KEEP IT FROM YOU!!!!! I really hope your search will be to an end soon-good luck. From a mom who has a son in the Airforce and one at home and finally one out there in the world SOMEWHERE.

[vicrose]

Please know that you are not alone!! If you read the posts on this forum from time to time, you will see that many of us adoptees like you are in the same boat!!!! Please don't feel alone, there are so many kind hearted people on this forum that are there to listen to your ups and downs everyday, we are all here to help each other!! Sincerely, Brenda

[Heinz55]

I know your feelings, I am 56 and have been looking for my mother for 38 years. I have found my son and he is great,we found each other on FindMe. I can't figure how we can get Secret Clearance and Protective Custody and not be allowed to know our genetics. My son and I are a lot alike,not looks(he got those)but in how we do things and whwt we think. They lied to him about health and his date of birth. I wonder about myself adopted in the 40s'. Write anytime Iam55ann1946@aol.com Sincerely Alice Bozeman

[10thMountainDiv]

I thank you all for your replies to my ranting missive. I am simply very tired and extremely pissed at what I believe to be a clear cut case of legal paternalism.
I have been searching for 2 years and six months, and still the state of SC is not being forthcoming with my information. I was recently told that my social worker at the time of my placement was dead...then I found her in a local phone directory, and let me tell ya, she's chatty as hell for a dead woman.
We are consistently denied the most basic things as adoptees...I have the papers on my adopted Rottweiler, yet I can't get my own "papers". What does that say about how adoptees are viewed by our governments?


ALL POWER TO THE PEOPLE...NOW


SSG ROBERTS

[KristieMaureen]

SSG Roberts:

You're right and entitled to be angry. The system of sealed records is more than legal paternalism... it's a violation of our Civil Rights as US citizens. The 14th Amendment (and the constitutions of each of our States) guarantees all of us due protection under the law. EXCEPT ADULT ADOPTEES who are held to a contract they did not agree to. States can not make laws that exclude one population from exercising the rights freely exercised by other groups, such as the right to obtain an original, unamended birth certificate. EXCEPT ADULT ADOPTEES, who can't get their OBC. The Bill of Rights guarantees all citizens the right to free association. EXCEPT ADULT ADOPTEES who's OBCs are hijacked by the state, in effect preventing us from freely associating with birth family members.

It is for these very reasons that voters in Oregon overwhelmingly chose, in 1998, to unseal adoption records for adult adoptees, as did the legislature of Alabama in 2000. Kansas and Alaska never sealed their records.

Adoptee Rights Activists are attempting to change the laws and secure the Civil Rights of adoptees in several more states. For me, I first thought about searching then, when faced with the blatant bias in laws, I got active. Will I ever find my birth family? Who knows. But I WILL be able to legally gain a copy of my OBC before I die. I WILL be able to exercise the same rights as all non-adopted citizens in this country.

If you, or anyone else, is interested in becoming active in your state's efforts on this issue, visit www.bastardnation.org (don't let the name put you off). They have the most up-to-date information about activities in each state.

[lisalu]

I don't blame you for being "pissed" at the system. Many of us who have searched have felt the same way. (Although we don't all express it quite so stridently!)

You are "loud" and shrill but in your own way you echo the frustration many of us share. I think "bastardnation" that someone else mentioned would be right up your alley. They are very vocal about their opposition to records being closed to adult adoptees.

Yes, we are denied fundamental rights that everyone else takes for granted. Yes, we are treated like second class citizens and children when we ask for information pertaining to ourselves. Yes, the laws SHOULD be changed.

Maybe we just have to get angry enough to demand changes. (But surely we also need to temper the anger when talking to others so that we will be taken seriously.) I sincerely hope you find what you're looking for and that you bring some attention to our cause along the way. Lisalu

[velvetsplace]

I don't know what to say except that you are not the only one who feels this way. I am almost thirty years old, and have no info. at all. I wasn't even adopted in the state I was born in. I can only tell you that you should never use the word adoption, to the people holding the information. Always say that you are researching your family tree. Do you know what state, city, or hospital, you were born in? Please don't despair, you are not alone. By the way, is the 10th mountain division Fort Drum, by any chance? My brother in law is stationed there. Good luck.

[sadreality]

what if the only way your mother would give you up for adoption is if the information could remain private? would you rather her have had an abortion or have kept you without means to care for you? there are babies abanoned in trashcans and aborted everyday because their mothers are scared and feel they are without options. part of the reason for keeping the information private is to encourage adoption. what seems more important to me is to make sure that more babies get in good homes with the care they need and that mothers feel less desperate.
i understand that you are in a tough situation and are frustrated, but at the same time i think we all need to remember that there is a general good that could be more important

[KristieMaureen]

You're joking, right? "Would you rather that your mother had aborted you?" What a ridiculous and ignorant question to ask.

First: Every pregnant woman has the option to abort or carry her pregnancy to term. Your question seems to forget that and imply that adoptees should feel eternally grateful just for having been born. Non-adoptees aren't ever asked "well gee, aren't you glad you weren't aborted?" and then expected to give lifelong thanks for that fact. Let's face facts. Abortion is a choice not to be pregnant. Adoption is a choice not to parent. Two completely separate decisions, although so many would like to lump them together.
Furthermore, Kansas and Alaska which have never sealed OBCs from adult adoptees have LOWER rates of abortion and HIGHER rates of adoption than the national average. So your implied argument that, should records be open, abortions would increase simply isn't supported by the facts.

Second: Most birthmothers, when asked if they were promised lifelong anonymity from their offspring, say no. In fact, over 90% of birthparents contacted by CIs say they WANT contact with the adults they gave up as children.
In addition, birth records are not sealed at the time a child is relinquished. Those records aren't sealed until an adoption is finalized. If a child is never adopted, the records are NEVER sealed. If sealed records were put in place to keep birthparents anonymous, wouldn't the OBC be sealed at the time of relinquishment? If you read the relinquishment papers, there is NO mention of keeping the birthparents anonymous in perpetuity. And almost all states have clauses that allow records to be opened by the courts in cases deemed worthy. This is done without birthparent knowledge. By this fact alone a birthparent could never expect that their identity would be forever sealed.
Lastly, sealed records have not always been in existence. It's only been since about the late 1930's that states began to do so. Reviewing past legislation and discussions from those times, it is clear that the intent of sealed records was to keep the parties to adoption (birthparents, adoptive families, and adoptees) protected from PUBLIC scrutiny and, more recently, to keep birthparents from interfering in the upbringing of their relinquished children. It was never the intent of these laws to keep birthparents and adoptees secret from one another. For a detailed discussion of this, see the Legal Review conducted by Rutgers University.

Open Records is an issue of the Civil Rights of ADULT adoptees. If you have a differing opinion, that's fine. But please don't attempt to make adoptees feel guilty (by asking if they would have rather been aborted or suggesting that they are hurting future adoptions) for simply starting to demand to be treated as equals under the eyes of the law.

[lisalu]

I'm sorry but your arguments don't make sense. You point out that babies are abandoned every day and left in dumpsters. Well closed adoptions ARE an option so if that's what these women want, then why are they abandoning their babies? That obviously is NOT the issue!

I have actually heard of women (for real!) who have had an abortion RATHER than give up their child in a closed adoption. They say that giving their baby away to a stranger and never seeing it again is too painful to contemplate! (BTW I don't agree with that "logic" either but it really does happen).

But the most important point here is the well being of the PERSON put up for adoption. I say PERSON because the focus is always on "finding a good home for the BABY" as if an adoptee is a baby for the rest of his life. When we reach adulthood we have the needs and RIGHTS of an adult to know our background, heritage, and medical history. Adoption practices should be changed so that birthmothers KNOW this information will be given upon adulthood. There is no "reason" for anonymity good enough to deny a person that basic right. (I'll admit there may be rare cases which are the exception but I'm speaking generally)

This is part of the responsiblity of bearing a child. Even though parental rights may be terminated a birthmother is responsible to the human being she gave birth to. I'm sorry but I have to stick with the position that the rights of the adoptee - a nonparticipator in the adoption contract! - supercedes the birthmothers "right" to "forget it ever happened" and the adoptive parent's "right" to pretend they bore the child.

[karen1]

I'm begining to think that the Gov't and State agencies aren't forthcoming because they can't figure out who we all are. Just look at the thousands of posts of everyone searching. Now we are hearing that DOB, place of birth, time of birth even weight and height can be changed? Geez, I think whoever made this mess has no idea how to straighten it out. For all we know we are all lost John and Jane Does to them. I'm losing faith that we will ever find out what we are looking for. It's our right to know who we are, but I don't know if anyone will be able to tell us if they can change all of our personal info under a cloak of privacy.

[KilleDowns]

Thank you for pointing out that fact that even though "babies" are adopted, we "babies" do eventually grow up and prefer to be treated like "adults". We as adoptees had no say in the adoption process, so I guess the stupid officials just assume we should continue to have no say in anything in our lives. Maybe some day these stupid officials will wake up and realize we as adults pay taxes and serve the government just like all the other adults in our country and should start getting the same rights as everyone else.

[sonata]

Well I've found the "crusaders" thread! We should organize a March on Washington! Why not? I have been there before several years ago for another issue. I'd certainly go for this one.

I picture the future 20-30 years from now. It will be something like Women's Suffrage is to us now. We just can't BELIEVE that women were not allowed to vote. Or the Civil Rights movement. We just can't BELIEVE that blacks were forced to sit in the back of the bus and use different facilities than whites. Our sensibilities are outraged!!

So our great grandchildren will find it hard to be believe that at one time adoptees were forbidden any knowledge of the most basic facts about their existence. They were forbidden to know the identity of the people who conceived and bore them and whose genes they carried. They were forbidden from having access to their hereditary medical history. In most cases they were not even told the circumstances of their adoption or their ancestral background. (How many adoptees have peered into the mirror trying to figure out, "Am I Irish, German, Greek, American Eskimo?")

To add insult to injury, OTHER people - COMPLETE STRANGERS! -could access this information from records and sit across the desk from a desparate adoptee saying, "I'm sorry these records are forever sealed from YOU!"

Right now there is a core group of adoptees, in their 20's-50's, who bear the brunt of this Draconian, inhumane practice. A great many of them who desire to know of their birthfamilies will never have that opportunity. I am one of the "lucky" ones. I "only" had to wait 39 years to be reunited with my birthmother! But I had to do it through a private investigator. I wasn't given my records either.

So, you guys, where's our Martin Luther King, Jr. or our Susan B. Anthony? When do we bring this to public awareness in a big way and REFUSE to be ignored any longer?

[sal]

Hey 10th! I too have missed you in chat! No....you are not alone in your outrage of closed records. I just wish that someone would listen to the many adoptees and birthmoms who share your sentiment. No one else but adoptees are expected to be greatful for the trauma that was created by our adoption. The failure of anyone to really understand our initial loss and then the loss of any genetic/medical/biological information is what continues the sealed records. I think that the only way that any one will begin to understand is making our voices LOUD and CLEAR and STRONG.....so keep up the good fight my friend....sal